This guy and I were talking for almost a year and recently agreed that we would start figuring out what we were. Just 3 weeks ago he tells me that he wants boundaries and says we’re just friends because he wants to focus on his music but we would still be there for each other. I find out last week that he has been talking to a freshman girl for a while. She’s not from here, she’s from Saipan (far from where he is) and he’s from Hawaiʻi. He does make an effort to see her and spend time with her more than he did with me. I’m not exactly jealous because he dropped me (ignores me) after the boundaries then got mad when I started being happy and talking to other guys. He even blocked me only on Snapchat (we still follow each other on Instagram) and said that my actions show that I don’t want to be anything to him but I was busy living my life. I’m just wondering why he’s trying with someone that’s moving when they’re done with college? Why is he trying to date her when he graduates in a year and will be focusing on growing up? It’s not wrong for me to focus on myself but should he have acted that way? What are the chances that you see them actually working out as a couple?
He is pursuing her because he’s into her. What does “working out mean?” Together for a semester, a year, or a lifetime? Anything can happen.
Um, I think you need to move on. He isn’t interested in you anymore. That he is now seeing someone else is no concern of yours.
His chances of forming a relationship of any length with her don’t matter. The way he treats you does. It sounds like he wants it both ways. He only wants to be friends with you, not your boyfriend. But he wants you to be faithful to him as if he were your boyfriend. People don’t get to decide who their friends talk to, and they certainly have no reason to get angry about it. If I were you I’d remind him that he’s dating her, you and he are “just friends,” and who you talk to is none of his concern.
^^^ This. He is playing mind games. Treat him like a friend and move on with your life. Ignore what he does with others and surely don’t make yourself miserable on his account. You don’t have time to waste figuring out what is going on in his head. Do you. Be fabulous! Are you are senior, too?
You don’t set boundaries with other people, you set them with yourself.
He has moved on, and that is okay.
What is not okay is him having any say in what you do.
So don’t let him know what you are doing. Don’t let him have any say into what you are doing.
For 6 months, remove him from IG/Snapchat/FB/texting etc.
Have this time for you to “get over each other”. Don’t say “we’ll be friends” at this point.
If after 6 months you still want to be friends, go for ti.
Move on. His actions speak louder than words but in his case his actions mirror his words. You said “he dropped me (ignores me)” and “says we’re just friends because he wants to focus on his music but we would still be there for each other.” He does not want to date you. His music is an excuse. The one he is seeing is not your problem. Go enjoy life and do not wait around for him you deserve better
I happened upon this because I dated a senior guy when I was a freshman girl. No, it did not work out because of the distance and we were both not THAT into each other to make it work at the time, But I do still consider him to be one of my favorite boyfriends, we kept in touch for quite a while, and we do wish we had met at different moments.
So, to answer your questions. I’ll sum it up. He’s just not that into you, but he wants to keep you single in case it doesn’t work out with this other girl and you can be a back up. My personal advice - he’s treating you poorly, you don’t deserve someone who treats you like this, move on, and eliminate him from your life. It doesn’t matter whether or not it will work out between him and this particular girl because there will ALWAYS be another girl.
When a guy says, “It’s not you, it’s me” what he really means is “It’s you.” When he says he wants to be friends, that means he wants to date someone else, but will have no objection to a booty call. If that’s OK with you, then that’s your decision. Otherwise, you need to move on. In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, you “are never ever, ever getting back together.”
Don’t let people treat you like that. You can do better. It hurts, but it’s best for you if you just move on.