Scholarship renewal appeal - would you approve based on my letter?

Paying for College
1

I was a top student in high school, taking 16 ap tests scoring well on all of them, 1540 on the SAT and 4.61 GPA. However, my freshman year of college resulted in a 1.6, as I became addicted to drugs and lived on my own and had a bad group of friends and whatnot. Here is my letter of appeal. What do you think? I think it is good, just maybe a little too lengthy, but i don’t know. That is why I am posting on here. Also, it is due tomorrow… thanks

Dear Scholarship Committee,

I am writing this appeal to kindly ask for consideration for renewal of this scholarship in light of the issues that caused my failure to meet the requirements and the plan that I have developed- with help from academic advisors, my therapist, and the Dean of Engineering- to raise my GPA and maintain excellent academic performance in the following semesters.

The cause of my failure to maintain a satisfactory GPA was the development of a substance use addiction during this past year. Transitioning out of high school, finishing with a 4.613 weighted GPA, 1540 on the SAT, and passing grades on 16 AP tests resulting in 55 transfer credits coming into X school, my expectations for myself, and others’ expectations of me were high. My first semester, I signed up for two 300 level breadth courses, an honors course, and I was participating in research projects with Prof. XYZ in the XYZ Lab, which I have been doing since high school. In addition, I completed an online Real Estate course to become an agent in the state of X during my first semester of college.

I also moved into my own apartment near campus during the first semester, as I enrolled at X school with the intention to commute from home, but quickly found the commute to be burdensome. On top of the transition from living at home with my parents, where I found it easy to discipline myself and focus on my education, to living on my own, in an apartment, with a dog and a girlfriend, and enrolling in upper level and honors courses and facing a whole new set of social expectations and responsibilities, my parents got divorced the summer before my first year at X school.

I believe that the culmination of all of these major changes in my life- family struggles, living on my own, enrolling in challenging, upper-level college courses, new social expectations, and more- led to the development of my substance use disorder, which I have learned is considered to be a mental illness. I think that the stress of trying to face all of these changes at once, which occurred all in such a short period of time, contributed to the development of my disease. Although I am not exactly sure what specifically caused it, the important thing, I have learned, is the myriad defense strategies available to me that I can use to prevent it from taking over my life ever again.

At the beginning of this summer, towards the end of May, I began going to therapy, once or twice a week, and there I learned about my severe anxiety issues, which I would normally suppress and rationalize, and I also came to understand that I had a problem with substance use. I learned to address my problems head-on, and run towards them, not away from them. In June 2019, I decided that I wanted to go to a rehab facility, in order to get help with beating this addiction for good and ensure that it would not carry on into the rest of my life, as I am still very young. By the grace of my parents support, I was admitted to X Rehab on X date. From this experience, I learned about the seriousness, and in many cases, the deadliness of substance use addiction. More importantly, how to construct, employ, and maintain defenses against the disease, defenses which have worked for millions of people who wanted to stay sober, and get their lives together. I now go to AA/NA meetings pretty much daily, I meet with my therapist weekly, I stay in touch with people who support me and understand the issue I went through on a daily basis, I work a twelve-step spiritual program, and I have cut off all associations with my addiction in the past, including old friends, places, and things.

In the upcoming semesters, I will continue to go to several twelve-steps, recovery-based meetings every week, and I am going to find groups on campus to participate in when the fall semester starts- I know there is one on X street that meets every X day at X time, and I plan on going to the one next week. I will continue to meet with my therapist on a weekly basis, and I will go to tutoring, the writing center, the math lab, and I will not hesitate to reach out for additional support as the semester goes on if I find myself struggling in any way. I failed to reach out for support this past year, much less recognize my problem, and, in retrospect, and through my recent experiences of reaching out to a variety of supports available to me, I have learned first hand how helpful these support systems are, and I am eager to use all of the resources available to me to their fullest extent.

I recently met with my advisors at X school, and Dean X, and I have developed a plan to raise my GPA. I am working on a X petition to retroactively withdraw from the courses I took in the Spring semester of 2019. This petition, if accepted, will negate the poor grades I received in my courses the spring semester, and I plan on retaking both X course and Y course, both of which I failed in the fall semester of 2018. When I retake these courses, the grade that I earn this time around will be used in the calculation of my GPA, instead of the failing grades, therefore my GPA will increase significantly, given I do well. I plan on keeping it as close to a 4.0 as possible from here on out; nothing will come before that goal.

In order to maintain my commitment to my academic career, and remain accountable to someone other than myself, I have arranged to meet with my academic advisor, X every Tuesday at 4 PM. I already had my first appointment with X this week. She plans to get me back on track on research projects I was earlier involved in and she will be putting me in touch with one of her Ph.D. students so that we can work as a team. I am very excited to resume my research activities and I am looking forward to this collaboration. In my meeting with Dean X, in addition to discussing the necessary actions for me to take to get back on track, and the resources available to me on campus for support in academics and recovery from substance use disorders, we also discussed a 4+1 MBA program as my aspiration has been, for quite some time, to study business as well as computer science. This program appeals to me immensely, and I plan on signing up for it this upcoming semester, but in order to not rule out any options preemptively, I am also looking into a minor or a double major in business.

