<p>My daughter had an alumnae interview two nights ago for a pretty prestigious east coast school. She plans on swimming in college and told the interviewer this. The response was,
"Well don't sleep with the swim coach. He is known for trying to sleep with the swimmers, especially the divers, but don't say you heard it from me". This man has been coaching at the school for 35 years. I don't want to harms this man's reputation if this is an unfounded accusation. Should I report this to the school.</p>
<p>Wow.</p>
<p>I agree that it would be highly unfortunate to unleash a witch hunt against an innocent person. Even an accusation is usually enough to destroy someone these days.</p>
<p>At the same time, if he really has been doing this he should be stopped-- and this person should not be interviewing for the college, no matter what.</p>
<p>Perhaps what you (or your D) should do is start by informing the admissions office that the interviewer alleged to your D that an employee of the college is known for trying to sleep with students with whom he works. (Keeping the language generic enough that it does not identify the staff member.) You can reveal more information if your feel comfortable doing so if they pursue it. Perhaps they will pursue it with the alum instead, and that person will either say s/he was joking–in which case s/he will likely be dropped as an interviewer and the matter will end there–or s/he will tell what s/he knows and the college can pursue it internally.</p>
<p>Whether you choose to do this before or after decisions come out is up to you.</p>
<p>No, you shouldn’t report that to the school. </p>
<p>Your daughter should report something if the swim coach approaches her. But right now all you have is hersay from an alumnae who told it to your daughter on the condition his or her name not be used.</p>
<p>(also, your daughter is an adult now and if approached, this would be the first of many hard decisions she’ll have to make in the next four years. You won’t be there for most of them, and have to trust that she’ll make the right choices even when on her own.)</p>
<p>But what about the interviewer, bigtrees? I don’t think that someone who says stuff like that to 17 and 18 yr old kids should be interviewing for the college.</p>
<p>I’d consider reporting the interviewer to the school, not the swim coach! If the interviewer knows something is wrong at the school, it is his/her job to report it to the school…not to make sweeping comments about it and certainly not in that context! I’d be very uncomfortable to have someone in that position bringing up sexual matters of any kind with my D, in this situation. To say “don’t say you heard it from me,” about anything, to a young interviewee, is totally inappropriate. Blechh, this person is a very bad representative for that school.</p>
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Doesn’t this depend quite a bit on whether the accusations are true? I think I would very much want my kid to be warned about something like that while he still had a choice to go elsewhere.</p>
<p>No, they shouldn’t be saying things like that during interviews. </p>
<p>Would I report it? No, I’d ignore it and move on.</p>
<p>The interviewer should not have discussed any of this with the interviewee. </p>
<p>I would not report concerns about the coach to the college. It is third hand rumor. If the alum is concerned, he can report it. You have no basis to go on.</p>
<p>No, I do not think the daughter says anything to the school. It’s hearsay and if the responsibility lies anywhere it lies with the interviewer not the D. The remark that the interviewer said was flip and smacks of some sort of misplaced bavado and the interviewer should not have made that comment. That said, neither the D nor the interviewer is first party to any of this alledged activity. I also don’t think the interviewer needs to be “reported.” It was probably a shocking comment for a young person to hear, but frankly, “grown adults” say dumb things in this world, even famous ones with big time media training and this is one of those cases where you hear the comment, and let it go. Believe me if the coach were actually doing something that made members of the team uncomfortable they are the ones that should be elevating a real issue and I bet it would happen if the allegation were true.</p>
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Me, too.
I am not sure the college wants this person interviewing for them. I would not if I was the director of admissions.</p>
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</p>
<p>My first reaction was to wonder whether the interviewer was a recent grad, on the assumption that they may have been expressing youthful bravado–and a lack of common sense. </p>
<p>Of course, people with no common sense come in all ages.</p>
<p>While I think that the interviewer ought to be “reported,” it will be very difficult to do so without giving information that could cast suspicion on the coach.</p>
<p>I agree that the interviewer was out of line to make such remarks, particularly in such a context. If it were me I would not report the interviewer, one reason being that by sharing the remarks, it would cast aspersions on the coach and these were third hand (or worse) rumors that could hurt the coach.</p>
<p>If you were an interviewer, meeting a nice innocent young woman who said she was planning to swim at college, and you knew the swim coach had a tendency to sleep with the players, what would you do? Would you tell her?</p>
<p>If I were an interviewer and truly believed this to be true I would communicate my concerns to the school. To me the whole incident not only casts aspersions on the coach (who may or may not be guilty as accused - we don’t know), but also reflect badly on the interviewer.</p>
<p>I would report the interviewer to the admissions office for inappropriate behavior. Her words, without any known hard evidence, make the interviewer, the school, and the coach look bad and they make the interviewee understandably anxious and uncomfortable. Often these “everyone knows” situations really mean “everyone says”. </p>
<p>That being said, students should be aware that when they’re in college they are adults. They may want to enter into relationships with other adults, even those that are their professors or coaches. Schools discourage it, because its inappropriate and dangerous for people who are in positions of power and authority over their students or athletes to have these kinds of relationships. It’s not always easy to tell if they’re consenting or not because a student may not say no if she feels like it will put her scholarship or her grades in danger, and if they’re unconsenting a student may be loathe to report it for the same reasons. if they are consenting, there may not be a lot a school can do to stop it, but if it gets out it makes the school, the teacher/coach, and the student look bad. They can deny the prof tenure or fire the coach, but not always without legal ramifications. It’s a tricky line to walk. Students should just be aware that as always, no one has the right to make unwanted advances on them for any reason, and that nothing is as important as their personal safety and well being.</p>
<p>I was kind of hoping the interviewer was young. It would be too creepy if a 54-year-old alumni interviewer man were talking to a 17-year-old high school girl about whom she should or should not have sex with. If it were a 24-year-old life of the party type(“youthful bravado, lack of common sense”), it’s still inappropriate, but it wouldn’t creep me out as much.</p>
<p>Sanbost, What was your DD’s for doing this interview? </p>
<p>a fine reason why Admission’s office should make it known to the student interviewee that alumni interviews have near Zero weighting for admissions, that interviews are strictly optional and is only for informational-marketing-PR purposes to the prospect. </p>
<p>Everyone concerned is now in a predicament with no good outcomes.</p>
<p>I just re read the original post and it said alumnae interviewer - if the interviewer was a woman, I need to take back what I said about this being creepy. Sorry! Wierd but not creepy.</p>
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At most schools this would be illegal for the professors, and I would hope that for coaches as well…</p>
<p>I just reread my last post and noticed I spelled weird wrong. I think I need to stay off of this thread. Sorry!</p>