<p>I got a 6 (out of 12) on the essay twice, once for ACT and once for SAT... WITH a good amount of preparation. I'm really frustrated about this because I'm not that bad of a writer and don't feel like I deserve the score (but apparently I do). I kinda want to retake the test because I'm afraid that this score will reflect poorly, but I'm not sure I can do better.
Bottom line: should I retake a test because of my bad essay score?
If it wasn't for this, I feel like I would be satisfied with my scores.</p>
<p>*badly… i think… </p>
<p>Take my advice: Look at previously written SAT essays online that got 12’s or go on AP central website and read the essays that got perfect scores on the AP test for Eng Language. I pretty much copied their essays when I did practice tests and gradually developed ideas in a pattern similar to how those perfect scoring students did. Just as you mimic the ways people solve questions on yahoo answers for biology/chemistry/physics, so you must mimic Eng writers to succeed. (not copy their ideas just “how” they write)</p>
<p>@indelliblename i’ve tried doing that and i’m pretty sure my 2nd essay could’ve gotten a 10 (because i followed a proven format). i’m not sure if it’s because the evidence didn’t work? but i’ve basically lost all confidence in my writing abilities. plus i got a 4 on AP English so… ugh.</p>
<p>Can you post your essay. I can critique and adjust it.</p>
<p>@indelliblename sure, that would be great, thanks!</p>
<pre><code>What determines success in life is not intelligence or talent, but character: those qualities gained both from living in an honorable and straightforward manner and from learning to deal with disappointment and hardship. Without character, an individual has no hope of true success. Even when competing against opponents of considerable intelligence or strength, those individuals who possess strong character will ultimately win.
</code></pre>
<p>ASSIGNMENT:
Does a person’s character determine that person’s success in life? </p>
<p>Essay:
Everyone has different opinions on how to be successful. Some say it’s luck, while others argue it’s hard work or innate talents that allow people to achieve their goals. Indeed, there are many roads to success; however, the most important quality a person must have is character. Without it, even the most brilliant may fail.</p>
<p>Although many believe that pure genius is enough to succeed, it is an inaccurate belief. In the classic tragedy Macbeth, Macbeth is an intelligent man who would’ve had a bright future as king. But when he found out that he will be king in the future, his greed and ambitions took over his sense of loyalty to his country. When he lost his honorable traits, he became a despicable person who committed heinous deeds like murder and manipulation. He became a tyrant ruler hated by all. Even though he achieved his goal, he was not successful, and he was eventually killed by a person with character, who succeeded despite not being as talented as Macbeth.</p>
<p>Macbeth is a fictional work, but it’s still a timeless classic with universal themes that speak true even today, helping to show that intelligence is not enough by itself. To succeed in life, a person must have character. For instance, Robert Herjavec was born in a poor family. His parents were immigrants to the U.S., so he lived a very tough life. However, he had the work ethic, resourcefulness, and willingness to take risks. These qualities, combined with his natural talents as an entrepreneur, allowed him to become one of the most wealthy people in the country when he built a million dollar company. Even now, he continuously invests in other companies. Because of his character, Herjavec was able to overcome difficult circumstances and rise to the top. Had he lacked determination and drive, achieving such wealth would’ve been nearly impossible.</p>
<p>There are so many roadblocks in life. Without character and important traits such as honor and persistence, it is unlikely that anyone would overcome obstacles and reach the top.</p>
<p>I don’t like the first sentence. Avoid very broad generalizations such as “everyone has a propensity to do good”, “Communities strive to make the world a better place”, “It is known that friends provide comfort in tough times”. Not all people try to do good, not all communities-- for example, the duress in Iran— strive to make the world a better place, not all friends provide comfort. Mull over this explanation for a moment. I’ll critique it more later and provide explanations with examples.</p>
<p>Learning the lessons taught by failure is a sure route to success. (THESIS STATEMENT) The United States of America can be seen as a success that emerged from failure: by learning from the weaknesses of the Articles of Confederation, the founding fathers were able to create theConstitution, the document on which America is built. (BEST SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [1]) Google Inc., the popular Internet search engine, is another example of a success that arose from learning from failure, though in this case Google learned from the failures of its competitors. (NEXT BEST SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [2]) Another example that shows how success can arise from failure is the story of Rod Johnson, who started a recruiting firm that arose from Johnson’s personal experience of being laid off. (NEXT BEST SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [3])
