<p>I am a senior in college and this is my 3rd day back. You would think that by my senior year I would have a ton of friends and be having the time of my life. Instead, I feel almost like a freshman again. My problem is, I am really awful at making friends. I am socially awkward, have social anxiety and just feel really uncomfortable around new people. Its frustrating for me because I know that I am a really good and loyal friend. I am fun to be around once people get to know me. But, it takes me a while to get to the point when I can open up and be myself around people. Who has the patience to go through a ton of awkward moments in order to access all the good parts in me?</p>
<p>I had a pretty good year last year. I had one really good friend who I lived with. I can't say that I was completely satisfied with my social life but, having 1 friend was enough to keep me happy and prevent me from constantly worrying about not having friends. We pretty much did everything together and we got very close. We had classes together, studied together, ate together, went to the gym together, and hung out all the time. Unfortunately she is a year older than me so she graduated. I just feel lost without her now. I became very dependent on her and I miss her so much. Its just crazy how 1 person can have such a huge impact on my perspective, comfort level and happiness. </p>
<p>Its not like I am completely alone this year. I am friends with my roommate (we have been friends for 2 years) but we aren't really 100% compatible. She is kind of immature and gets on my nerves sometimes. Knowing that she is my closest friend at school right now makes me feel extremely sad. We don't connect the way I did with my friend from last year. My other housemate seems really nice and seems interested in being friends with me but she already has a ton of other friends. (I don't really understand how because she just transferred so this is her 2nd semester here. I don't get how people can make friends so easily). I don't really know how close we are going to get since she already has a group of friends. I have a few other close acquaintances that I can try to get closer to but I am not sure how that will turn out.</p>
<p>It just really sucks being back here. I feel really depressed and anxious all the time. I want to enjoy my last year, not count down the days until I get to leave like I did Freshmen and Sophomore year. I am just sick of being miserable all the time while everyone else is having fun and enjoying their youth. Everyone who I live with goes out every night with their friends and I am stuck home alone with nothing to do but study. I don't even know how to go about trying to make new friends my senior year. I feel like everyone my age has friends already and doesn't need any more. Should I even try to make new friends or should I just deal with only having a few and stick it out for 1 year? I feel like if I try to make new friends I will just set myself up for disappointment and anxiety.</p>
<p>To top it all off, I am extremely embarrassed by my lack of friends. I feel like everyone who I live with knows that I basically have no friends since I am always here at night and never have friends over.</p>
<p>I’m dealing with the same thing minus the social anxiety. I have a lot of acquaintances, but no true lifelong friends at school. On the positive note, we’re both seniors, so we only have one year left to suffer.</p>
<p>You can’t predict long term friendships.
You may think you are a true and loyal friend but others may see you to be smothering and clingy.
Volunteer, go meet people who want to help and do for others.
Go to group exercise classes like spin, yoga, zumba-get out of your room.</p>
<p>Self pity is not pretty.</p>
<p>College is a transient time, people come and go.</p>
<p>I’m an upperclassman too, and I’ve had similar problems. It’s kind of weird making friends with the freshmen when they know I probably should have a harem of friends by now. Maybe you can make a friend this year like that one you had last year. Cross your fingers!</p>
<p>what about medication for your anxiety (and consequent depression). have you thought about that? of seeing a therapist which could then point you to a psychiatrist, which could then prescribe you magic pills (all of which could maybe all be done through your school health services). im too scared and closed off to try that but anxiolytics and antidepressants CAN make it easier to make friends or to extend and make closer the friendships you already have… by making it easier to initiate things. because the surest way to improve your social life is to initiate more than you’re currently comfortable with, right? to actively involve yourself with the friends you already have or - more boldly - to talk to people you know even less well. i feel like it’s unlikely that another friendship like the one you had with the girl a year ahead of you is going to come along without some kind of significant change of circumstances.</p>
<p>Some people make friends very easily because they’ve learned to be comfortable with themselves first and know how to put others at ease, putting their friends needs first. You’re not at that comfort level yet.</p>
<p>You can get to that point by doing for others while you become comfortable in your skin.</p>
<p>I’m not trying to bring you down, so take this in a constructive manner: You are immature in your development and seem more interested in having friends than being in school and graduating! </p>
<p>You say your roomies go out and they know that you stay home; WHO CARES if they think you’re a homebody! Quit trying to put thoughts in your head about what others think. You’re trying to read their minds in a negative manner. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks! Your babysitter has graduated, it’s now time for you to MOVE ON!</p>
