Scared to go to college

Parents Forum
1

<p>After going to another scholarship weekend, I realized that I will really miss my house/parents/LIFE/friends/etc. when I go to college.
I am scared to go to college and grow up! I don't know what I will do without the people that I have shared the past four years of my life with. </p>

<p>Did your kid have a lot of problems with being homesick? What is the best way to prevent against this? How long did it take him or her to find a solid group of friends? Am I the only person that feels this way? </p>

<p>Thanks and sorry for the immaturity of this post!</p>

2

<p>It doesn't sound immature to me. Can you tell us where you're going, or at least what kind of school you're going to (i.e., one where most kids are from out of state)? Did you ever go to camp?</p>

<p>I think you may be shocked to find how fast you make friends living on campus. Remember that at most schools, everyone else left all their friends behind, too. They need you as much as you need them. I and all of my sisters found it EASIER to make friends in college than in high school. I would bet that the majority of college freshmen stay up too late talking to their new friends on the very first night.</p>

<p>If you are worried that your dorm friends won't be enough, think now about what kinds of activities you'd like to sign up for. You can meet great friends doing every kind of college activity, but IMHO the surest bets are athletic teams (including club or intramural), small singing groups, and fraternities/sororities. These kinds of clubs have a major social component at pretty much every campus. If you are religious, a religious fellowship group is another failsafe way to meet friends.</p>

<p>Being busy is the best antidote to homesickness. When you are out getting ice cream with all your new friends and laughing your head off, you forget to miss Mom.</p>

3

<p>
[quote]
I am scared to go to college and grow up! I don't know what I will do without the people that I have shared the past four years of my life with.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Your friends from h.s. will be just a phone call or mouse click away...and they will also be getting on with your lives next year, too. No matter how much you wish things will stay the same, they never really will be the same after graduation.</p>

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<p>I don't think it has hit me yet, because I don't know where I am going yet. I am going to be really sad though!!! I will be leaving all my family and best friends! I don't know what I am going to do. I am looking forward to a new chapter in my life and meeting new people. I think it will be hard for everyone at first and you may shed some teard and wish you were back at home, but after a few weeks, I think you, and I for that sake, will get used to it. Try not to worry too much....</p>

5

<p>well, you don't sound immature at all. You sound pretty darn normal. It's a change and changes can be imtimidating. It's all about your attitude. Embrace this great adventure coming your way and have every confidence you will do just fine! And you don't have to be giving up what/those that have come before this, you're just adding to all that has brought you to this point.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you.</p>

6

<p>All big life changes are scary. (At least to me they are!) It doesn't mean they're bad though. Think of it as an adventure. If you're scared, just imagine how your parents feel. :)</p>

<p>Good luck. You'll be fine.</p>

7

<p>IDK were I am going yet... but so far I am considering the BHP and Plan II option at UT Austin, where I would be rooming w/my best friend. This seems like a great and easy option. I am fairly unfraid of this option.</p>

<p>BUT I just went for a full-ride scholarship interview at UNC Chapel Hill.. hence why I am scared. If I get it, I would be an out of state student. If I don't get it, I also applied to 9 other schools, so there is a chance that there could be a better deal than UT Austin... </p>

<p>I am scared that I would chose what is emotionally easier than what is, practically, the better choice.</p>

8

<p>Chapel Hill?! Be brave!!! :)</p>

9

<p>margsala - it's good that you are thinking about this now and getting some strategies to cope set up. My d did not have any concerns and she did get homesick. It is definitely better for her second semester so hang in there if you get homesick.
FYI- Her longterm boyfriend is an OOS student at UNC-CH and he LOVES it. He made some great friends and feels welcome as an OOS student .Good luck wherever you end up and remember that most students will feel the same way although they may not all admit it!</p>

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<p>Margsala - I think your concerns are very normal - you are just brave enough to admit you have trepidations!! It is much "cooler" to say, "Hey, I'm out of here, going to college, makin' my own rules". I think many of those with such bravado feel exactly as you do underneath. My senior D admitted that she is "just not that excited about going to college". I will admit that her statement concerned me, until I got to the bottom of it. First of all, she hasn't decided WHERE she is going, which I think is unsettling for her. Also, like you, she loves her home, her cat, her friends, etc. And, frankly, she is scared, as you are. Will she make friends, will she do alright academically, will she like the school she chooses, will her classes be interesting, what if she gets sick (she has been seriously ill in the past, so I am sure that weighs in heavily in her mind), will she like the food, ?? etc. etc. </p>

