I’m a third year college student who has fallen severely behind in coursework, can’t find any sense of urgency or motivation, and can’t “wake up.” I spend all my time either numb and unmotivated, or wallowing stupidly in self-pity. Sometimes I am brave enough to seek help, but when I fail to get it together after seeking help, I fall back into the cycle of laziness and self-doubt/self-hatred/self-pity/guilt. I can’t reach out (whether that be “explaining” myself to professors, which really just feels like I am making excuses, or trying to get help from friends) after that because I’ve already asked for help, taken up someone’s time and energy, and still not been able to do my part. So sorry, I don’t really know what I want out of this thread, and thank you to anyone who reads all of this and replies.
Basically, should I just take a gap if I’m not going to do anything in school and just laze around all day feeling depressed/anxious anyway? But also, if I can’t help myself or get myself out of bed now, won’t I just be wasting time on the gap?
I think you’ve identified a number of classic symptoms of depression. When you’ve sought help previously, have you inquired about whether an antidepressant is warranted?
Before you try an antidepressant, however, evaluate your lifestyle. Are you getting enough sleep? Enough exercize? Good nutrition?
I don’t think one or two visits to a therapist will help. You really need to be seeing someone regularly. If you’re on a semester basis, it may be early enough to pull out of your classes for a medical leave. Talk to your parents about this ASAP. It will be much easier on you in the long run to pull back now and get help than it will be to deal with academic probations, etc.
Hi, thank you for replying. I guess I should add that I’m currently on meds for depression and anxiety (on meds for about a year, but depressed for probably three or four), but my psychiatrist back home has been urging me to get screened for ADD/ADHD because she thinks that may be the root of most of my problems. I feel like I blame too much of my self-managment/discipline problems on these mental health issues, though, and there are just so many things I don’t have together (sleep, exercise, etc. like Groundwork2022 mentions). It’s a terrible cycle of getting depressed, falling behind on work, getting anxious and staying up all night saying I will start/complete my latework but not doing anything and then feeling even worse about everything. Even the tiniest tasks feel impossibly overwhelming, and any time I fall behind the schedule I layout for myself (even if it is not that bad or not too late) I get very anxious and feel like I’ve already failed or can’t do anything. I have been talking to my mother about this, but talking to her always makes me feel extremely guilty and incapable. I have tried therapy, but the therapist just didn’t fit, and I’m in a location where it’s very hard to find a good therapist who also takes my insurance.
Again, even with these things, I just feel like they are mostly excuses, but beyond that I don’t know how to make myself do things and not be so pessimistic about my abilities.
I do think consistent cognitive behavior therapy would be helpful, but at the end of the day my recovery and my responsibilities are in my hands and my hands only. I might always feel like I need hand-holding through everything (and I mean everything down to what should be daily life habits like brushing my teeth, showering, or eating regularly), but I know I need to learn to rely on myself. Another thing is that I always compare myself to who I “used to be,” which seems in my mind like an entirely separate person who was capable, smart, healthy, responsible, and resilient, none of which are traits I would associate with my current self. It makes it seem like I’m on an inevitable downhill path, which I know isn’t true or doesn’t have to be true if I would just take action. But then, I think about how I make brushing my teeth out to be such an arduous task and just can’t see how I could handle anything if I can’t even handle the most basic tasks of daily living.
If your psychiatrist thinks you may have ADD, they can screen you themselves and prescribe as well. Is your counselor a psych MD, or maybe just a psychologist?
Speaking from experience as both a teacher and a parent of a child with both ADD and depression, it’s often tricky to tease out which came first, so treating both is not uncommon. If a doctor has suggested this may be the issue, have you considered going to the student health center to see if you can be screened there if you aren’t home to see this other provider? I might start there since it’s already been raised by someone who has treated you. For those with true ADD, its usually clear within a very short period of time whether meds are helpful or not.
I guess I should ask, what are some good things to say to myself when I’m trying to pep-talk myself into “switching my brain on” when what is going on in my head is just a loop of “I can’t do it, I don’t want to do it, I won’t do it”
Again, thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read and reply to me. I know I am difficult and frustrating to try to advise with all my “but I just can’t do it” mentality
“I need to accomplish something today no matter how small or insignificant.”
