<p>We’ve had this discussion many times in my home since the kids were very young. I’d prefer they not drink, but if they did I’d want them to do so legally and responsibly. We’ve discussed things that could happen both socially and legally to someone who consumes alcohol because I really want them to understand it and not be sorry after the fact. They know I’d pick them up anywhere at anytime. I won’t say no questions asked if they were under age.</p>
<p>I don’t drink, but I don’t condemn anyone who does so legally. I don’t condone drinking at all and driving because I’ve never seen a drunk who thought he was drunk. Drinking and driving puts others at risk unfairly and it isn’t something I could live with at all.</p>
<p>By uncomfortable I mean uneasy, unpleasant, etc. Some parents would react by denying their child would do such a thing. Some would blame me or my daughter for having the alcohol available. Some may accuse me of providing the alcohol. Since we don’t have alcohol in our house this wouldn’t be an issue unless it were brought in by someone. I’d rather face an uncomfortable situation or an angry parent than a parent who might blame me if it happened again with tragic results.</p>
<p>My comment about the self-supporting 18 year old was in response to a hypothetical question posed by GladDad.</p>
<p>We recently lost two teens in our affluent and family oriented community. The teen was found by his father in their hot tub after he died from a legal substance sold in convenience stores. Had someone told the parents they may have been angry and denied it. Even so, they may have spoken to their son and it may have saved his life.</p>
<p>If anyone assumes that all kids will drink that is about as foolish as thinking that no kid will or does. Everyone does it is a fallacy. If I discovered that another parent knowingly provided alcohol for my underage child (younger than 21) I would deal with my child and would seriously consider legal action against the parent.</p>
So the reason to call other parents would be to avoid “uncomfortable situation,” and the “uncomfortable situation” is to be blamed for providing alcohol when you didn’t. This is not to prevent 18+ yr old kids from alcohol related accidents.</p>
If it is legal at your state, then on what ground would you consider legal action against another parent? If it was illegal, it would be up to your 18+ year old to consider legal action against someone, not you.</p>
<p>No, not at all. I’m saying we should ask ourselves why we wouldn’t call. If we wouldn’t call because it would be unpleasant or because in doing so we might feel judged or face legal issues (which according to the OP’s post he didn’t knowingly provide it and wouldn’t be responsible), or because our own child is afraid the friends wouldn’t like it.</p>
<p>The reason I would call is because I care more about what could have happened or could happen in the future. If something had happened I would feel obligated to tell the parents where the alcohol came from. A grieving parent is likely not to handle this well, but if I were in their shoes I’d want to know and I think they would have a right as well. I wouldn’t want anyone to lose a child. I’m pretty sure none of us would want that. Fortunately, it didn’t happen this time. If it happened again (even though the daughter says it won’t) it could happen at his home again or at another unsuspecting parent’s home. Then what? If the parents find out they are likely to blame the OP for not making them aware. Legally is he responsible, probably not…but in my own heart I’d want to be sure I’d done what I thought was right.</p>
<p>If I were questioning whether it was right to call the parents as the OP and his wife are, that would be enough for me to do so. If the conversation was uncomfortable for me or my child because the parents didn’t take it well or the friends didn’t then so be it. It would be much more comfortable to talk to an angry parent and suffer through an uncomfortable conversation than to sit through an uncomfortable situation such as a funeral or court proceeding. I never suggested being afraid of parents judging my parenting. As long as I am within the law and my moral and ethical convictions I don’t worry about the judgment of others.</p>
<p>It isn’t legal in my state for you to provide alcohol to my underage child.</p>
<p>I’m not really sure why you care so much what I think, but the OP posted a question seeking advice and I’ve provided mine. You are free to disagree, but you and I will never agree on this and I see no reason to continue discussing it with you further.</p>
<p>Even though it may be wrong to have 18-20 years olds drinking, their parents cannot sue another set of parents because their adult child gave their child alcohol. </p>
