<p>My D has just begun her senior year as a vocal performance major in a conservatory program. She has never been overly confident, but as classes began this week, her confidence hit rock bottom. She has been a member of their prestigious choral group since she was a freshman, but for the first time had to re-audition for the group. She complains that other seniors have been asked to mentor and perform for incoming freshman while she is overlooked. She works very hard. And while she has not been the standout in her class, she has done well up until this point. I just don't understand why her senior year appears to be off to such a rough start. She also seems to be worrying about being good enough to work in her field when she graduates. Nothing I say to her seems to help. Any thoughts would be appreciated.</p>
<p>I think senior year is tough on all performance majors. Especially vocal performance majors. She may need to get some very frank advice from more than one teacher as to what her next step should be. She may be worrying for a good reason.(does she possibly have some technical issues? is her voice not developing properly? etc etc ) It’s very rare indeed for ANYONE to be ready for the opera world right out of undergrad and it’s also common not to be ready for grad school. I imagine she is both fearful and confused.
You mention that she has never been “overly confident”. VP grad students and professionals need steely confidence and then some.</p>
<p>This does not sound like she is a good fit with her studio professor. Can she discuss this with him/her? DD is having those discussions now with hers, actually a follow-on from what they started discussing last year. Last year they discussed if this is REALLY what DD wanted to do . Was there ANYTHING else she liked. The next steps are hard and her professor wanted to make sure she was committed to it or if a change was needed that they had time to make it. . </p>
<p>What voice part is she? DD has found that the mezzos are not getting the recognition that the sopranos are. Development is different and low voices are in a different place on the growth curve. DD is actually taking a year off from formal study after graduation and her professor is working with her on contacts and auditions to stay in music during the gap year. What are your DD’s plans? </p>
<p>If her studio professor is not someone she can talk to, is there another professor that knows her and her singing that she would be comfortable talking to? DD also had her voice coach when she was having rough spots. </p>
<p>On the other hand, when DD was a little discouraged, her summer program boosted her spirits and confidence since everyone there who was a professional performer complimented her and encouraged her to continue. Are there any outside people she can talk to? </p>
<p>This is a hard profession and you are in a hard place since we can only listen and be a shoulder. They will have a hard time surviving this industry if they cannot drive solutions themselves. I hope there is someone who knows her and her singing that can have those conversations with her. meanwhile {{{{{hugs}}}}}</p>
<p>Vocalists, in general, are much more vulnerable than instrumentalists. The vocalist’s instrument is their body, so criticism seems much more hurtful, whereas an instrumentalists’s instrument is external to them and so criticism is not nearly as personal (although many, many instrumentalists live dreading being shot down: any artistic endeavour involves a sharing of what is inside and what is very personal; it hurts when others don’t like what they hear).</p>
<p>There could be a variety of reasons as to why your daughter has been overlooked relative to the other seniors:<br>
a) Some personalities lend themselves more to mentoring (I was asked just last night for the first time in my life to be a mentor and realised that I probably would not be a very good one). Teachers/instructors tend to choose outgoing students with obvious outward confidence as mentors (and I don’t think that they necessarily make the best mentors).
b) Some voices are better for demos for freshman whose voices are still relatively immature. When I have asked students to demonstrate for younger students, I have usually chosen students whose voices are ones that a younger student can reasonably emulate (i.e. I have asked a student who sings well but has a relatively immature voice). I don’t necessarily ask the best voice to demonstrate–it would harm young voices if they attempted to sound like someone who has a sound that is 5 years beyond them.
c) Perhaps instructors sense a lack of confidence and think that your D might prefer not to be in the spotlight having to demonstrate things for others on the spot.</p>
<p>There is probably relatively little that you could say to convince your D that she is doing fine. As others have mentioned, being there to listen and encourage during this difficult time is important. </p>
<p>Given that she is a senior, it would be valuable for her to get some unbiased independent advice/assessment from someone that has never heard her before. They might be a huge source of encouragement. It is difficult for us parents to be that huge source of encouragement because our children often do not believe it when we tell them how wonderful they are–they assume we just tell them that because of our genetic connection). </p>
<p>Or the independent vocal instructor might dish out a dose of reality if there are some problems with your daughter’s vocal development. You might want to make sure that whoever your daughter goes to for advice/assessment is not only someone that can give realistic honest feedback, but also can do that in a positive encouraging manner.</p>
<p>It can be hard to be a senior. In one’s initial years, one’s expectations are low, so one is often pleasantly surprised by getting into the premiere ensembles etc.; as a senior, one’s expectations are higher. </p>
<p>All the best to you and your daughter at this difficult time.</p>
<p>Wise words from Violindad, who lives at the other end of the podium and has a double perspective: “Some voices are better for demos for freshman whose voices are still relatively immature. When I have asked students to demonstrate for younger students, I have usually chosen students whose voices are ones that a younger student can reasonably emulate (i.e. I have asked a student who sings well but has a relatively immature voice). I don’t necessarily ask the best voice to demonstrate–it would harm young voices if they attempted to sound like someone who has a sound that is 5 years beyond them.”</p>