I am grateful for all the support that I have received and for all of the amazing resources available to me as I undertake this semester with a clear mind. I have taken it upon myself to give my best and get back on track to achieve a fantastic GPA in the semesters to come. I believe that the primary factors to my success have been in the past, and will continue to be, my ability to exercise self-discipline, utilize focus, develop a vision for the future, utilize time management strategies and habits, hold myself accountable, and ultimately follow through with my commitments.

I thank you very much for taking the time to consider my appeal and I am looking forward to being reconsidered as a candidate for this scholarship. I would be very glad to answer any further questions if any members of the committee may have that I have not answered in my letter. If you would like any additional documentation please feel free to reach out to me by email X

Sincerely,
X.

2

You lost me at paragraph 5. It honestly sounds like you’re doing all the right things, but your letter is much, much too long. I like that you have specific steps you’ve already started and a detailed plan to go forward. Paragraphs 2-4 could be condensed into a couple sentences.

3

Thank you. I know its too long, im working on shortening it without leaving out parts that I think are important. I have been working on this for a while today, stressing about it, so I might sleep on it and come back with fresh eyes in the morning, and try to write a much shorter version. I did research other appeal letters, and they say to be concise, but after failing many attempts I just decided to write it out how I want to, and this came out. I will try to shorten it though, thank you, there are definitely some parts that are not necessary if I make my goal to be concise and to the point.

4

Sleeping on it is always a good idea. Keep in mind as you revise that the letter isn’t about what YOU think is important. Write about what THEY think is important, which is showing you know what went wrong, you take responsibility, and the specific steps you have taken and will continue to take to remedy the situation. You don’t need a long detailed history of how you got in the situation. They’ve heard it before with different names and faces, and they can fill in the blanks. What they want is to be able to accurately assess your chances at a turnaround. You have to be honest with them and with yourself.

5

Your letter is WAYYYYYYY too long. You need to shorten it, and put in the important facts. Remove all sentence starters…things like “in order to maintain my commitment ”.just say what you will do.

I would delete the reference to picking up a double major or minor. Frankly, you didn’t do well with one major…it’s not going to impress anyone that you want to do more. I’d also ditch the reference to the 4/1 MBA program. Stick to passing courses in ONE major for your bachelors. That’s what you need to concentrate on now.

You don’t need a 4.0 GPA…

Ditch the paragraph that starts with “I’m grateful for all the supports”.

Last paragraph…just say “thank you for considering my appeal”. The rest is just blah blah blah.

You get the point. More words does not create a better letter. Delete anything that is just words and not information.

Will it be successful? What was your GPA after semester one?

Just be prepared for a no answer. This sounds like a merit award and there was a GPA requirement to keep this award. You didn’t meet that bar.

So…do shorten your letter and see what they say. But come up with plan B just in case they say no.

6

Sorry for being a pain, but do you think this is getting close to short enough? I realize it is still kind of long, but definitely a lot shorter… I have to submit today so if you dont get to it no worries you already helped a ton… :
Dear Scholarship Committee,

I am writing this appeal to ask for consideration for renewal of this scholarship in light of the mental health issues that caused my failure to meet the requirements and the plan that I have in place to improve my GPA and academic performance in the following semesters.

The cause of my failure to maintain a satisfactory GPA was the development of a substance use addiction during this past year. Transitioning out of high school, finishing with a 4.613 weighted GPA, 1540 on the SAT, and passing grades on 16 AP tests resulting in 55 transfer credits coming into X school, expectations were high. My first semester, I signed up for two 300 level breadth courses, an honors course, and I was participating in research projects with Prof X in X Lab In addition, I completed an online Real Estate course to become an agent in the state of X. I also moved into an apartment on my own near campus, as I enrolled at X with the intention to commute, but quickly found the commute to be burdensome. On top of transitioning to living on my own, taking upper-level college courses, and facing new social expectations, my parents got divorced the summer before my first year at X, and my grandmother passed away. All of these major changes in my life, the stress they brought, and my failure to reach out for support during this decisive time, led to the development of my substance use disorder. I own up to the fact that I failed two classes and did not perform to the standards set out for me in this scholarship, and I have learned strategies to prevent this from happening again.