<p>Maybe this will help clarify. it’s illegal for people of any age to use cocaine. If my 25 year old gets cocaine from a party at your home, I can’t sue you for that. If my 19 year old gets cocaine from your home, I can’t sue you for that If my 17 year old gets cocaine from your home, then I might be able to sue you.</p>
<p>I’m not talking about suing and I’m not talking about what happened in this case since it involved teens who were all under age and not the parents/homeowners knowingly providing the alcohol.</p>
<p>I’m saying I’d seriously consider reporting any parent to law enforcement for knowingly providing alcohol to a group of unrelated children under the age of 21 if my child was one of those involved. I’m not saying I would definitely do it, but I would seriously consider it. Since the legal drinking age is 21 I would do take whatever legal recourse I had available if there were injuries or a death as a result of the alcohol. Parents should refrain from encouraging or providing alcohol to those under the legal age who are someone else’s child.</p>
<p>Many or all of you may feel differently and I may very well be in the minority, but it doesn’t matter to me. I’m not interested in debating it, that’s just my thoughts.</p>
<p>By the way, what if a 19 year old has no parents and no legal guardian? Then you don’t need parental consent, or there is no way you can give 'em a drink?</p>
<p>I’m not going to debate it, but as a parent I am under no circumstance going to provide alcohol to another parent’s child who is under the age of 21. I don’t drink personally, but if I did I still cannot think of a reason I would want to provide it. I’ve never had any inclination to drink.</p>
<p>For that matter our family made the decision NOT to provide alcohol at a business social when asked even though all guests were well past 21. It was a business sponsored event in someone’s home. I’ll gladly contribute soft drinks, but I’m not going to have any doubt about whether I’m responsible for a death or other tragedy that may result. I can’t stop anyone from driving a car if they wanted to and I’m not a judge of who is drunk and who is not. In my opinion, any alcohol is too much to drive.</p>
<p>I’m not judging any legal adult who chooses to drink responsibly as long as they don’t drive.</p>
<p>EVERYONE here should do a 3 page paper on state laws on minors and drinking laws in their own state. lol. You really need to inform yourselves</p>
<p>What is the legal limit of alcohol for MINORS who drive?
If that minor obtained the alcohol in your home whether you were home or not can you be held responsible?
What are the laws for furnishing a minor alcohol in a private residence? What are the penalties for these infractions.</p>
<p>if you under 21 kid gives alcohol to another kid under 21 in your home can you be held responsible? If that minor then gets in a car accident can the owner of the home be sued? </p>
<p>Educate yourself and your kids. Today. </p>
<p>while you are at it google average cost of fighting a DUI</p>
<p>As for filing a lawsuit, although I have never sued anyone I have experienced a case where I probably should have for the other person to understand the consequences of making bad choices.</p>
<p>If I were a parent considering serving alcohol to another parent’s under age child, I wouldn’t be so sure I couldn’t or wouldn’t be sued. We live in a very litigious society and McDonald’s and other big business like the tobacco industry have been sued successfully. If McDonald’s can be sued over hot coffee and lose I wouldn’t want to serve alcohol to someone underage to find out.</p>
<p>Note that it is illegal for another parent to serve my child alcohol without my consent and my presence while it is being consumed until the age of 21.</p>
<p>In Pa a minor under 21 will have their drivers license suspended if that minor receives an underage drinking offense. EVEN if the minor is 100 miles away from any car. Surprise!</p>
<p>In Conn. the legal DUI limit is .02 for under 21 and driving. For some kids that could be one drink.</p>
<p>As I understand it parents of under 21 yr olds who live at home and are dependent have been successfully held liable for the results of acts committed by the under 21 year old. I would have to take time and look it up BUT EVERYONE should look these things up for themselves.</p>
<p>We all need to educate our kids on the laws BEFORE they get into trouble or head off to college.</p>
<p>My last word…read the laws carefully if in doubt and don’t take legal advice from posters on CC regarding serious issues such as alcohol. In Georgia, there are consequences for those who provide it to persons under 21 or those under 21 who possess or consume it.</p>
<p>One can be sued by anyone. The plaintiffs may not win, but the cost of defending oneself in a lawsuit can be very high. In fact, I would venture that if any harm came to anyone under the age of 21 who obtained alcohol at your home (whether or not the adults in the home were aware of it), you would indeed be sued. That’s just the way society is now.</p>
