Self-sabotage

Parents Forum
21

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Do you recall how you outgrew this? Was it a particular experience? Some piece of advice? </p>

<p>Sorry, but I have no advice. I had not thought about this subject in many years. But when I read your post, I realized that as a child and teenager, I behaved in a similar way. Somehow, it disappeared in adulthood. Maybe I was simply too busy to think about such things anymore.

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<p>I have a very similar early adulthood path ... how did I outgrow it? By experiencing life ... and it was a slow progression as my self-confidence grew. My advice would be don't expect to be hit by a bolt of lightning and become a new person ... at this time you are who you are and apparently at this time you're risk adverse ... and that is not good or bad it just is. Work on moving slightly out of your comfort zone ... and the next thing you know you will have a new expanded comfort zone ... then expand it a touch again. </p>

<p>Looking back at my life I have few regrets but most of the regrets I do have are things I did not do ... things I was too timid to do when I was younger. That said I do not beat my self up because of those missed opportunities ... that was who I was at the time ... instead I'm pretty proud of my life's path and the child, parent, spouse, friend, coach, and individual that I have become ... it's been a 30 year journey of gradual growth ... and I hope I have 30+ more years of growth in front of me.</p>

<p>One of my kids is quite risk adverse and as a parent I'd like her to try more new things and take more risks ... but you know what I will trust her driving or watching little kids from the get go. One of my kids is quite willing to try new things and is always willing to push himself and test his abilities ... but you know what I'm terrified of his driving and am not as confident of him being in charge of situations. All personality traits have pros and cons to them.</p>

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<p>Thanks, everyone, for responding. </p>

<p>Ellemenope - Thanks for the concrete advice. I'm going to try thinking that way. Whatever choice is hard or different---I'd do that one!</p>

<p>UCGradMary - Thanks so much also. I think I would like to go to therapy, but the help at my school is pretty bad (which would probably be a surprise to people who don't go here).</p>

<p>bigp9998 - That's exactly the type of choice I'm talking about. Sometimes I can muster it, and sometimes I can't. :(</p>

<p>Mythmom - You have really gotten it. Wow. Yes, yes, and yes to all three, but especially number two. People here may not believe it, but my parents used to deliberately do number 2 (no pun intended) to me a lot. I sent you a PM about this.</p>

<p>ADad - Not a bad idea. I actually made a list of "people to ask for advice" and "people definitely NOT to ask for advice" for next time. :)</p>

<p>Cheers - I love that Teddy quote. And, wow. Frank Gehry! Yes, that does inspire me. :) The thing is, sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can't. I just want to improve my ability when it really, really counts. </p>

<p>3togo - Yeah, I have been pushing myself to always do new things when I can (although I didn't think of it as doing the "harder" thing a la ellemenope). But I just wish this would happen faster. :)</p>