Should I stay silent - son’s dilemma

It’s a friend, not family. But I agree the younger needs to talk with his brother, or not.

A note to say that another wrong to right here is that (it seems) older brother is not respecting younger brothers skilled occupation as an artist.

Younger brother has a history of creating and selling art - so, as an artist - and is worthy of a pay scale for his work. Does older brother respect younger brothers talent ?

This may be a one of a kind painting - not a paint by number that can be easily replicated

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Just as a side note, if there’s no payment, older brother has to be clear that if he ever wants to dispose of the painting, he has to give it back to younger brother - absolutely can’t give it to someone else or sell it himself. Normally one cannot tell recipients what to do with a gift, but this isn’t a gift. Perhaps it could be rephrased as a loan, i.e. one day it will be returned?

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I don’t think that you should step in and talk to Older Son. I do think that you should provide some guidance and advice to Younger Son in how to address the misunderstanding he has with his brother.

Why should you not step in and talk yourself to Older Son about it?
Because some day, you’re not going to be around to solve the problem for your kids. Because they’re both grown men now and they need to know how to handle these sorts of situations themselves. If your sons were both still teenagers, then my advice would be to be the mediator of a conversation with both of them together.

For example, to the 26 yr old painter son:

  • Is it possible that your brother misunderstood and didn’t realize that you expected him to pay you for the painting?
  • did you actually TELL him that you wanted him to pay for it?
  • was a price agreed upon before you gave it to him?
  • You need to tell your brother very directly, not in a round about way, what you expect him to pay you for the painting.
  • You might consider just letting it go this one time and consider it a one time gift to him. But know that for next time, you need to be very direct and clear with him so there’s no misunderstanding.
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If younger son is asking you for advice, give him the advice that he has to be direct with his brother. That should be the extent of it. I would not under any circumstances get involved in their relationship with each other by telling each what the other one said or translating from one to the other. That’s called triangulation, and it is very, very unhealthy.

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My take from all these opinions and suggestions is that it is absolutely OK to say something. They are all so good that I read one and think, “I’m going to do it that way”. Then I read the next and think the same thing.

But I going to do,what you suggest, hopefully today…find out from younger son what conversation he “heard” or what transpired and get back with everyone.

thank you all!

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I guess I’m confused with how this all started in the first place. The two obviously had a conversation. The painting exchanged hands. It seems like the younger brother really failed to make it clear he expected payment.
OP mentioned older brother can “take advantage “. That should not be too hard to suss out honestly.
I’d just advise the younger brother to deal with it. If he didn’t make it clear he expected payment, it’s on him. So he either asks now or just lets it go and considers it a gift.

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Obviously a misunderstanding–tell the older brother and let him take it from there.

Probably has already been said, but son with painting should offer to pay whatever son who created painting asks. Period.

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I wouldn’t approach it with attitude - completely unnecessary. This guy sells paintings for a living - he messed up this transaction. I agree if it’s that important to him he should request payment, but I wouldn’t want something like this to turn into estrangement.
This is a good example of a time to use your words.

Agreed! No attitude intended, just a good opportunity to be transparent about the work put in to create the piece and a good opportunity to realize and honor said work. :wink:

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Painting is only a hobby that makes a little side cash.

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To emphasize @brantly 's comment, triangulation is not healthy. If you DO get involved, I would suggest telling your sons you won’t in the future. It really isn’t fair to expect you to, and I think they would agree.

It’s also a good opportunity to explain that assumptions are dangerous. I really think they are the main reason for misunderstandings. It’s not fair to get upset at someone if expectations aren’t laid out clearly.

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Ok, so just spoke with younger son. He said that his brother asked him for the painting and he would pay him, but they didn’t discuss amount or when the transaction would be complete. Younger son said he is aggravated and isn’t planning on saying anything to him, because now he can hang it over his head. Whatever that means, LOL!

He said annoyingly (to me) not to say anything to brother. I told him the conversation I had with his brother and it just sounded as if he thought it was given to him. I didn’t let on anything that I even knew about the conversation they had. Just admired the painting.

But like I said, older son can take advantage of situations. This all happened at Thanksgiving. I told younger son that if nothing has happened yet, it won’t.

But I did tell him (I think this was @deb922 suggestion), that the painting has stayed in the family and now his brother can show it off that his little brother painted it. He seemed to find that acceptable and said it was just sitting in his room for years. But he’s still mad, I can tell.

So, that’s that. It’s too bad for older son. These are the things that cause resentments in families.

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Boy, I have a lot of thoughts, but I’ll keep it at you’ve done what you can do without getting overly enmeshed in their relationship so it is what it is. Younger son wants to avoid conflict so older son will keep “taking advantage.” :woman_shrugging:t4:

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It may be a hobby but it sounds like it is a TALENT. He sells other paintings - it’s a side hustle. And talent and time are deserving of credit - praise or $$ - to the artist.

To me there can be a little blame both ways. But I am personally more negatively affected that older brother may be taking advantage of younger brothers product and talent.

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No, he won’t. Younger son won’t agree to anything anymore with him. He’s lost his trust, and probably some respect.