<p>Sorry if a few points were confusing. The term the school used with us yesterday was “indefinitely suspended.” That is where the “door is open” feeling came from. Later in the conversation they mentioned that they would allow him to “voluntarily withdraw” and that his record would not reflect the incident. As for the scholarship, it was a merit scholarship, based on grades, scores, etc., not financial aid. We would not qualify for fin. aid.</p>
<p>Indefinitely suspended is much different than expelled. I would see what kind of retribution might be deemed worthy of re-enrollment or at the very least, ask for a better explanation of what that means.</p>
<p>Again, I wouldn’t make excuses but would offer your support of the school’s decisions but, if the kid has never been in trouble before, I would also ask that they please recognize that this is a kid with good grades and no history of poor decision-making. </p>
<p>The fact that they didn’t just expel seems to allow some room.</p>
<p>Check out this thread by a dad with a daughter in a similar situation.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/510721-voluntary-withdrawal-hs-under-duress.html?highlight=expelled[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/510721-voluntary-withdrawal-hs-under-duress.html?highlight=expelled</a></p>
<p>I know your main concern right now is your S’s college prospects, but please also address the alcohol issue. Kids are rarely caught the first time. Drinking on a hs campus is a serious issue and you want to make sure he does not have a bigger problem before sending him off to college. </p>
<p>Take a few days to calm down and speak with the high school in order to assess and explore all his options before making any decisions. This will work out. Good luck.</p>
<p>Offer to send your child to alcohol counseling over vacation, and to be tested once in a while at random if they’re allowed back at school…</p>
<p>It was the first offense. He came clean voluntarily with the administration, admitted everything he had done, and no, it was not the first time drinking, and yes, we were aware he drinks because we have had many conversations with him on this topic. It is not something we ignore. He did not start drinking until this year.</p>
<p>hiking: Our son’s girlfriend got pregnant the summer before his sophomore year in college. We learned about it one month before he was to leave for a semester in Spain. I can remember the absolute agony of the first few days after learning the news. I felt the crush of all of our dreams for him falling down on top of us. And I could not imagine how our family would get through the situation or how our friends and family would respond.</p>
<p>So, I can completely relate to the overwhelming feeling you have right now. That feeling that this cannot be happening to your child and you. I felt like I was in a play and had no clue what my lines were supposed to be.</p>
<p>My advice isn’t about how to work with the school, but about how to approach your son. Measure your words carefully. Let him know that you love him unconditionally. Assure him that you will work through this as a family. You cannot change what he has done. You can, however, move into the future with a stronger relationship with your son.</p>
<p>FWIW: our son and his girl friend were married in September 2009, had a beautiful baby boy in late February of this year. He is working full-time; she is going to college part-time. Their life has become a series of detours, but they know that we are here to advise and encourage.</p>
<p>Hang in there. Life will get better.</p>
<p>olderwisermom, your post made me cry (again). I also let our son read it. Thank you for the encouraging words.</p>
<p>Get a lawyer ASAP and make sure this is expunged from the record!
Everyone slips up once and sounds like this is what your child did -unless you have uncovered more evidence of underlying drinking problem.</p>
<p>Seriously, with that much at stake, plea bargain your way out “first offence” agree to alcohol education program and community service.</p>
<p>This cannot be on the mid-semester record without serious implications.</p>
<p>A good attorney that is well connected can make anything go away.
