You’re going into a superb academic program next year.
Which of the courses you’re taking this year will help you prepare for it? Perhaps, if you can think of certain courses as Hopkins prep, you’ll be motivated to do your best in them. B’s in the others are not a disaster.
And as other have said, you can drop any ECs that no longer interest you. Often, students stay in ECs even after their interest in the topic has faded. Now would be a good time to resign from any clubs that are not important to you any more.
If you think it will help you work through your emotions, find someone you can trust to talk with now about your breakup with your boyfriend. Releasing all your pent up emotions could be a helpful thing. A friend of mine cried every day in the shower, where no one could see her. It was her safe place to grieve.
Your last semester in HS will be long and hard if you don’t come up with some way to work through all you are dealing with. I understand that your parents are not going to be helpful in this matter. Take a few minutes to think through what brings you joy in your life right now. A long, relaxing soak in your bathtub? Running or walking outside? Talking with a friend?
I agree that finding something in your schedule to ditch might ease your stress. Pick a club that is not a source of joy, fun, inspiration to you. Is there a club you know could live without you? Maybe a trusted friend can pick up extra duties in your absence?
If what you are doing is not working, just telling yourself to “suck it up and keep going” is not going to help. You need to find some way to feel hopeful, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Is is possible to drop one of your AP classes without your parents knowing? Don’t have answers for you, but wanted to try to encourage you.
You are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, but your parents I’m sure don’t see how overloaded you are. Smile and nod in front of them, maybe other kids in your situation might chime in with ways to distract your parents and keep them from pressuring you even more.
Deep breath. Repeat “this too shall pass”. Everything will be fine. Just wrap your head around one more final short jump through the hoop into college. So, yeah, back to work for next semester. Don’t look back.
Drop the stuff you don’t really like and take a breather. Focus on what you do really like. Hang out with friends more. Maybe try something completely different, like get a little job. Don’t pick a job that will stress you out, I mean something fun and out of character for you, like work in a cupcake shop.
I have two kids. Older kid is super responsible, a high achiever, but always true to himself. He was very busy senior year, probably hurt his college apps, but he was doing what he loved to do. I admired how he was living in the moment, not just longing for the day he went away to college. He spent time with friends, made lots of music, and enjoyed his senior year. Younger son sounds more like you. He sounds burned out. We have offered him a gap year. He hasn’t jumped on the idea, but he is telling me that he is counting the days until his grades don’t matter so much. He feels like he has too many balls in the air right now.
I worry about the internal/external motivation issue. Older son’s was all from within. Younger, I think not entirely. He has to figure out what moves him. For the second semester, I have told him he should worry less about grades and more about just learning. He may end up with a few Bs, but also a few A+s. And I have suggested he get a little job. Lots of second semester seniors do that here, working in clothing stores (and getting discounts and so getting great clothes) or food places (famously a girl ended up managing a cupcake shop and so had the ability to bring home unsold sweets at the end of the day!)
You’ll be fine, even with Bs. The school is not going to rescind your acceptance and your parents will be fine. The time after acceptance is usually a stressful time for parents and kids as the reality of going away to college sets in. I know after my D got into Yale SCEA, the last semester was crazy. She still did very well, but her mind was more on the future and less on high school. That can be scary. It will work out and I am sure your dad will relent and pay.
I think this will blow over soon enough, i just needed to get all of my feelings out of my head. My grades came in today, and I am making 6 Bs (yikes!) I had a heart to heart with my mom last night, and while she is not thrilled with my performance she can clearly tell I’m a bit depressed.
The external/internal motivation issue has been troubling me for a while now actually. It seems that I am unable to finish work unless my grades depend on it, unless its for a class that I really enjoy. I am hoping to resolve this issue in college with a more proactive work ethic and open mind. My school has a very rigid curriculum so I am forced to take rigorous classes that I do not like (like history and english) and I have to write huge papers in most of them. I enjoy learning about math and science and I enjoy doing problem sets for those classes, so I’m hoping that this interest will carry on to my engineering courses in college as well.
Thank you everyone for reading about my problems and offering advice! Writing this has been quite cathartic. Now I’m off to study so that I don’t screw up second semester too…
hopefully your dream school won’t be troubled by your drop in grades. You know, they accepted you based on your stellar academic performance, not a lackluster one.
Your semester grades really aren’t the ones that will matter. Your ED school will,want your final,grades at the end of the year. Just don’t let them get lower than where they are now.
My daughter was a lot like you except she always said she was in a committed relationship with her gpa. Senior year will bring a lot of expectations and many of those are self-imposed. I’m glad communication is better with your parents. If your grades come back up, you can easily explain to admissions. Spend some time enjoying your senior year, prioritize and glean the things you don’t need. Learn to say no for your own peace, to friends, to teachers and to others who always want your time because you sound like a dedicated, hard-working person.
Your dad certainly can refuse to pay. He is not obligated to pay for the ED school. He could demand that you contact them and say that you no longer have the funding to pay. JHU can’t force your dad to pay.
I couldn’t get past the part about how if you were still waiting on college decisions you would have no trouble pulling multiple all nighters to maintain your grades. I would never allow my child to do this. A B is not the end of the world and not worth ruining your health over. There is something seriously wrong with your parents if they are expecting and pressuring you to do this kind of thing, and it seem to me far more about their ego than your best interests.