<p>In an attempt to ease her concerns, we have told her that we have been here with her for 18 years and that won't change. We will set up a plan to ease her into college. Something like maybe she stays for two weeks, then comes home for the weekend. Stays another two weeks and we come to visit. And so on. My husband has even "joked" (he was actually very serious) that we might have to get a hotel room and just "be" in the town where she is attending college for the first week she is there. Not intruding, just distantly present. Did you see the episode of 'Gilmore Girls' when Rory calls her mother from Yale her first night there? Mom comes and sleeps on the floor of her dorm room, then the next day helps her make friends by having daughter and dormmates rate coffee and take-out establishments all over town. Very endearing. </p>

<p>We did the same thing for her sister who is only 75 miles away at State U. She agreed to stay for two weeks, then came home. As she drove up the driveway that Friday evening, she was just sobbing - so happy to be home. As time has passed, we can hardly GET her to come home now! In fact, she is getting ready to leave for a short study abroad experience and was selected for a very prestigious internship that will have her living on her own all summer!</p>

<p>Even though senior D has many nice friends, we have told her through the years and she knows, podunk high school in our town is not her world, never has been (she is the only NMF in her class). She was meant for college and we are very excited for the time when she will feel comfortable enough to RUN full stride toward her future. Until then, her dad and I are here!</p>

11

<p>Some of the anxiety might also relate to "fit". We parents talk about "fit" alot in these forums. I can only give you my S's experience as an example. The first couple of colleges my S visited overnight he returned home and I could tell he was abit anxious. He couldn't define what wasn't right about the weekend or the college, but I could tell he was anxious. He said, sure he could go there, but there was a definite lack of enthusiasm and a definite air of resignation. He talked alot about where his friends were going (all close to home). The 3rd college he came home from he was happy, he'd met "alot of kids", he wanted to go back for "another" accepted students weekend. He knew which dorm he wanted to live in. He was on his mobile talking to friends and he filled out the "card" telling them he was coming. He never said "it felt right" and I don't think he'd ever define it that way but he just knew that it was a place he was going to be "OK". Hopefully you have the resources to spend alittle time at some of your other choices, and hopefully one of them you'll just feel right about. If that happens, I think your anxiety may fall away. I will always be a parent who advocates fit.</p>

12

<p>I'm not going to tell you anything you don't know in your heart:</p>

<p>On the one hand, not only is what Hanna says right -- everyone at college needs new friends as much as you do -- but think about it: This is the first time in your life you really will have chosen a path that's right for you, not just lived out the choices your parents made. Aren't you curious to meet the other kids who chose that path, too? Isn't it likely you'll have a lot in common with lots of them. High school is a bit random -- it's mostly geography that determines who goes where.</p>

<p>And, on the other: What you are afraid of missing won't be there anymore when you go. It's OK to miss it, and I'm glad you love your life right now. But even if you stayed put and didn't go anywhere, everything would be different (and not nice-different, boring-different). Your friends, or most of them, would be gone. Everyone wouldn't be going to the same school. You would be in a new school or a job, not the old school where you are a big cheese now. </p>

<p>There's no option not to change. And if you are worried about missing high school, think about how much you're going to miss college five years from now.</p>

<p>(BTW: I went to college with my best friend, too. That was not a bad idea; people really clustered to us because, unlike most people, each of us had one person he was totally comfortable with, and that made us more relaxed and confident about meeting others. But we didn't room together -- we roomed next door to one another.)</p>

13

<p>margsala,
What you are experiencing is so very normal and is discussed on this forum every year! When you decide where you are going to school, let us know and I will give you a sure fire (legal!) way to attract a steady stream of kids to your dorm room. Makes it very easy to meet people right away. ;)</p>

14

<p>you dont have to forget about your high school friends when you go to college. it seems like a lot of people think thats what youre supposed to do.</p>

15

<p>I agree that you sound pretty normal.</p>

<p>I also agree with everything everyone else has said. I am an incredibly old fart and my best friend in the world is still my old high school best friend.</p>

<p>There are lots of activities at the beginning of freshman year that give opportunities to make friends. Take advantage of them. It was harder for me because I was a coop student and only was on campus for summer and winter quarters, but still had no problems.</p>