<p>Whereas your D felt passed over and (naturally) humiliated by her teacher’s, the motivation for the choice may have been unrelated to his or her perception of her talents or accomplishments.</p>
<p>I hope she feels better soon!</p>
<p>It is a rough arena, not for the faint of heart. If she does not have the complete drive and desire to live music through her voice, now is the time to make other plans. How have her juries gone? Voice grades? Has she auditioned for any roles? What kind of feedback? Is she making performance opportunities for herself, working with composers, etc.? Some conservatories are not as good in some areas as others…the teaching is not always what it needs to be. Where have recent graduates from her studio gone after graduating? </p>
<p>Whatever her reality is, she must find a way to figure it out, what it means, how she feels about it, what choices and priorities she has for her life. It is difficult, but she will get through it. All you can do is support her, let her know you are there for her, whatever she chooses to do next. Kids go to conservatories, thinking they are going to graduate as the next great singer, pianist, etc., and this is rarely anywhere near their reality. Big sigh…</p>
<p>I wish I could add something different than what has been said above, you’ve received some great advice. I would look to problems in her studio. Not all teachers work for every student so there could be some technical issues. And one really does need to have nerves of steel in this business. I agree that she will have to work it out for herself, as hard as that may be and as hard as it may be for you to watch that is the way it must be. She must learn to advocate for herself or her career will go nowhere, regardless of how good of a singer she is. The world of opera is a chew you up and spit you out type of business. I am concerned regarding this for my son. His educational “career” has gone easily for him and although he is not the retiring type I still worry if he has learned to be tough enough to endure the professional world. Time will tell for all of them.</p>
<p>Ohio Mom, thank you for posting this situation. First, I’m having sympathetic heartache for you as you strike that balance between being there with constructive advice/compassion and stepping back to allow your DD find her own way. Since my DD is a year behind yours, I can’t offer any real advice that would be better than our resident sages already have. All the best to you and your DD as she works through this.</p>
<p>It’s great that this forum offers a place for conversations regarding issues beyond school searches and admissions. Those are certainly vital topics, and I benefited from the insights posted. I’m grateful that there’s room for discussions that cover topics that crop up once our kids are on their educational journey. Thanks to all for both bringing up questions and for posting such thoughtful answers!</p>
<p>Ohio Mom-
I can’t speak with direct experience, since a)I know little about vocal education and its world and b)my own child is not at that point. That said, some of what you are talking about seems to be a constant presence from the time a student decides to plunge in. In your D’s case, I would agree with others, that she is in her senior year, and that is a time when students are hit with the reality of ‘where to go from here’. When graduation is a year or more off, it seems like it is way off, but when it hits, well…it is like kids looking at colleges, then actually going through the angst of where to apply, waiting for admissions, then deciding where to go (though obviously it is not the same thing, but analagous). And at that point, I suspect that magnified through this anxiousness or anxiety, students tend to look for signs, good or bad, where they stand, even if it may not mean anything about them per se. So hypothetically, your D could see others picked to mentor younger students as a sign she isn’t well thought of, when as others pointed out it could be that the others might be a better fit in terms of vocal type or whatever or have little to do with her ability. </p>
<p>And this seems to be something that comes with the territory, and it isn’t just college. Kids who were big fish in a small sea often experience that when they hit ‘the big times’, when they see the real level of playing out there, whether it is at competitions, programs, at college/conservatory, whatever. At the high school level kids see kids soloing with orchestras, doing competitions, playing some ridiculously high level piece, and assume it means they are ‘behind’ or otherwise deficient, or worse, listen to “From the Top” and assume that is reality or a real measure of anything and it is natural to measure oneself against others…the problem being that the kids winning competitions, for example, might end up doing nothing, because that is all they could do…</p>
<p>My experience is that at least in my experience, these things tend to be cyclical, that the student who goes through a down cycle often finds their up side soon enough, when they realize that A getting a role hey auditioned for might be more about circumstances then themselves. </p>
<p>From everything i can see, to even attempt to make it in music, students need to have nerves of steel and many other aphorisms comparing body/personality to certain strong substances. And I suspect what they faced in college and grad school is nothing compared to the wacky world of music:)</p>
<p>There’s so much pressure to achieve external success in music school. And I have a feeling that it corrodes self-esteem and confidence in the long run, especially when students feel behind compared to their peer group. So my thought would be to steer your daughter in the direction of a therapist (obviously no forcing is going to do any good, and if she’s not ready, it’s not going to make any difference.) It’s so helpful to talk to someone–it doesn’t have to be permanent–at times like this, even if it’s just to be heard or to leave the one-sided perspective of conservatories. (and I’m sure your daughter’s music school offers free counseling.) Working on yourself, while you’re also working to achieve excellence on your instrument, is the best thing you can do for your self-confidence.</p>
<p>^This is a really good point. Sometimes a bout of depression can color EVERYTHING negatively. A good talk with a professional therapist can help her organize her plan of attack and boost her confidence.</p>
<p>Thank you all. I am very appreciative of your thoughts and support. You have raised many good points that I hadnt considered and have given me a lot to think about and discuss with her.</p>