<p>The idea is not to place one's child in an environment where their values and priorities will never be questioned and where the majority of people share the same ideals. The idea is to instill a strong sense of self in a child and then to let them loose on the world, the wholly uncensored real world. You know the place, where people get drunk and everything isn't perfect and mom and dad are no longer in control.</p>
<p>I wasn't going to say anything the first time you posted this. But, I think it takes a heck of a lot of nerve to tell a kid who wants a college that isn't dominated by heavy drinking that he or she is wrong. It is precisely this attitude that makes non-drinkers or occasional drinkers leary of being marginalized at a big boozer school. There is something fundamentally wrong with attacking an 18 year old kid for deciding not to drink or for not wanting to spend four years surrounded by drunks. The more sober students should not be forced to do the accomodating.</p>
<p><<i wasn't="" going="" to="" say="" anything="" the="" first="" time="" you="" posted="" this.="" but,="" i="" think="" it="" takes="" a="" heck="" of="" lot="" nerve="" tell="" kid="" who="" wants="" college="" that="" isn't="" dominated="" by="" heavy="" drinking="" he="" or="" she="" is="" wrong.="" precisely="" this="" attitude="" makes="" non-drinkers="" occasional="" drinkers="" leary="" being="" marginalized="" at="" big="" boozer="" school.="" there="" something="" fundamentally="" wrong="" with="" attacking="" an="" 18="" year="" old="" for="" deciding="" not="" drink="" wanting="" spend="" four="" years="" surrounded="" drunks.="" more="" sober="" students="" should="" be="" forced="" do="" accomodating.="">></i></p><i wasn't="" going="" to="" say="" anything="" the="" first="" time="" you="" posted="" this.="" but,="" i="" think="" it="" takes="" a="" heck="" of="" lot="" nerve="" tell="" kid="" who="" wants="" college="" that="" isn't="" dominated="" by="" heavy="" drinking="" he="" or="" she="" is="" wrong.="" precisely="" this="" attitude="" makes="" non-drinkers="" occasional="" drinkers="" leary="" being="" marginalized="" at="" big="" boozer="" school.="" there="" something="" fundamentally="" wrong="" with="" attacking="" an="" 18="" year="" old="" for="" deciding="" not="" drink="" wanting="" spend="" four="" years="" surrounded="" drunks.="" more="" sober="" students="" should="" be="" forced="" do="" accomodating.="">
<p>ummm
A. It was her parent posting.
and
B. I never said she was "wrong" just that if she is true to herself, whether others around her drink or not should be irrelevant.
and
C. I never attacked anyone for deciding not to drink. Like I said, my underage kids are non-drinkers.
and
D. Categorizing kids who drink in college as "drunks" is inappropriate.
and
E. Control issues are often masked by a desire to control one's environment, or one's child's environment.
and</p>
</i>
<p>Hmmmm. I cannot imagine a better motto than "to thine own self be true."</p>
<p>I have watched my S choose to reject a drinking culture in hs and I am more than pleased to think that his sense of self and the values we have instilled have led to this.</p>
<p>HOWEVER, as he heads off to college in the fall, I know he will be surrounded by more and better (or should I say more and worse) of that culture. And I would be lying if I said it doesn't concern me. I don't think my concern means I am afraid to expose my child to the real world. Nor do I think that a student seeking a college where binge drinking is not the dominant culture is saying that the kid is afraid of having his values questioned.</p>
<p>The cc mantra is "fit." Who can criticize a student or his family for seeking a college experience that fits her academic goals, her intellectual goals, and her desired social milieu? No one, no matter how strong her sense of self, wants to plunge herself into an environment where she is marginalized.</p>
<p>This is all that I hear mama saying about her D's search; not that she is afraid of the real world or will fall apart if she encounters drinking/drunk kids. Just that she wants an environment where there will be enough of a non-drinking subculture. This seems to me what mcdeb is saying her student has found at Lehigh - despite it being stereotyped (wrongly imho) as a "drinking" school. mama is just seeking exactly that for her D, not trying to "control" her D or her D's environment; rather help her identify the right environment for her.</p>
<p>jmmom-thank you.</p>