" I need to take a walk & get some fresh air."
P.S. You are not difficult to advise. You are growing & developing. Everyone encounters obstacles. Your obstacles just require action & motion. Exercise. Organize. Do something no matter how small or insignificant that it may seem. Inaction is your enemy; taking action is your friend.
@breatheout what are 5 of your favorite things, things that bring you joy like books movies, faith, music, friends, animals, etc? There are wonderful inspirational/centering quotes based on almost everything. Knowing what brings joy to you could help everyone offer suggestions. One thing that can help is focusing and redirecting thoughts outward by volunteering. It’s easy to fall down the rabbit hole with our own thoughts, sometimes just taking an hour to focus those thoughts on someone else’s needs can help lift our own spirits.
Hi - I really appreciate your vulnerability to share and everyone’s support who has weighed in. It can take a few try’s to find a fit for therapy. But keep at it. Depression at this age/stage is really common. You are working on many skills at once and it can be taxing. I’m a therapist and work in a modality called Somatic Experiencing. Here is the website to find a practitioner if you are interested. I have been a therapist for over 25 years and when I learned about Somatic Experiencing it was the missing piece of psychotherapy that I had been looking for as a practitioner. https://directory.traumahealing.org
You’ve got this - you are not broken. You are stretching and growing and it can be hard and complicated.
If you had diabetes, would you berate yourself for needing insulin? If you had cancer, do you think you’d be reluctant to make an appointment with an oncologist because you ought to be able to get control over a malignancy yourself? If you broke your arm, would you compare yourself to your pre-broken arm state when you could lift 50 lbs?
No. You would get yourself help. And that’s what you need to do right now. Get back into therapy (not an occasional consult when you’re feeling awful). If your meds have stopped working, you and your physician need to review what your other options are (this is a frequent problem and your doctor should be aware of several other drug protocols which you can try). You need to work with your MD and get a referral to a psychologist who will coordinate with your doctor on how you are doing and what your needs are.
I know the first step is hard. But you sound like a strong, wonderful person who has hit a roadblock and you are going to need help from professionals to get past it. This is not a weakness or a moral failing- you have a medical condition which has disrupted your sleep, ability to concentrate, and capabilities.
Can you get a medical withdrawal from school so you can head home to heal and get treatment? If your mom only makes things worse- is there a cousin/aunt/grandparent you could live with for a while?
In answer to your question, YES, it is ok to take time off from college. Don’t buy into anyone’s arguments that “you might not go back” or anything else like that. I have two friends whose children have taken time away from college, both for depression. The schools have been amazing about allowing it, and they are both in good standing at their schools while they take the time to get the help and support they need. Secondly, YES, it does sound like you should get screened for ADD/ADHD, for three reasons: (1) depression can definitely follow the struggle to keep organized (executive function) when you have ADHD. Time and time again it’s shown that smart people are able to succeed through many years of school, in spite of their untreated ADHD, but at some point, they realize that they are working harder than everyone else just to keep track of things. They become exhausted, and then they think they are stupid—when in fact, just the opposite is the case. Once the ADHD is identified, life becomes incredibly easier—you are able to use techniques to manage your life more easily. Sometimes this means having someone take notes while you pay attention in class. Sometimes it means hiring someone to organize your notebooks, your desk, your room—whatever it takes in order to make sure that the work you are doing in your head makes it to the professor’s desk, and on time. (2) Some of the medications used to treat ADHD and some of the medications used to treat different kinds of depression (or mood disorders) counteract each other. You want to know what brain chemicals are affected in whatever your conditions are, so that you are taking the correct medications. No point in taking meds if they are going to work against each other—or create interactions (like anxiety, for example. Or further depression.) (3) Your therapist is picking up on something, and has suggested it. There’s no downside to getting screened.
Depression sucks, there’s no other way to put it. You’re being incredibly smart to reach out, ask for advice, and recognize that you don’t have to feel this way. You will do great in life. Give yourself the time to get the chemistry figured out, and you’ll be amazed how much easier things can be.