<p>My son is coming home from his freshman year in college out of state (10 hrs. away).</p>
<p>I'm curious how some of you parents who have had your kids home for their first summer handle the alcohol issue.</p>
<p>My son is getting terrific grades at a very demanding school while being an athlete. Since he has been going to school in a different state, he has been on his own and handled himself responsibly (like a lot of college kids, he is a social drinker).</p>
<p>On the one hand, I'd feel foolish telling him that I don't trust him to have a drop of alcohol over the summer (I know better) when I trust him to handle himself four states away. On the other hand, I'm not going to abdicate my parenting responsibility of a 19-year-old.</p>
<p>Any thoughts/opinions/stories (good or bad)/advice?</p>
<p>In our house we stick with the approach that…until he’s 21 yrs old it is illegal for him to possess or consume alcohol. It matters not to us what he has been doing at his own house while at school.</p>
<p>In our house we stick with the approach that…until he’s 21 yrs old it is illegal for him to possess or consume alcohol except in our home with our permission- that is legal in our state. If he were to drink here, then try to drive somewhere or drive home after drinking, then there would be no more drinking here, and if he pushed us too hard, he could “vacation” elsewhere. Like Archiemom, our rules here are not dependent on what he has been doing at his own house while at school.</p>
<p>Ok…I’m probably going to get completely flamed for this. So be it. I’m a big girl; I can take it.</p>
<p>We have made it quite clear to our college-aged boys that they are to NEVER drink and drive EVER. They knew that if they ever drank at someplace else and needed a ride home, I would come get them day or night, no questions asked. As far as we can tell, they completely respected our rules. </p>
<p>I am French/Italian. We’ve always allowed our kids to have a bit of wine with a family Italian dinner or champagne toast on Christmas, New Years Eve, & Easter - provided no one is driving anywhere. It’s a rule that as parents we also observe. My parents did the same. No DUIs in my family. No alcoholics in my family.</p>
<p>“In our house we stick with the approach that…until he’s 21 yrs old it is illegal for him to possess or consume alcohol. It matters not to us what he has been doing at his own house while at school.”</p>
<p>If you live in a state that does not allow drinking until age 21, then it seems to me that it would only make sense to obey the law. If you have always required him to obey the law up tot his point, why suddenly allow him to flout the law.<br>
It’s not a trust issue, it is a legal issue.</p>
<p>We also had the no drinking and driving-EVER- mandate. We allowed our young adults to drink alcohol in our house (I don’t remember them actually doing it except at family gatherings) and on vacations with us. In our community, that horse was out of the barn years ago…</p>
<p>Your mileage may vary, but I serve wine at dinner and my children have been permitted to have a sip or two–or even a whole glass-- for quite a few years (they are 23 and 24 now). They are NOT permitted to drink (any amount) and then drive. </p>
<p>My MIL was an alcoholic; I thought it was important to model a conservative drinking policy.</p>
<p>I am not an alcoholic, but I do have a tendency to blurt when I’ve had more than two drinks; my kids are keenly aware that there are more dangers to drinking than just driving.</p>
<p>Just another perspective. We had the 21 rule too and there really wasn’t much fuss. The bigger issue I think is when they do turn 21 and are still in college (we faced that last summer). At first, it seemed like there was a desire to show freedom by loading our basement fridge with beer ( I wanted to turn off that fridge down there but I use the freezer for storage!). That calmed down and it’s not a big deal anymore. But it seems there is some novelty to becoming “legal” even though they’ve been drinking all along. So thinking about AFTER 21 makes sense. IMO, it’s still the parent’s decision on the house rules, adult/ legal or not. We are not having the college scene replicated at home, no matter WHAT the age. And yes, absolutely NO drinking and driving.</p>
<p>Get flamed(post 4) for saying no drinking and driving? Seriously? Do you expect there are some here that will agrue in favor of drinking and driving?</p>
<p>P.S. I think all states forbid purchase and consumption of alcohol for under 21, except- some permit it when given to them by a parent or legal guardian. Of course, dui is illegal everywhere.</p>
<p>dmd might want to take a second look at the Oregon posting he referenced. A parent can serve a minor in his own home, according to the article. Minor is anyone under 21. The minor does not have to be at least 18. However, any minor under 18 is also considered a juvenile.</p>
<p>We feel comfortable allowing our 18-year-old to consume alcohol in moderation at home. We have wine with dinner most evenings and he usually has some on weekends. Lately, hes started to drink a beer or two on the weekends.</p>
<p>We do prohibit him from drinking when hes not with us, but I could not vouch with 100% certainty that he always complies.</p>
<p>If I understand the law correctly, consumption of alcohol by a minor in our state is fine as long if done at home with the parents consent.</p>
<p>Oddly, in Ohio the law permits a minor to drink alcohol if given by their parent not only in the home, but also in public.
