scholarship weekends and potential conflicts

Parents Forum
1

<p>Yes, yes. I know. I worry too much. It's what I do best. Fret. What can I say? I'm a fretter.</p>

<p>In my never ending search for merit aid granting colleges to add to/refine D's list of possibles (read: I find , she rejects), I think I've stumbled onto a problem I know some of the pro's must have faced: Conflicts between scholarship weekends, and between scholarship weekends and team based school events. The scholarship weekends that will conflict with each other, I guess we'll just have to live with those but it's the almost guaranteed conflicts that D will have with basketball games and playoffs, and UIL team and ensemble competitions potentially throughout the "scholarship weekend" months ,if she gets lucky enough to be invited, that bother me. (And based on last year's dates, such school events would have knocked D out of THREE scholarship competitions at schools she is considering.)</p>

<p>All her life we have had a rule-if you sign up for a competitive team event (athletic or academic or ensemble band) where your absence impacts the team or ensemble negatively, you go to that team event without consideration of the individual gain you may receive from the conflicting event. Period. The rule has served her well, as what she gains from the lessons of teamwork and individual sacrifice for the betterment of the group have always clearly won out over the mostly transitory positives of the individual event. She has given up trips, academic awards, money, and has had complications to family life, friendships, and classwork because of this stance but really, she has never batted an eye. Never questioned what is the right thing to do ,at least not for very long or very loudly.</p>

<p>I know what the right thing to do is , and I know that right and wrong can't be decided on the basis of the potential gain you may receive for doing wrong, but jiminy-is this going to be possible? Can I really expect her to choose between starting an area championship basketball game at center for her high school team that (trust me) we will lose if she doesn't play and the scholarship weekend at the school of her dreams? Or the state contest in band when she is a section leader? Or the UIL Regional Math Contest when she scores routinely in the top 2 of our competitors and the alternate is .... "not so hot"?</p>

<p>Based on this past year's calendar, all of these could be conflicts with scholarship weekends at some of D's chosen schools (IF the weekends stay the same, who knows?). I really don't want to throw out 17 years of consistent parenting, and I'm unwilling to do so, but it seems that if I don't she may have to pick schools that have zero potential for conflicts and/or cut down her activities senior year to nil. Neither are very appealing.</p>

<p>I know all you "need only" college parents will have a hard time relating, but just suspend your disbelief and accept arguendo that D cannot attend a top school (however you wish to define it) without a very fortunate and unlikely Profile calculation, a large merit aid award, or a particular set of numbers appearing on the Lotto.</p>

<p>I'm guessing the answer here is "quityer*****in', at least she has choices", but how have others dealt with this issue as I'm sure it has come up at least once before? Right? I can just see myself explaining to D that she did the right thing but that a chance for a high school bi-district championship cost her the opportunity to go to her number one college choice. That will be a pleasant evening.</p>

<p>(Sometimes I really just want to make a website for the kid. Have her post all her vitals. Me post all our financials. Throw in a few rec's and essays. List some parameters for qualifying the schools, and say - Hey, who wants this kid and will find a way she can attend? Sure would be easier. For me anyway. )</p>

2

<p>Curmudgeon, no advice here, just empathy. I too have been consulting the calendar with trepidation, although it looks like my daughter is going to fare a bit better (no known conflicts yet). So you're definitely not alone in the fretting business.</p>

<p>Is there a history at your daughter's school (or with her coach) for dealing with these things? What is/would be their input? The obvious assumption is that a coach would say "No way, she needs to be here", but it might be an assumption worth verifying. What about the colleges? Do they have any "...if you cannot attend..." statements with alternate possibilities on their websites?</p>

<p>Sorry I can't offer any concrete advice. I recall that Jamimom went through some scheduling nightmares with her son and his auditions; maybe she could weigh in (and where has Jami been lately anyway?)</p>

3

<p>cur, </p>

<p>I think there is some flexibility to these scheduled events. My D was unable to attend a weekend to interview re merit scholarship at one of her schools and they instead interviewed her over the phone. My advice is to call the schools in question, way ahead of time, and see what can be arranged to avoid the conflict. You might also want to show up in person on a different date, to 'demonstrate interest.'</p>

<p>BTW if a school that is trying to court "winners" can't understand that winners (a) fulfill their obligations and (b) have lots of them! there may be too darn much red tape at that school!</p>

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<p>Miss the games but try as best as you can to accomodate the playoff schedule. My d too plays sports. Coaches can and do intimidate the kids into thinking that all games are necessary and if they miss a game, the team will be let down. I agree with the concept, and most of the time, we live by those rules. But sometimes- you gotta remember what is the best for YOUR FAMILY. I'll agree with Mezzomom- see if there are any alternate dates for scholarship weekends. Just remember, there's only about a week of scheduled playoffs for each sports "season". I just arranged my mom's 90th birthday party based on when the basketball season ends. I was at least able to schedule it in the same month as her actual birthday. To a non-sports family, all the scheduling sounds crazy--but I understand your concerns. Good luck. If you're lucky (??) maybe the team won't get into playoffs.</p>