Not that I don’t think young people should be accountable for their errors-- but in this case, the results and unraveling are grossly disproportional to the student’s otherwise clean record and status as a strong student.</p>
<p>Legal assistance is warranted.</p>
<p>Interesting that you mention the other kid drinking with your son was expelled. I wonder what the cause was for different punishments in a no tolerance situation. Gives you thought that there IS wiggle room. Also makes me think other kids parents need an attorney…</p>
<p>again good luck.</p>
<p>Good idea for parents to check into the policys at colleges now for various infractions as some schools have very strict policies.They can ruin your college career with little hard evidence of any infraction especially panels with students on them. Some of the threads on here gave me nightmares!</p>
<p>the other kid (who was expelled was his SECOND offense). That is why. Hope this helps.</p>
<p>mom2012- That is absurd advice. A private school with a policy can certainly do whatever they choose with their policies and this student’s record. An attorney would be useless since the student has admitted guilt and there are no legal issues at all. You are NOT going to “make it go away”. </p>
<p>I am in touch with the OP. Thanks, all, for keeping me in mind as one to help parents whose kids mess up. (I’m serious about this.)</p>
<p>It’s hard to say right now what will happen and what the options are for finishing the year. The BayAreaDad thread was a good suggestion.</p>
<p>I figured it was the other kids second offense. Since it was his second offense it seems like he was able to stay after his first offense. It sounds like they may want to scare the crap out of your son so this does not happen for a second time. Does your son know the details on the other kid who already had one offense? If he was given a second chance than I would imagine your son will as well. Good luck</p>
<p>My experience is that a lot of it depends on the extent of the violation. In this case the kids left campus, got alcohol, came back with it (on premises) and consumed. All these things matter…</p>
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<p>I agree completely. But its more than the kid admitting guilt. Parents agreed to the rules even if agreement came in the way of paying the tuition or agreeing to accept financial aid. Seems to me that any sense of entitlement in this world would come directly from the behavior that says, “there may be rules, but they don’t apply to me or my offspring.”</p>
<p>I agree that a no tolerance policy is pretty harsh. But at our school it comes in the form of racial or ethnic harassment. So, if my kid called another kid a slur based on their race, religion or ethnicity, our kid would be out. They both know the rules. Clearly.</p>
<p>So it was the other kids second offense. That means he must have survived the first offense and stayed in the school. Ask the school why he was able to stay after the first offense and if your son can do the same. Perhaps a notation of the incident on his transcript, coming clean to the colleges, but being allowed to graduate is worth it. </p>
<p>Also, ask the school what are some examples of what other people who “voluntarily” withdrew have done. </p>
<p>Frankly, I don’t think a lot of top colleges will rescind their admissions for a senior who got caught drinking at boarding school. Some of them are pretty lax.</p>
<p>My son’s school allows kids to withdraw voluntarily under certain circumstances; it lets them avoid the disciplinary hearing and the likely expulsion since he, too, is at a zero tolerance school. Last year several kids were expelled and/or voluntarily withdrew for a major incident involving alcohol - ALL those who were seniors (it was in late winter) ended up at college this year. Keep up the hope and keep supporting your son.</p>
<p>Some friends of my kids’ had a similar issue a few years ago – ten seniors got caught with one joint among them on a school trip during Spring Break. The school didn’t suspend them all for the semester (as its rules pretty clearly required), but it did inform all of the colleges to which they had applied. That was the very week that most colleges sent their acceptances!</p>
<p>One LAC – with a very druggie reputation, by the way, and justifiably so – withdrew acceptances for three kids. A fourth had been accepted there ED, and obviously hadn’t applied anywhere else. For him the college required that he undergo drug counseling and deferred his admission until spring semester. Other colleges didn’t care at all.</p>
<p>In your case, obviously it makes a huge difference that no colleges have accepted your son yet. On the other hand, many colleges don’t actually require high school graduation in order to matriculate, so if he is accepted at a college he likes he may not care about going back to the boarding school.</p>
<p>I don’t see how “withdrew voluntarily” helps anyone. The school still has an obligation to inform colleges of its disciplinary proceedings. Look at the language on the common app secondary school report, and think about what you, if you were a college admissions director, would think of a school that didn’t tell you about this. I think you are going to have to deal with it openly and forthrightly. I have a great deal of hope that if you do that your son will find a place in college.</p>
<p>I would kiss the scholarships goodbye, though. Unlikely to happen.</p>
<p>The other way to proceed, of course, is to see what the school would require to end the suspension, and how that will affect the college process. Maybe he wants to terminate his applications now, and apply next year. As others have said, the school, having made its big, macho zero-tolerance point, ought to be reasonably sympathetic and helpful about this.</p>
<p>The BS my son attended has a zero tolerance policy for alcohol and drugs. All the kids know it going in and every year someone slips and is expelled. It’s awful when it happens. They are only teens and they don’t always think things through. Last winter 2 seniors were expelled along with some underclassmen. The one senior already had an early acceptance which was not revoked. The other senior was informed by his first choice school(deferred duing ED)that he would not be accepted. I do not know for sure if this was because of the expulsion, however he is in a good college and his future was not destroyed. It is awful and I feel for the OP, but it is a small blip in life and it will be okay. Unfortunately the scholarships may be difficult to come by. At S’s school it was pretty useless to appeal the expulsions.</p>
<p>I, too, am confused. If the school has a “zero tolerance” policy, how is a student able to have a “second offense”? They obviously let the other kid back to school and back on campus. They may be willing to do the same for your son.</p>
<p>If you can, you might want to speak to the parents of the other kid & find out how they were able to get him back on campus.</p>
<p>The factors involved more than just “drinking”, it was the fact that he obtained the alcohol and gave it to others, as well. In any event, we have our answer, and he is being voluntarily withdrawn. It is over. We have to move on. We are meeting with a family counselor this afternoon. Thanks to all for your advice.</p>