Theoretically, a mom could order a glass of wine in a restaurant/bar for her 17 yr old daughter. Strictly speaking, the server must serve the wine to the parent, then the parent give it to the minor. For the server to place the glass directly in front of the minor would be a violation.</p>
<p>OP, it sounds like you are already comfortable with the idea of your son drinking alcohol. On a forum like this one, I suspect that you will find that some parents do not allow alcohol under their roof, and that some parents will supply the kegs for their own kids’ parties. Why not figure out what your comfort level is and then communicate that to your son before summer. (Hopefully you will not allow him to drink and drive.)</p>
<p>I grew up in a “no alcohol” house, while in my husband’s family (big, rowdy, Catholic), the kids were allowed to have parties with alcohol. The parents even designated a “smoking porch” for the kids who wanted to smoke. In spite of that, he turned out fine</p>
<p>At our house today, we tell our kids not to drink and drive (they really don’t) and I offer a glass of champagne or wine only on special occasions (Christmas dinner, birthday) AFTER they have turned 18. </p>
<p>We do not ever offer alcohol to their friends.</p>
<p>For my daughter’s 21st birthday, we took her and a friend out to dinner at a very nice restaurant. The friend grew up at a fine Oregon vineyard growing Pinot grapes for various winemakers. She’d been drinking wine her entire life, and in fact had recently bottled her first wine.</p>
<p>I actually know that kids can consume in their own homes with parental permission. And in some states, if you’re out to dinner with the folks, you can drink then as well. </p>
<p>I’ve said this elsewhere but we have two non-negotiables. One: no drinking and driving and no driving with anyone who has been drinking. And, if you are ever arrested, be completely polite and respectful, but insist upon an attorney for yourself. Do not say a word.</p>
<p>As for the summer drinking… I do not want to be responsible for anyone else’s kid like that, however, I will admit to a less acute sense of peripheral vision the older my kids became. I think my kids know there has to be respect for my home and my rules. What this means is that if you shove it in my face, I will have no choice but to lower the hammer. And this applies to my older D as well – who is perfectly legal to drink.</p>
<p>Get flamed(post 4) for saying no drinking and driving? Seriously? Do you expect there are some here that will agrue in favor of drinking and driving?</p>
<p>No!!! The “get flamed” part was a reference to the fact that we’ve let out kids have a bit of wine with spaghetti dinners and champagne on Christmas, New Years Eve, and Easter.</p>
<p>while in my husband’s family (big, rowdy, Catholic),</p>
<p>Our girls have always been allowed to have drinks with us, even when we went out. Most of the time D1 wouldn’t have any, if she did it would be a glass. It’s no big deal in our house. D2 will have half a glass sometimes. She has never been carded.</p>
<p>Now, I would have an issue if D1 were to pop open a bottle in the middle day and start drinking, because we don’t do that. We also don’t serve alcohol to other kids without their parent’s permission.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids - no “flaming” here. We’ve done the same thing. </p>
<p>Of course, we lived overseas and traveled to places where the drinking age (legal or accepted) is younger. At home, DH and I usually have a glass or 2 of wine with dinner, and the boys often have a small glass on special occasions/holidays. When dining out (when overseas), we usually gave them a small glass of whatever bottle we ordered. </p>
<p>My older son knows that he prefers South African reds and New Zealand whites!</p>
<p>Both boys have also had beer, but not as often. However, now that DS#1 is 18 and will be heading off to college soon, I think I am going to suggest that he starts tasting some of the brands most college kids drink. I know - compared to the interesting beers DH usually drinks - Bud and Miller and going to taste like crap to him!</p>