5

<p>After the invitation, have D call the school, they will accomodate the student's needs if possible. Maybe an early or late interview time to allow her to meet her other obligations. Phone interviews might be possible if out-of-state. Usually these weekends involve additional events to promote the school, which may not be mandatory for consideration.</p>

6

<p>C-Mudge, I truly think she'll be okay. As many have said, I think schools tend to be a little more flexible than they might otherwise admit when it comes to these things. Look at it this way -- one of the reasons (I assume) that these schools want your kid, other than the academics, is the passion and the commitment they bring to their other activities. I can't imagine that they would shoot themelves in the foot by taking a flat-out "no exceptions/no flexibility" approach. And if they do, is that really the school where your D wants to be?</p>

7

<p>Good points ,all. Thanks, I needed that. That DOES take the edge off. Now to find someone who has actually accomplished this juggling act with one of these copetitions, not just interview.


</p>

<p>LOL. Yes, that would be true in most reasonable states but we are in Texas. Basketball playoffs can last a month (if you make state, which , of course is D's goal!).</p>

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<p>curmudgeon: Yes, schools and scholarship committees are flexible, but my advice is...if it's a scholarship in which she is truly, truly interested, I say go to the scholarship weekend--the entire weekend. Inform her coaches or teachers in the fall that these conflicts may come up, just so they know months in advance. My daughter skipped her senior prom because of a finalist weekend...I know, I know. Not exactly the same thing...but she happily skipped it, because she really cared about this, and it was certainly worth it. You never want to second-guess yourself (if you're up for a scholarship and don't get it), that maybe you would have-- if you'd taken it seriously enough to be there the whole weekend, instead of in the h.s. game? And no matter how flexible the college or scholarship committee seems, your daughter would always, always second guess herself if things didn't turn out positively for her. Again, just let the appropriate people in the school know in the fall that this might be an issue come April. And I do remember on the Duke site this spring, someone mentioning that he was up for an AB Duke Scholarship, and for some reason, the poster couldn't make the weekend. I'm not sure what was more important. He did post that he called, and they just told him flat-out that he would be ineligible if he couldn't make the finalist weekend. And, frankly, I don't blame them. If a school nominates you for a prestigious scholarship, and you're interested, you should be there. Well, that's my 2 cents..</p>

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<p>Well, I'm about to discuss with D that her spring band and UIL activities may have to go bye-bye. This will be loads of fun. But there isn't any way I'm going to be able to talk her into giving up a basketball season after how hard she's worked to be captain of the school's first winning team since 1989 (last year-area champs, this year ???). (We literally have my kid and a mop handle to play her position.) Oh, well. If this was easy everyone could do it.</p>

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<p>OK...what's a scholarship weekend?</p>

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<p>quiltguru: Sometimes schools have merit scholarships that have a finalist weekend, where all the finalists for a particular scholarship meet at the school for a weekend of interviews, dinners, organized events, etc. It's a chance for the school and/or scholarship committee to meet the student in person. They know all about you on paper, but they want to have a chance to see how you interact with your peers and others, and how you come across in interviews. And the student really learns from those weekends as well. They're definitely purposeful, for all involved in the process. </p>

<p>curmudgeon: Let me add that from our experience and others' that schools and scholarship committees are usually very flexible and understanding about conflicting scholarship weekends at other schools, but not sure about high school events. I will also have to say that, even if your daughter feels differently, most high school teachers and coaches (though they may not like it) understand that the senior year is a culmination of 4 years of hard work, and college conflicts will --and do-- arise during the spring of that senior year. They should be accustomed to that.</p>

12

<p>I can promise you that places like Coca Cola Scholars will not accomodate your schedule. If you don't go, you don't get the money. As much as I enjoy watching kids play ball, life takes precedence over games. High school coaches may think they are gods, but they're really not. Remember, the coach's goal is his next contract, not your child's best interest, period.</p>

13

<p>As a point of information, some of the scholarship apps will tell you the dates of the final cut and will require the applicant to represent in advance that he/she can attend. Not coming to the weekend at all is frowned upon, may cause your student to be disqualified and at least will hurt your child's chances and keep your child from meeting his/her peers, seeing the school and meeting faculty who may become mentors. The schools are used to and try to work around important high school events to the extent possible--but the kid has to go to part of the scholarship weekend (well, maybe not if he/she is in the hospital or some such).</p>

<p>Also, bear in mind that there is more than money at stake with some of these scholarships--the recipients are often in special programs and get special attention, coursework, contacts, etc. at the undergrad level.</p>

<p>Would the sports coaches be as upset if your child was asked to try out for an Olympic event during playoff season?</p>

<p>good luck.</p>

14

<p>I understand your concern, we have the same ethic in our house and also the school reinforces this.</p>