<p>Exactly my point. Bars have been successfully sued for serving alcohol and lost to both drunk drivers who were served by the bar and victims or their families who were impacted. The bad news for the OP is that if someone had left (and they could have because he said he wasn’t aware of the drinking), not only could he be held liable (in some states anyway) but his 19 year old daughter is a legal adult and could have as well. It doesn’t matter where she got the alcohol either except that she put her parents into the mix when she served it in their home. I know he said he didn’t know and didn’t serve it but his daughter did.</p>
<p>Those of you who think that 18 means you can serve them, please read the law and the penalties for serving it or for someone under 21 who possesses it or consumes it If your child is going out of state to college, read the law. If you serve alcohol in your home, read the law. End of lesson.</p>
<p>Sorry, but the cocaine analogy doesn’t work for me and I’m pretty sure whomever furnished it would face a felony charge. I’m aware of the law in my state and my legal rights if I decided to sue. If I weren’t, how in the world could I teach my children to be responsible? I told my oldest that turning 18 was more good news to me than to her because I’m no longer legally responsible for her actions, she is legally responsible. I’m still; however, responsible for if I allow her to furnish alcohol or drugs in my home. We’ve never had an issue, thank goodness.:)</p>
<p>I’m sorry the OP is facing this, but this is a teaching moment no matter what he decides to teach. </p>
<p>As a home owner I could be sued for serving too much alcohol to my guests, whether someone is 18 or 60. It is the reason why I would be upset at my kid for not have gotten my consent before she invited her friends over to our home to drink. It would be a teaching moment for me to educate my kid that. I would expect her to tell her adult friends of our expectations, whatever that maybe. Again, I would not be the one to call up an adult’s parents to let them about their kids.</p>
<p>Yes, people sue each other for no good reason nowadays. It is clear from what people post on this thread.</p>
<p>Yes, you can…and yes some people do sue for frivolous reasons, but if you read the law I posted you will see it is indeed illegal for you to provide alcohol to anyone under 21 without their parent both consenting and being present in Georgia…that’s the law. Other states may be different.</p>
<p>All of this discussion has made me curious. Georgia requires teens to complete an alcohol and drug awareness program, ADAP, before they are granted a driver’s license. Do any of your homes states require something similar? Teens are also required to take driver’s education which is separate from this course in order to get their license or wait until age 17 to get it. The course isn’t offered in many school systems which leaves parents paying $400.00 for it. There’s a cheaper online coarse that doesn’t require driving, but parent’s don’t get the insurance discount for driver’s ed if the child takes the online course. What do other states require?</p>
<p>There’s been a lot of action here while I was asleep! The conversation’s fascinating but has spun a bit away from my initial question. </p>
<p>Bamagirls: my wife’s initial impulse to notify the parents came from her sense, expressed by some here, that she would want to know if the situation were reversed. I know for sure the ages of the kids because I know them; they are not strangers.</p>
<p>We face no legal liability under Connecticut law, as I discovered when I read the law.</p>
<p>If I had discovered the kids drinking, I would have confiscated the alcohol and called the parents to pick their children up. The need for safety would have prevailed.</p>
<p>What I haven’t heard yet discussed here is the question of these young people’s privacy. Drinking alcohol is the only generally legal act I can think of that is illegal for people 18-21. Otherwise, the law recognizes 18 year-olds as independent adults. They don’t need parental permission to marry, sign a legally binding contract, enter the military, work full-time in any job no matter how dangerous. HIPPA laws make it illegal for doctors to release medical information about an 18 year-old to anyone, even parents, without the patient’s written permission; colleges cannot legally report anything about 18+ students to their parents even if the parents are paying 100% of the costs.</p>
<p>I recognize that these examples are not the same as the drinking, but for me anyway they do make the situation muddy. And they bring me back to my initial question – what do I want to accomplish? Especially given that the incident is over; no one was hurt; and it will not happen again.</p>