Scoring writing section essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Comments would be appreciated</p>

<p>The question "Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame or power" suggests that people can be influenced to be things against their morals. In other words, people are driven by selfish motives. In my opinion, i feel that conscience is a stronger factor in determining one's actions. Throughout society and in life, the evidence to prove my viewpoint is pervasive.</p>

<p>For example, consider John Timay who was a bankrupt businessman who lived in America around the 1950s. He was given the the opportunity to regain his riches but through non-moral means. It was a job where he had to deceive innocent citizens into buying a scam. But in the end, he not only declined the opportunity but also filed a report on the criminal who offered him the job. As you can see, improving his life through a moral mean was a stronger motivator than instant money. </p>

<p>Also take note of Peter Mayer who was a robber in Saint Louis in the 1900s. In the middle of a jewelry heist, he saw an endangered women drowning in the Mississippi river. The police were pursuing him and for him to successfully retreat, he had to ignore her and leave her to die. But instead of being influenced by the money he could have gained, he threw the jewelry and jumped into the river to save the women. As you can see, his "conscience" made him forget about the money and save a life.</p>

<p>My last vivid example is of He Zhou Zhen who was part of the police force in China around the 1990s. During one of his investigations of a kidnap, he was in a situation where two people were held hostage. He had successfully saved one and he could have achieved fame even if the other died. But instead of submitting to that fame, he risked his life to save the second women. Sadly, as he managed to free her and was on the run, the kidnapper shot him in the back. As this proves, saving both lives was a more powerful motivator than the fame he could have achieved if successfully escaping with one. </p>

<p>Clearly, these examples show that people are motivated by conscience instead of money or fame. Look at John Timay who gave up easy riches by following his morals and doing what was right. Take note of He Zhou Zhen who gave up the fame and publicity as a hero to follow his conscience in order to save lives. If everyone followed their conscience and did what was morally right, the world would be a much safer and nicer place to live.</p>

2

<p>I forgot, this was the prompt</p>

<p>Topic: A mistakenly cynical view of human behavior holds that people are primarily driven by selfish motives: the desire for wealth, for power, or for fame. Yet history gives us many examples of individuals who have sacrificed their own welfare for a cause or principle that they regarded as more important than their own lives. Conscience¬¬¬¬ – that powerful inner voice that tells us what is right and what is wrong – can be a more compelling force than money, power, or fame. Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame or power?</p>

3

<p>I think the essay okay. But i’m not really good at giving scores so i would rather not.</p>

4

<p>Your essay is probably a three, possibly a two.</p>

<p>There’s too much **fact<a href=“or%20made-up%20fact”>/b</a> and too little analysis. The essay looks to be about 400 words, but only about 25 of them are words that convey thoughts.</p>

<p>The stuff that’s neither bolded nor underlined neither adds to nor detracts from the content of your paper (OR it’s something you’ve already said).</p>

<p>Also, are you making up examples? If so, who told you to do that?</p>

<p>The question “Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame or power” suggests that people can be influenced to be things against their morals. In other words, people are driven by selfish motives. In my opinion, i feel that conscience is a stronger factor in determining one’s actions. Throughout society and in life, the evidence to prove my viewpoint is pervasive.</p>

<p>For example, consider John Timay who was a bankrupt businessman who lived in America around the 1950s. He was given the the opportunity to regain his riches but through non-moral means. It was a job where he had to deceive innocent citizens into buying a scam. But in the end, he not only declined the opportunity but also filed a report on the criminal who offered him the job. As you can see, improving his life through a moral mean was a stronger motivator than instant money. </p>

<p>Also take note of Peter Mayer who was a robber in Saint Louis in the 1900s. In the middle of a jewelry heist, he saw an endangered women drowning in the Mississippi river. The police were pursuing him and for him to successfully retreat, he had to ignore her and leave her to die. But instead of being influenced by the money he could have gained, he threw the jewelry and jumped into the river to save the women. As you can see, his “conscience” made him forget about the money and save a life.</p>

<p>My last vivid example is of He Zhou Zhen who was part of the police force in China around the 1990s. During one of his investigations of a kidnap, he was in a situation where two people were held hostage. He had successfully saved one and he could have achieved fame even if the other died. But instead of submitting to that fame, he risked his life to save the second women. Sadly, as he managed to free her and was on the run, the kidnapper shot him in the back. As this proves, saving both lives was a more powerful motivator than the fame he could have achieved if successfully escaping with one. </p>

<p>Clearly, these examples show that people are motivated by conscience instead of money or fame. Look at John Timay who gave up easy riches by following his morals and doing what was right. Take note of He Zhou Zhen who gave up the fame and publicity as a hero to follow his conscience in order to save lives. If everyone followed their conscience and did what was morally right, the world would be a much safer and nicer place to live.</p>

5

<p>Aren’t the examples in the body paragraphs just supposed to prove your thesis? And you’re probably right that these examples aren’t really good but is a lot of analysis really necessary for the SAT essay?</p>

6

<p>**

  1. Aren’t the examples in the body paragraphs just supposed to prove your thesis? </p>

<ol>
<li><p>And you’re probably right that these examples aren’t really good </p></li>
<li><p>is a lot of analysis really necessary for the SAT essay?**</p></li>
<li><p>They need to support your reasoning.</p></li>
<li><p>If these examples are legit, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with them as long as you can tell me why they matter. (Also, though I’m not saying that you did this, no one should make up examples.)</p></li>
<li><p>Of course it is. It’s basically the whole ballgame. Analysis is the MAIN thing they’re looking for. If not, they’d just go to Wikipedia and learn about the stuff kids throw onto their papers. The SAT essay is NOT a test of your ability to memorize. Writing reflects your critical thinking skills.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Someone has been feeding you guys some very poor advice.</p>

<p>Maybe that’s why the average SAT essay score is like 7.2 out of 12.</p>

7

<p>There’s still something i’m a little confused about. Aren’t the examples supposed to show that your thesis/reasoning actually happened? </p>

<p>A lot of high scoring SAT essays i have read have body paragraphs that introduces a character/person and describes a situation where he acts in a way that supports the thesis.</p>

<p>If that doesn’t make sense, for example if the prompt was “does the end justify the mean” the paragraphs would describe the situation of a person where he acts in a way that shows the end does/does not justify the mean. Unless i’m misinterpreting your definition of analysis, i’m not really sure why a lot of it is necessary. Can you provide me some examples of what you mean?</p>

8

<p>A lot of high scoring SAT essays i have read have body paragraphs that introduces a character/person and describes a situation where he acts in a way that supports the thesis.</p>

<p>There’s a difference between telling what happens and describing the way someone acts.</p>

<p>ACTION:<br>
Man hides in basement when wife’s father comes to visit.</p>

<p>THE WAY HE ACTS:
reluctant
afraid
weak
etc.</p>

9

<p>It looks like about 8 out of 12 (or 4 out of 6), or maybe a bit better. Length and structure seem fine, but the examples are weak and the topic development pretty basic.</p>