<p>Clubs and other orgs help tremendously. With me, I got involved with the Wesley Foundation (Methodist) on campus, as well as a fraternity (that didn't last long... they were great guys, but I could not afford it). My friends tended NOT to come from dorm aquaintenances (even roommates), but from the clubs and outside activities. So... (if you have a religious bent) join one of the campus orgs or a nearby church; if you are the slighest bit adventurous, join the ourdoors club - go rock climbing or sailing or skydiving or hiking or something completely new in your life; if you are political, there are great groups for that. If you like sports, try an intramural team. There are SO MANY opportunities in most schools.</p>

<p>DO NOT DO NOTHING. Remember every freshman there is in your same situation. It's not like HS where the cliques have formed and you are in or out. It's the easiest time in the world to make some new friends, but you have to take an active role in doing that.</p>

16

<p>Change is scary. Its unknown.</p>

<p>Recommend a quick read for you. Read "Who moved my Cheese?"</p>

<p>Take you about an hour. Worthwhile. May not make you a change agent....But it might help you and only takes an hour.</p>

17

<p>You may want to have a cell phone plan which allow you unlimit free call to your parents. They are just one phone call away.</p>

18

<p>Thanks to all the advice & your experiences & your kids experiences! They made me feel A LOT better.
I will def try to make it as easy for myself as possible.Unfortunately, I am not looking for the best fit but the best financial opportunity. One school that felt like a "fit" to me was, for instance, Harvard and well.. I haven't gotten in yet and even if I did, I would probably not be able to pay for it. I tend to like private schools. I applied to some but it seems that I am not likely to get scholarships. But I will make the best I can with a situation.
What if a fit is more expensive than a school that doesn't feel like a fit? Should I take out a 15k loan a year just because something feels right? </p>

<p>I will def update you once I have all my choices clear with prices and all for advice... momof3sons, I will def PM you once I know where I am going :)</p>

19

<p>Just realized I said exactly the same thing Hanna said. Sorry, but just maybe good advice is worth repeating. :)</p>

20

<p>Margsala: Your feelings about going off to college are very common, it's just that most adolescents don't outwardly admit it. Trust me, virtually all incoming freshman will be as scared as you. It's an absolutely natural feeling.</p>

<p>Suggestions: During your first few weeks on campus, take advantage of EVERY opportunity to become socially and academically CONNECTED to the school. Orientation activities will provide numerous opportunities for you to get to know people. Remember, all incoming freshman are hoping to make new friends as much as you, so don't hesitate to make an effort to get to know others. Whatever you do, don't hang around with high school friends at orientation, and don't isolate yourself by hanging around in your dorm room when new incoming freshmen are socializing.</p>

<p>It's very important that you CONNECT with the school within the first two months. That's when most new friendships are forged.</p>

<p>(2) Before you even get to campus, go to the website of your college and familiarize yourself with all extracurricular clubs and organizations. Make a list of two or three that you want to immerse yourself in.</p>

<p>At orientation, there will be a day when representatives from all clubs and organizations will be on hand to provide information and to encourage new freshmen to join. FANTASTIC WAY TO GET TO MEET NEW PEOPLE!!!</p>

<p>(3) In your dorm, go out of your way to get to know as many people on your floor as possible. Ask them if they want to go to the dining hall with you. Remember, they want to meet new friends as much as you do. You're all in this new experience together!!!</p>

<p>(4) If you are religious, join a religious organiztion on campus (Hillel, Newman Club, etc. Good way to get to know others.</p>

<p>(5) If you're homesick, accept the fact that it's ok and normal to miss your family and friends. But: TRY YOUR BEST TO AVOID GOING HOME FOR THE FIRST FOUR TO SIX WEEKS. While homesick students are going home on weekends, those who stay on campus are forging new friendships and connecting with the college.</p>

<p>(6) If you are so homesick that you want to transfer to a college closer to home by January, DON'T DO IT. Many freshmen want to leave college during the first semester. By the middle of the second semester, nearly all of those same students have decided to stay for the entire four years!!!!!</p>

<p>(7) If you are homesick, make an appointment with the Counseling Center at your college. Much of their work between September and December focuses on helping homesick students. That's what the counselors are there for, and believe me, you will not be the only student getting counseling for homesickness.</p>

<p>(8) Go to the website of various colleges and click on "Counseling Services." It's likely that you'll find information relating to homesickness.</p>

<p>You'll do great! Good luck!</p>