<p>Last year, my friend was rejected from her first choice school. And her second and third choice. She applied to my school (I don't even know if you can call it her fourth choice) and obviously enrolled. Now all I hear about it how this school sucks and how she wants to transfer out to her second choice school. The same one that rejected her just a few months ago. She goes around telling people like she has a snowballs chance in heck of getting in. One of the main reasons she was rejected from these schools was her math skills. In her current math, she's passing with a D, maybe a low C. She's in College Algebra, but she was in remedial math for a while and had to take a test twice to get out of it. She likes to blame her rejection on the admissions office. "They aren't taking many white girls because of minority issues" or "They won so many football games and now everyone wants to go there."
I don't know what to tell her. I really don't think she has a chance of getting in, and she thinks I don't support her if I don't tell her "Yeah, this school sucks! You are so much better than this idiots. Those admissions people don't know what they are doing." Any advice?</p>
<p>Many people make excuses to cover their own flaws - and this gal certainly is doing that to herself. She is unhappy where she is and sounds as tho she wants out - but has no real clue how to do that - but it IS up to her and no one else. To avoid a conflict with her - you can be supportive in the direction of - will have to just wait and see what happens - but you don't have to put up with her negativity towards where she is now - and where you sound as tho you are happy and settling in quite well. You don't have to make the comments you quoted - and are going to have to just somewhat stay neutral in that respect.</p>
<p>If she is not happy - doesn't like where she is - she has the choice to leave as well - on her own terms. Stay strong - enjoy your school and don't let this person get you down. If she gets upset at you for not supporting her negativity - I would schrug my shoulders and walk away - especially if you do not share her view in all of this. It sounds like a lack of maturity on her part and low self esteem are at hand here - and she wants to strike out at someone - most likely you - cuz you are right there. It is ok to let her know that you do not share her views - be honest about how you feel - it is perfectly ok!!</p>
<p>I would be more direct with your friend. I recommend that you make a specific point to tell her that you don't appreciate her bashing your school....that you can support her desire & effort to transfer but her bashing is showing no support to you...who will remain when she is gone. As to her chances of getting in.............not your problem.......pray that she goes. It must very hard for you to make new friends w/ a whiner attached to your heals. I feel sad for you that this is in your lap. There isn't much you can do to make her see how shallow a person she is.....or appears to be. If you order chocolate and she orders vanilla does she make rude comments the entire time you are eating your ice cream? I am wondering about that.</p>
<p>eh, just sounds like a cry baby to me. Between applying and being accepted, looks like she forgot that whole middle ground of "i'm an idiot!" </p>
<p>word87 - be proud of your school!!! You have every right to be. Study hard, do well, and have fun! Encourage your friend in the transfer process. Though if her first pick schools were competitive at all, a D on her transcript will mean sudden doom (but dont tell her that, just agree that it's a "minority issue"). Just dont let her get you down, college should be a blast!</p>
<p>Though if her first pick schools were competitive at all, a D on her transcript will mean sudden doom (but dont tell her that, just agree that it's a "minority issue")."</p>
<p>Please do NOT follow the above advice. The above advice is why a lot of nonURMs start hating URMs even though the nonURMS failed to get opportunities because of bad luck or their own deficiencies.</p>
<p>It's flat out wrong to encourage your friend to scapegoat others because of her own bad grades.</p>
<p>Frankly, given her blaming others for her problems, being racist, whining about the school that you -- her friend goes to-- I am wondering why you are bothering being friends with her. She sounds like a person to avoid. I also agree with the poster who suggested that by hanging around with her, you are driving away other people who might become your good friends.</p>
<p>infuse what i say with sarcasm ... as it was meant in the first place. </p>
<p>Or be an honest person: "you just didn't have the grades they were looking for" if you want to be nice, or "you're just not smart enough" if you're fed up with her whining.</p>
<p>In college you make new friends, and sadly (sometimes at least) lose old friends. In your case it may be beneficial to lose this old friend in order to make new friends (as others had suggested).</p>
<p>If it were me I would tell her directly to stop talking like that because it bothers you, if she persists lose her. You shouldn't have to give her moral support at the same time that she is critizing your school that you wanted to go to.</p>
<p>"They won so many football games and now everyone wants to go there."</p>
<p>Perchance this is USC?</p>
<p>Maybe University of Michigan considering the minority issue?</p>
<p>OP, you don't need friends like this. Being around a negative person wears away at your spirit and saps the joy from life. No matter what you accomplish at this school, its going to be tainted in her eyes because the school doesn't measure up. And she's probably not out making friends at a place that sucks, which means she's going to be demanding of your time to listen to her carping. </p>
<p>
[quote]
she thinks I don't support her if I don't tell her "Yeah, this school sucks! You are so much better than this idiots. Those admissions people don't know what they are doing." Any advice?
[/quote]
First of all, where is it written that you must "support" her? Friendship is a 2-way street. How is she supporting your enjoyment of college? As others have pointed out, when we get to college we sometimes move on from relationships we've had in the past. There is some kind of balance that needs to apply to friendships, and right now it sounds like all the weight is on your shoulders.</p>
<p>Actually, though, there is one silver lining here. If you do feel ties to this girl in spite of how things are going, this gives you a great opportunity to re-examine what it means to be a friend and to be helpful. When someone has a problem the best approach is seldom to try to solve it for them, or to ignore your own thoughts and feelings in the belief that you must agree with theirs. Instead you focus on making them feel understood by giving an empathetic response. This is called "active listening". One article about it is at <a href="http://tinyurl.com/bfm5g%5B/url%5D">http://tinyurl.com/bfm5g</a> and you can find lots more on the web. So instead of agreeing with her you can for example reply "you feel miserable here, but expect you'll be happy when X accepts your transfer". See the difference? You don't have to agree with someone to respond. Active listening is a skill, learnable like any other one. I suggest you make a visit to the counseling center at your college where you can practice with them how to respond, as well as get some tips on how to handle this corrosive situation.</p>
<p>Thanks for that active listening like. It provided the best info on that subject that I've ever seen.</p>