You should tell your Asian parents that you have worked very hard for 5 years and that you are planning on striving for Bs for your second semester so that you are refreshed to enter Hopkins full of energy to continue to get good grades there.
I also think another problem of mine is that I rely on my parents too much and I feel the need to tell them everything in my life. (My parents have access to all of my social media accounts and they track my phone when I leave the house)
I think a little bit of distance between my parents and I will be a good thing.
I think the reason why I have not found my external motivation was because I was never allowed to, my parents have always told me what to do and they have always made my decisions for me. I think every parent’s biggest fear is watching their kids fall down, and that is exactly what happened to me this semester. However, I fell down all by myself. The mistakes that I made were my own, and even though my mom was constantly telling me what to do, I did not listen to her. Heck, I’m 18 years old; my parents should only guide me–I am going to do whatever I like regardless of what they say. (Obviously this isn’t grounds for me to go crazy and be irresponsible) And they raised me right, so I will make good choices in the future.
In the end, I learned so much from this debacle. My biggest fear going into college is caring too much about what others expect of me. As an overachiever, I have a reputation for excellence. People see me and immediately expect me to be that person that makes the highest grade on the math test, that person that always wins in competitions. But I am quickly getting tired from all of this stress. I do not know what I want to do, but I sure as hell know how to do what everyone else expects me to do. This is a big problem, in my opinion, for a lot of CCers who have been overachievers their whole life.
I had a pretty long heart to heart with my chemistry teacher yesterday. He told me that he knew I would grow up and be a hotshot doctor or engineer or whatever but he told me to first figure out what I wanted out of life before I made decisions based on cultural expectations and societal norms. I don’t know what I want to do yet, and that’s scary because my parents have always been the ones telling me what to do. I need some time away from my culture, and some time to develop my own opinions and aspirations–so I think college will be good for me.
As for my grades, gosh I am so guilt ridden over them. I know I can do so much better and its really just pathetic that I fell apart so quickly. Next semester will be great, I’m gonna end my senior year with flying colors.
And as a far as parenting goes, kids don’t come with instruction manuals. There’s no right parenting style. I am thankful for my tiger parents because they have shown me the pros and cons of this approach and I have a completely new perspective on life and human nature and how our behavior is shaped by internal/external factors.
I don’t know how you guys do it, it’s a tough job. Mucho respect for all of the hardworking moms and dads on this thread. I appreciate all of the support.
I think you just need to be HONEST with your parents. I value honesty above all other things in my kids. Tell them about the boyfriend and that you let that emotional involvement sidetrack you, and how you plan to address the situation now. The more adult you act, the more adult they will be in the response.
AP Classes are a year long and are the equivelent to a semester college course. Use this time to figure out how you study/learn best. My DD is not having AP Bio come easily to her, but she is learning that talking to the teacher is useful, what handouts she should concentrate on, how there are useful videos on the web, whether study groups work for her, how she has to read teh chapter BEFORE the class, etc. Right now you have the freedom to try things to make sure you are ready for the next level. Also decide what clubs you really need to do. Aer you doing them just because you had before? or can you take this time to enhance the club and prepare the next group to take over?
I think you are tired. You’ve worked bloody hard and probably without much rest. Talk with your parents–let them know you need to have a break, and reassure them (yet again) that you are serious about college. Nobody can work work work with few breaks.
Sweetie- this is a mom giving you a big hug. Congratulation for you amazing achievements so far. You have worked tremendously hard and have obtained the reward of an amazing acceptance. That is fantastic. I understand how you feel. You are absolutely exhausted and have given all of your energy to this goal. Here’s the thing. You need to take a deep breath and congratulate yourself. It’s okay to slow down just a little, so that you don’t drive yourself into the ground, but it is very important that you not allow yourself to completely unwind. Schools can and will retract offers for kids who take a dramatic turn their senior year. Having said that, you’ve had a deep breath and that isn’t working for you. Tell your parents you will move forward doing your best, but your best must include a healthy balance of studies WITH rest and relaxation. Your academics can not be sustained without your mental health. This too shall pass and someday you will look back on it and it will not seem so overwhelming as it seems today. I had a very difficult time my senior year of high school for very different reasons. I remember my mantra that someday I would look back on it and see that I was a stronger person because of it. I am and you will be too. Hang in there.
You seem to understand the issue of external versus internal motivators very well. Add to that the fact that you have had very little autonomy and have been controlled in many ways by well-intentioned parents. I understand also that there are cultural elements for you that sometimes don’t fit the dominant culture.
You may recoup your energy after spending a semester experiencing a little less stress, and working a little differently. You understand that this change in habit has to do with getting in, and the fact that for many years your efforts were somewhat geared to getting in.
Some students just move on to the next external motivator, which might be grad or med school or even just trying to win prizes. Some go through a period of uncertainty but cross the bridge to more authentic motivationt. It is a normal stage of development and can be bumpy. And some don’t manage to move on after high school’s very structured, clear, parent and teacher-supervised motivators (grades, admissions). For them, it is not often a choice, but the result of depression or anxiety in the new environment. Mosst get through that too.
If you feel you are burned out, talk to your parents about a gap year or semester. Show them the Harvard admissions site essay on this. If you feel refreshed after taking a little break, by all means throw yourself into your studies and finish with your head held high. If your continue on to college and sometimes feel confused or tired, seek counseling: more than half of college students do. I am sure you will be fine. This has been a great learning experience, it seems.