<p>Be yourself and go to school. If you happen to make a friend, GREAT! If not, it’s NO BIG DEAL, go do for others: Volunteer at your school clinic, homeless shelter, food bank, whatever. OR, work a part-time pizza job to get comfortable talking to people. The point is, quit shutting yourself in and limiting your friendships only to those who room with you in order to gain sympathy and pity. Get out and do things for others. It takes work to make friends, but it takes more work to be a true friend.</p>
<p>When your busy, you’ll make friends; when you’re feeling sorry for yourself, that will show your personality to others and they’ll stay away from you. You seem to be working really hard at not making friends.</p>
<p>You need to get over the idea that anyone who is friends with you cannot have any other friends. If you think about it, doesn’t that seem creepy to you? You can be friends with your room mates even if they have hundreds of other friends. Lighten up a little and concentrate on living your life (studying and graduating) while being pleasant to everyone. Some friendships will naturally form. Not every friendship has to be an exclusive and very intense relationship. Most people don’t want that.</p>
<p>^^this struck me too. Thinking that people don’t have room for you because they already have friends is really twisted. That’s just not how people operate or think. People get to know others through mutual friends, and those that have a lot in common or who find each other interesting will form closer friendships over time. Some people have large acquaintance circles while others don’t. But everyone has friends with different degrees of closeness.</p>
<p>I think it would benefit you to get evaluated for social anxiety disorder, because of this thinking pattern and your behavior show that this is negatively affecting your life. A low dose of antidepressant might be very effective to treat this, and cognitive therapy is also shown to be beneficial. This might be a great year to deal with this before you graduate and go to work and interviews and don’t have as easy access to a social scene as at college. You will have this year to practice better social techniques that you can learn in cognitive therapy.</p>
<p>I know that people always appreciate having more friends. But, when someone already have a group of friends they don’t feel the pressure to make more. They are satisfied with what they already have. For example, my housemate who has a group of friends always gets together with them at night. Why would she reach out to me if she already has people to hang out with who she knows well, likes, and is comfortable with? I am not going to invite myself to go with her. I have tried to reach out to her. There have been free events on campus every night and my roommate and I discussed going to some of these events together with her. She seems interested but then is nowhere to be found when we are getting ready to leave. Last night she was actually home and we invited her and her friend to come with us to a food tasting thing but she said she wasn’t hungry. So, I don’t know what else I should be doing to form a friendship with her.</p>
<p>I read your post in its entirety. I am in your exact same position. I am also senior (but a guy). I wrote this earlier this year, and I share a lot of the feelings you’ve expressed in your post.</p>
<p>The biggest problem is that you need friends to make friends (i.e. your friends introduce you to their friends, get invited to various parties and events). It’s sad, but incoming freshmen already have more friends than I do. They’re walking around with all of their friends, hanging out until late outside, and grabbing dinner together. I guess this is partly because of their living situation and how they are able to interact this way. I just wish I could become a freshman again because I know I am a totally different person than I was as a freshman. That’s the part that’s killing me inside.</p>
<p>You are totally right about the going through the awkward stages of a relationship (causal I mean, not even “dating”). I met four wonderful people at work over the summer, and we had a blast. Only situations where you are forced to be around a person for a daily basis for an extended period of time… is when you really get to know that person (situations like work, high school, sports, or projects). Same scenario with projects, I end up always having a great time with my project members. </p>
<p>Most importantly, how am I going to meet girls? Why the hell would they want to hang out with me solo when they could be going out to bars, parties, and REAL social events with their girlfriends…</p>
<p>I wasn’t satisfied with my social life by senior year, either. I had lots of acquaintances, but no close friends; I had also studied abroad the spring semester of my junior year, so I came back and I felt a bit alone.</p>
<p>Supervising undergraduates for the last 2 years, I know a lot of people who made some close friends in their senior year. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it - even if it feels awkward, reach out to people to say hello, to ask about their days. Talk to some of the senior majors in your classes - you share something in common (an interest in your field) and may have things to talk about. Join or re-join some clubs, especially clubs that work towards a goal like a competition or homecoming prep or something.</p>
<p>I also think that the media makes us feel college is supposed to be a certain way - that your group of lifelong friends will only be acquired through college, and that if you don’t make some then you’re doomed. It’s not true. Most of my close friends are from my grad school days, and of most of the people I know in their late 20s and early 30s, they met most of their close friends through various periods in their lifetime.</p>