<p>I'm about to show my ignorance. If she's part of a basketball team that may very well win their championship, isn't she being recruited for the basketball team at the colleges? Surely the colleges would understand that situation, even if there is not athletic money involved. </p>

<p>Band (or other music, my son sings) is a no-brainer. Not a conservatory-qualified musician, too bad, college comes first. </p>

<p>I don't know what UIL is, but sounds academic. In this case I would put it in the same category as the basketball.</p>

<p>You know, Cur, this is one of the reasons why I have insisted that we have an appointment with a real faculty member or two at the colleges we have visited, so that if such a huge opportunity arises, Son will have someone other than admissions people to call and ask, what do I do? I am not anticipating this, but just for arguments sake, let's say S is considered for competitive merit award, and the visiting day is during the spring break when the choir is on their biannual tour to Europe. He can tell the admissions people of the conflict, and email the physics prof he visited so as to keep him in the loop.</p>

15

<p>This has already come up with D. She is part of the top (auditioned) show choir and will have to miss competitions in order to be at music school/conservatory auditions and scholarship weekends. This was a big concern to her and to me. She considered not auditioning for the group but decided to go ahead after discussing it with her director. He is aware of the conflicts ahead of time and indicated that she should go ahead with try-outs. I'm sure it will have an impact on her solos (probably won't be any this year!). But my sense from the college music school is that attendance at the merit scholarship weekends is very important. Some indicate that non-attendance will result in no consideration and others indicated that alternatives could be explored but that non-attendance would be a disadvantage. I'm a fretter too...</p>

16

<p>We too have been in this position,musically related. To me it was a no brainer....college=future.HS activities=past.Guess what took precedence in our household?</p>

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<p>Our personal experience has been that attendance at these weekens is either cumpulsory or highly recomended. Highly recomended to mean - if you don't attend you will not receive serious consideration. Merit awards and Scholars programs are very selective and schools want to make sure that they have a high percent of acceptance from recipients. One of the best ways of measuring interest is attendance at the weekend. The weekend has a full schedule of activities. The interviews are important, but you can almost consider the whole weekend to be an interview. The school staff has constant interaction and is looking for leaders and key people in various activities. Considering that most if not all attending are usually offered some level of merit aid, attendance can have a significant impact on finances.</p>

<p>As confusemom stated above, Scholars programs are about a lot more than money. Scholars are offered priority housing, registration, special programs and retreats, often the chance to work with professors or do research as freshmen, have special advisors and a whole lot more. I would certainly recomend that anyone who has a chance take advantage of a Scholars program do so. </p>

<p>Schools may schedule their scholars weekend to conflict with potentialy competing schools. Knowing that some of their potential "Scholars" are also looking at competing schools. Since they are looking for a comitment from people that they may offer meri awards to - one of the easiest ways for them to judge this is attendance at such a weekend.</p>

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<p>I agree with the importance of the scholarship competitions, I just have trouble with the result. If D can't honor her commitment to the team , she shouldn't play-it's really that simple to me. To pledge fidelity (which is required) and to renege would be a life lesson I don't think I want to be a part of teaching, even if the securing of that pledge might be considered by some as unreasonable. </p>

<p>I will probably suggest that D pencil in the various possibilities as we know them or can reasonably speculate and take them to coach and say-"Here's the deal. If they call, I gotta go. Here's the weekend it was last year. Here's what they said on the phone when I asked about dates. If they don't call or write to invite me, we're O.K.. Coach, given those parameters you tell me whether you want me to play for you this year and I'll live with your choice." </p>

<p>The problem is that these decisions should be made now, as D has to register and if she's not playing ball, than she can't be in athletics and could take another course.</p>

<p>And to the poster who asked about the Olympics. Yep. No high school coach is going to excuse attendance at a playoff game, or critical district game for the Olympics, the Oscars, or the Nobel Prize.They ask for a commitment at the beginning of every year and say "If you can't agree to this, I don't need you on the team." I don't much cotton to welching on a honest deal once made, even if it's a bad one.</p>

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<p>I would recommend going to the weekend. My son won a full tuition scholarship at WASHU, but had to attend a 4 day scholar's weekend that literally was all about him and the committee getting to know each other. The actual interviews were on the last day. He absolutely HAD to be there. It was as essential for my S as it was for the school. He came home KNOWING it was his first choice school and that was newsworthy as he didn't feel that way when he left home for the visit. The contacts he made were VERY significant. He was asked to work in a prof's lab for example.</p>

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<p>So she is a crucial part of the b-ball team, the math team, and the band (team)? Here is my rationaization: Maybe it would be appropriate for her to step back and give someone else a chance to "shine." Not in b-ball of course! Sacrifice the entire season? no way!! You want her to give up 50% of her present (my estimate of the importance of b-ball to her senior year) for an unknown future? Doesn't she want to play college ball? How could she even think about playing college ball if she doesn't play as a hs senior?? (Oh, you must have been joking about that, right). I hope you find that the colleges have a little flexibility in their dates. good luck!</p>