<p>Hi, just a warning, but this is a rant. I would appreciate your help and advice.</p>
<p>So I officially finished my junior year and in a few months I will begin my senior year. In the past three years, I haven't made any close friends. I feel so lonely, especially when I'm not occupied with studies. I'm a female engineer major so majority of the people I meet are male. I guess, I have a hard time connecting to them emotionally. I haven't befriended a single female student yet, because there's so few in my classes. It makes me so sad. I'm terrible at small talk because I'm extremely shy. If I even get passed the small talk phase, it usually ends up being this "friendship" where they just contact you if they need homework help. I don't know what to do. Once the class ends they never speak to me again ):</p>
<p>I have joined clubs and attended meetings, but none of them really appealed to me. I also tried rushing for a fraternity but it involved coming up to active members, introducing yourself, and convincing them to vote for you? I was so shy & intimidated that I didn't even last 5 minutes....(yes, I left early). I'm also not a sports person nor a partier.</p>
<p>Any advice? or tips to help me overcome my shyness? I would really appreciate it (:</p>
<p>What school do you attend? Do you live on campus? Are you far from home?</p>
<p>I have a very shy DD that will be starting school this fall. I know this worries her.</p>
<p>Sorry, I would prefer to keep my school private, but it is a small campus. I do not live on campus and never did. I always lived in a house among other students because it’s more affordable. Yes, I am far from home so I only go home on long breaks. </p>
<p>Well, you’ve got to make sure you know yourself well, first. If you’re introverted, then you might have to find formalized structures that help build relationships that can turn into friendships. As a baseline, you’re looking for some female friends. Probably peers (college students/college educated, nearby, etc.). You also might need to brainstorm those little ways people “court” each other into friendships: asking for a small favor, inviting the group to coffee/brunch after a support group meeting, working as a volunteer member of a group that requires GROUP work (not individual, like tutoring a kid, but where a group of peers solves a problem together, like creating a PR campaign to publicize a scholarship — things like that). Such things force interactions that can then expand into more “friendship” type of activities – like going to a show, on a bike ride - maybe even a group night-ride!, etc.) Can you start working on graduation planning groups? Can you offer assistance to a local women-in-STEM professional association, or set up an informational interview (young professionals/recent grads might make good friends)? Toastmasters? Support groups (fitness? etc.)? Activity group (kite-flying)? Additional-language conversation groups (practice Spanish)? Such more structured encounters tend to be great for introverts because they provide the little grain of sand around which the pearl of friendship can grow. Just spit-balling here. Best wishes for you!</p>
<p>You sound like an interesting and good person…it must be that shyness that’s the issue! Nothing wrong with “shy” but sounds like others are misinterpreting it. One idea are church groups. I’m not a church person but I know that they often offer a very supportive group on campus. And I like the volunteer idea…but one where you work in groups. Also, does your college offer therapy? It wouldn’t be therapy for any problems but so you could brainstorm with that person on ideas. </p>
<p>And, finally, the biggest thing i’ve noticed in life is that there are lonely people everywhere…and everyone assumes they’re the only one…I wish there was a way for you to spot these girls so you could approach them. </p>
<p>Good suggestions ^^^^
I found that young adult Sunday school helped me a lot when I started grad school. Although the church was near campus, I met new people that were not students. That was interesting. </p>
<p>As an undergrad, theatre guild forced interaction with people I would not encounter in my classes. I was not a performer but actually started as an assistant director on a small production. I didn’t have to apply for the position, they were just glad to have the help.</p>
<p>Is there a “women in science/engineering” type group on campus? Do you have any female mentors (professors maybe) you can ask for advice? What about becoming friends with males?</p>
<p>Thank you guys so much for all the responses! It really gives me hope that I can still make friends. I’ll try joining more structured organizations. Also, I wouldn’t mind making male friends. I just prefer a female because I can talk to them about girly things haha. I might start seeing a therapist to see if they have any advice to help me overcome shyness (:</p>
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<p>This can happen. People are busy. You’re not gonna be able to juggle 3 dozen friendships beyond this level, it’s just not possible. At best I had maybe a dozen people from college I’ve even talked to once since I graduated (6 months ago). This is not abnormal. </p>
<p>I’m just getting the feeling that your standard for “what’s friends” is too high. </p>
<p>Young adult Sunday school and church groups. Hmmm. Curious suggestions when the OP said nothing about an interest in religious activities.</p>
<p>How about joining the Agnosticism study group on Tuesday nights? There must be an Ultimate Darwin Club on campus, no? What about that Pizza With Bertrand Russell colloquium next Friday? Check those out. </p>
<p>Seriously @happyENVE, @dyiu13 had some very good pointers. </p>
<p>@dunboyne I Did not mean to suggest religious activities. Meant to suggest that off campus groups with similar age groups may offer a different set of people to meet. As suggested above, college calendars can preclude close relationships. Maybe meeting people not on a school calendar may open more opportunity for interaction. </p>