At the beginning of this summer, I began going to therapy weekly, and I learned that I was suffering from severe anxiety which led to substance use addiction. In June, I made the decision to go to a rehab facility to get help beating this addiction and learning ways to ensure that it would not carry on into the rest of my life. I was admitted to X rehab on June 24, and my life changed. Here, I learned how deadly this disease that I developed can be. More importantly, I learned how to use defenses to escape and remain free from the disease. I now go to AA/NA meetings daily, I meet with my therapist weekly, I stay in touch with people who are supportive and understand the disease on a daily basis, I work a twelve-step spiritual program, I work with other addicts, I have a sponsor in the AA program, and I have cut off all associations with my addiction in the past, including old friends, places, and things.

In the upcoming semesters, I will continue to go to twelve-steps, recovery-based meetings every week, and I will find recovery groups on campus to participate in when the fall semester starts- I know there is one on X street that meets every Y at Z, and I plan on going next week. I will continue to meet with my therapist, and I will go to tutoring, the writing center, the math lab, and I will not hesitate to reach out for additional support as the semester goes on if I find myself struggling in any way. I have arranged to meet with my academic advisor, X every Tuesday at 4 PM. I already had my first appointment with X this week. She plans to get me back on track on research projects I was earlier involved in and she will be putting me in touch with one of her Ph.D. students so that we can work as a team. I am very excited to resume my research activities and I am looking forward to this collaboration. I failed to reach out for support this past year, or acknowledge my problem, and I plan on using all of the support available to me this upcoming semester.

I recently met with Dean X, and I have developed a plan to raise my GPA. I am working on a X Petition to retroactively withdraw from the courses I took in the Spring semester of 2019. This petition- if accepted- will negate the poor grades I received in my courses the spring semester. It would bring my GPA up to a 2.071. Next, I plan on retaking both Y and Z, courses which I failed in the fall semester of 2018. Upon retaking those courses, the grade I receive this time around will be used in calculating my GPA, thus if I do well, my GPA should increase significantly.

I thank you very much for taking the time to consider my appeal. I would be glad to answer any further questions or provide any additional documentation. Please feel free to reach out to me by email at X

Sincerely,
X.

7

It still looks pretty long lol damn Im gonna work on trimming it more

8

Here’s what I would cut:

Dear Scholarship Committee,

I am writing this appeal to ask for consideration for renewal of this scholarship. The cause of my failure to maintain a satisfactory GPA was the development of a substance use addiction stemming from a diagnosed anxiety disorder.

At the beginning of this summer, I began going to therapy weekly and was admitted to X rehab on June 24, and my life changed. I now attend daily AA/NA meetings, meet with my therapist weekly, stay in touch with people who are supportive and understand the disease on a daily basis, work a twelve-step spiritual program, work with other addicts, have a sponsor in the AA program, and I have cut off all associations with my addiction in the past, including old friends, places, and things.

In the upcoming semesters, I will continue to go to twelve-steps, recovery-based meetings every week, will join the recovery group on X street that meets every Y at Z, and I will continue to meet with my therapist. In addition I will go to tutoring, the writing center, the math lab, and reach out for additional support. I have arranged to meet with my academic advisor, X every Tuesday at 4 PM. I plan on using all of the support available to me this upcoming semester.

I recently met with Dean X, and I have developed a plan to raise my GPA. I am working on a X Petition to retroactively withdraw from the courses I took in the Spring semester of 2019. This petition- if accepted- will negate the poor grades I received in my courses the spring semester. It would bring my GPA up to a 2.071. Next, I plan on retaking both Y and Z, courses which I failed in the fall semester of 2018. Upon retaking those courses, the grade I receive this time around will be used in calculating my GPA.

I thank you very much for taking the time to consider my appeal. I would be glad to answer any further questions or provide any additional documentation. Please feel free to reach out to me by email at X

Sincerely,
X.

Good luck!

9

Your emphasis on mental illness, falling prey to substance abuse, the burden of commuting (presumably from close enough to school,) the difficulties in adapting to courses harder than hs, challenges of living on your own, new social expectations, family issues, a real estate course, and the lengthy, convoluted writing…

all point to you not being ready.

The only “progress” you report is starting 12 step and therapy. What has actually changed, that you can point to? It’s not family support (that’s a help, not a result.) Nor is it telling the school you’ll drop the problem classes from your record and start again, and “plan” to be better. HS record has next to nothing to do with the person you need to be now. You need to rethink this whole approach. It’s not enough to promise or even say you have some dept help. How have you changed, in ways that prove you ARE stronger, ways the committee needs to see? Results that show you ARE now, a few months later, ready?

This is the sort of explanation that could come after you have results to point to. Some kids do take a break, take cc courses, get a job, cite a longer record of a 12 step program, how they worked on academic challenges, developed social skills, figured out the living situation, and more.

Sorry if that’s harsh. Good Luck.

10

I agree that you should give it a shot, but it’s unlikley they will reinstate merit aid when your GPA is so far below any required minimum and will take time (more than a semester) to bring up.

11

With a 1.6 GPA, you may have to be more concerned about being on academic probation and subject to academic dismissal.