I have a very, very bright daughter with ADHD and depression. She was thought to have non-verbal learning disorder, but testing resulting in the diagnosis of inattentive ADD. I still believe she is somewhere on the spectrum as I have several family members with Asperger’s. She has always been a little different, kind of operated on her own plane, but always had a few friends. She scored high on her ACT, graduated with a 3.65 GPA, and was offered admission to most all of the colleges that she applied to. We anticipated the struggle in college, as she only started waking up on her own senior year, so it was very important that they had a good disability office. Ideally, she would have chosen a school with the TRIO program, which I thought would be perfect for her in several ways, but she chose a different school that did not have the program, but had a very supportive disability counselor. DD had no problem getting her letter for accommodations and talking to her professors, and the year started ok. We met with her disability advisor, and encouraged DD to meet with the advisor weekly as was offered to her. Unbeknownst to us, of course, she was not doing well at all, wasn’t seeing her counselor or seeking help. She dropped one class and just stopped going to another as she struggled with her ADHD, leading her to begin to sink into depression. By November she was asking us about dropping out. She was very close to finals so we encouraged her to seek help, finish the semester, and we would evaluate things when she returned home. While at home she saw her psychiatrist and changed her meds. By January she felt that she was ready to go back, and had a plan in place with her disability advisor to be successful. By the end of February she crashed again, and needed to come home. She was in the midst of a deep depression and almost could not function. She withdrew from the semester, and with the help of her docs at home, she was granted a medical withdrawal for the first semester. After about a month at home she started a part-time job, one she held before going to school, and decided to take one class during the summer. It was two credits, she did great and earned an A. The whole time she was attending counseling and seeing her pdoc regularly(although not taking her meds regularly, nor had she been at school). By the fall she felt she was ready to take classes again, this time while living at home and attending CC(with accommodations). She was working about 12 hours a week, and had four classes, which was her choice. She ended the semester with an A, B, D, and F. She just stopped going, we had no idea, when a couple of her classes got hard. We were not surprised, though, because we never saw her study or do homework.
Our issues with DD are not only with school, but with life in general. I think because she is so bright and didn’t have to work hard in HS she doesn’t know how to work hard, and this was her first experience in failing anything. But, she doesn’t want to ask others for help, she wants to take care of everything herself even if she can’t. She hates taking her meds, and doesn’t most of the time but says she does, and hates anyone knowing that she has any issues or struggles. She had to quit her job because she was going to get fired, largely because I think she thought she was doing better at it than she was, mainly because she wasn’t taking her meds and just wasn’t paying attention to things that she should have been. She is still(reluctantly) going to counseling, and hit a rough spot again a few weeks ago with her depression. She wasn’t taking care of herself, not going to school, thinking about moving out but depressed because she has no where to go, etc. Had a family meeting with her counselor, and she is back on meds again.
So, here we are. My daughter will be 20 in April, and we have no idea what to do. She wants to take classes again this semester, and says she knows she will do much better. I am not sure why. I think she is better about her meds, and seems to be on the upswing. But, she is not in school at the moment and has no job, so she is enjoying hanging on the computer all day long. I have no idea what we should be doing. I don’t know what to do with a kid that really would prefer to live in my house forever, but is angry half of the time that she is here and has rules(typical stuff). I worry so much because she is so immature. I don’t know how to help her when she refuses to help herself half of the time. She knows that she wants to go to college, but is unsure of what she wants to do with her life. I am scared to death that she is going to end up on the street somewhere because she will flunk out of college and be unable to hold a job.
If there is anyone who has faced anything similar to this, do you have any advice on what to do next? We are truly at a loss.
Thank you.