<p>I was so excited to join a sorority. I'm a Freshman in a huge state university and I felt so out of place and alone during my first few weeks of school that I thought joining a sorority would help me to make lasting friendships and give me the social life I wanted.</p>
<p>Well now I'm a pledge in my top choice sorority. The best sorority on campus. AND, I'm still unhappy.</p>
<p>I haven't connected with most of the girls and by this point they are all really close, and I still feel like I haven't had a chance to get to know them all yet. Because of this, I skip out on most of the events, which only makes it worse and it's spiraled into this horrible circle.</p>
<p>All of my dues and initiation fees are due tomorrow morning. And I'm really unsure about going through with it. I want it to all work out and be amazing, but right now I haven't been having a lot of fun. My Big and I haven't gotten close either. I just don't know how to get into this! I know it takes a lot of work and commitment, but all of a sudden I've turned into this shy person who avoids social situations. That's not me!</p>
<p>Maybe sorority life isn't what I was looking for. I don't know. What are other ways to get involved and make friends and have fun on campus? I really wanted to be a sorority girl, but I just don't feel like I fit in.</p>
<p>Any advice? (Another issue is all the financial strain I'm going to be putting on my family for something that I don't even know if I want! The money is making me feel so guilty. They offered to do it and said it's okay, but I know we're doing bad, so idk!)</p>
<p>I should also note, that they do a LOT of partying - which I am completely not into. That’s one of the reason for me skipping out on things, is because I don’t drink and I don’t like being in that environment. I just wish I could meet people who enjoy…just hanging out and talking and walking around. I feel like I can’t relate to any of these girls that well. :(</p>
<p>Are there any clubs on campus that would interest you? If not, would you be willing to start one up? Could you get a part time job? Are there events that happen with some sort of regularity (e.g. concerts/open mic nights)?</p>
<p>If there are clubs that catch your interest, you’d meet people with similar interests in them. With the job, you’d be able to meet more people and make good friends with them. If you go to those regularly scheduled events, you’ll probably find other people who show up regularly. Just say something like “Hey I’ve seen you around here a lot, what’s your name?” and take it from there.</p>
<p>Talk to your big about it, and try to have an honest conversation. It sounds like you have some serious problems with match with your sorority, so dropping may not be a bad idea, but definitely talk to your big or anyone you ARE close with who is a sister before you do- don’t just do it suddenly. They may be able to help resolve the problems or help you understand the issues you’re having and determine whats right for you- they chose you in large part, so they like you! They want you to be happy, and won’t try to keep you around if you’ll just be miserable. Also note that while it might be a “waste” you can pay, see it through (after the aforementioned talk) and see if it improves. If it doesn’t, drop before the second semester dues.</p>
<p>While normally I’d recommend a conservative approach like arbiter is proposing, this time it looks to me like the mismatch is so serious that you’d be fully justified in dropping the sorority idea right away and devoting time to making friends in other settings. The money savings are important, too.</p>
<p>Daughter went through very similar scenario last year and stuck it out…now she’s pretty happy that she did; let me tell you how she was advised:</p>
<p>1) good advice to talk to your big; especially if you connected with her initially</p>
<p>2) concentrate on small numbers; that is do you like a few girls in your PC? is there a small group of girls that are a fit for you? do you like anybody in your PC? don’t focus on the seniors; they will be gone soon…focus on the majority of the girls you will be spending your four years with…</p>
<p>3) if after you think about #1 and #2 you still feel this is not a fit, definitely do not pay your dues…</p>
<h1>2 really helped my daughter; she didn’t love every girl in her sorority, nor did she love every girl in her PC…but she did find a core group of sisters that she did really like and that is what made her decision…and she really did want sorority life because she is a sleepaway camp veteran and loved her experience there…</h1>
<p>Why would you join a certain sorority if you don’t connect with anyone and they do events that you wouldn’t go to? I think your initial mistake was assuming that being a part of a group would automatically drop friends in your lap.</p>
<p>I think talking to them would be a good idea but you have to remember that they aren’t going to stop having the events that you don’t like and they will always have a stronger bond with each other in comparison with their relationships to the new girls until they get to know you, which cannot happen if you don’t go to events.</p>
<p>So either stay in the sorority and actually do something or leave and find friends elsewhere.</p>
<p>My son felt the same way when he joined a fraternity. He had mixed feelings from the start and didn’t want to pay the fees because he just felt it was a waste of money going toward something he didn’t really want. He ended up sticking it out, which really was a mistake in retrospect. It never got better for him and he just resented it more and more…eventually he dropped. If you feel this way now, I have a feeling you should drop out before it gets harder to do so. There are lots of ways to get involved on campus and Greek life is definitely not for everyone. My son is much happier without the fraternity. He blamed it on finances so he could bow out without hurting any feelings.</p>