The United States, the first great democracy of the modern world, is also one of the best examples of a success achieved by studying and learning from earlier failures. (TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EXAMPLE 1) After just five years of living under the Articles of Confederation, which established the United States of America as a single country for the first time, the states realized that they needed a new document and a new more powerful government. In 1786, the Annapolis convention was convened. The result, three years later, was the Constitution, which created a more powerful central government while also maintaining the integrity of the states. By learning from the failure of the Articles, the founding fathers created the founding document of a country that has become both the most powerful country in the world and a beacon of democracy. (FOUR DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 1)
Unlike the United States, which had its fair share of ups and downs over the years, the Internet search engine company, Google Inc., has suffered few setbacks since it went into business in the late 1990s. (TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EXAMPLE 2) Google has succeeded by studying the failures of other companies in order to help it innovate its technology and business model. Google identified and solved the problem of assessing the quality of search results by using the number of links pointing to a page as an indicator of the number of people who find the page valuable. Suddenly, Google’s search results became far more accurate and reliable than those from other companies, and now Google’s dominance in the field of Internet search is almost absolute. (THREE DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 2)
The example of Rod Johnson’s success as an entrepreneur in the recruiting field also shows how effective learning from mistakes and failure can be. (TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EXAMPLE 3) Rather than accept his failure after being laid off, Johnson decided to study it. After a month of research, Johnson realized that his failure to find a new job resulted primarily from the inefficiency of the local job placement agencies, not from his own deficiencies. A month later, Johnson created Johnson Staffing to correct this weakness in the job placement sector. Today Johnson Staffing is the largest job placement agency in South Carolina, and is in the process of expanding into a national corporation. (FOUR DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 3)
Failure is often seen as embarrassing, something to be denied and hidden. But as the examples of the U.S. Constitution , Google, and Rod Johnson prove, if an individual, organization, or even a nation is strong enough to face and study its failure, then that failure can become a powerful teacher. (THESIS STATEMENT REPHRASED IN BROADER WAY THAT PUSHES IT FURTHER) The examples of history and business demonstrate that failure can be the best catalyst of success, but only if people have the courage to face it head on.</p>
<p>Learning the lessons taught by failure is a sure route to success… This sentence is original; for example, the diction the write chose-- “sure route”-- certainly does not appear in every essay you find. </p>
<p>ok, actually i see what salient mistake you have made. You use too many TO BE VERBS. When i read your essay, I feel as if I am reading the essays I wrote before I assiduously practiced writing without “to be verbs”.</p>
<p>I can tell you thouroughly thought through your examples, but the “to be” verbs greatly hinder your obtaining a good score on the SAT. </p>
<p>@indelliblename Thanks for the feedback, I’ll read through the essay tomorrow. I’m surprised though, can using too many to be verbs have that much of an impact on my score?</p>
<p>your essay, with a replacement of “to be verbs” for action verbs, would earn you a terrific score. You have solid examples, you have a great format, you use “Had he lacked determination…” correctly (subjunctive form which shows that you have advanced writing knowledge), you end your 2 body paragraphs well, i might say.Yet, the “to be verbs” generally prevents most people from achieving a high score such as yourself. </p>
<p>Consider my inputs: add more action verbs and add more details; the second paragraph is deluged with adjectives, does not include enough execution, not enough details. Even if you can’t remember how Macbeth became a tyrant, merely stating that he was a tyrant will earn you a score of *. Macbeth, defiantly motivated, overthrew the king of America (Scotland), sent forth minions to murder villagers in considerable proportions (only a wife, a couple of children, and some men), and debilitated the moral of his very nation (not mentioned in book directly). I “lied” three times and improved the original sentence by three times.
Although the graders have extensive English learning, they can not deduct points for salient errors, only add points for good writing. In fact, I talked with a grader for the SAT once and he revealed to me that he teaches College-level English. I assume he read Macbeth extensively enough to know that the king of America never existed. </p>
<p>@indelliblename alright, thanks! I’m thinking maybe I will retake the ACT without the essay though… because I would have to spend a lot of time practicing and I’m not sure it’s worth it?</p>
<p>If you have spent more time on the SAT than on the ACT, I would not recommend studying the ACT. A lot of colleges require the ACT essay. </p>
<p>@indelliblename I think I’ve spend about the same amount of time prepping for both. I did take the ACT + essay before… although I think most of the colleges I’m interested in don’t require it.</p>