I’m a sophomore transfer at Cornell, and I’m thinking of transferring back to my prior university. My main reason is that it’s a month in, and I feel like I have no close friends and everyone else does, and I just feel like I don’t belong as much (partly because of the lack of good friends). I’m missing my old friend squad at my old school and I talk to them every day. I’m just afraid I won’t have as close of friends at Cornell. I know the “friends” issue shouldn’t be a huge deal but it’s made me super depressed and it’s been hard to study and concentrate. I feel super alone and it seems like everyone has their own friend group. I have a ton of class friends but I feel like I’m getting clingy when I keep trying to find a way to hang out with them in a non-academic setting.
Everything that could’ve gone wrong went wrong in the transfer process too I didn’t get placed in West Campus or in a suite, like I requested/wanted. I understand it happens, but I feel like most transfers live in West and a suite would’ve really helped. There’s only 5 transfers in my hall, and their all older. I’ve tried looking for the other transfers in my building, but we don’t vibe as well/or they have their other groups. My roommate is also way older (the roommate is nice and we get along pretty well, but we’re not best friends and I’m not really expecting that).
I had a quasi group of friends, but that kinda disappeared now on me because of some petty drama. I feel like everyone likes my other friend more than me. And I don’t get along with this friend as much, because their always in the library and I like studying with other people and going out (which I;m not able to do as much because I don’t have anyone to go out with). I’m trying my best to find friends and make the most of it, but it seems hopeless. I’ve been joining clubs and organizations, and I might even take on a sport, but it just seems hopeless since it’s already a month in and everyone seems to have their groups already. Does anyone have any advice or do any former transfers have any experiences they’d like to share? I’ve just been really lost lately. Ive also been getting rejected from a lot of clubs, which hasn’t really improved my spirits. And I’m worried that the winter is gonna worsen my depression even further. If I had a stable friend group that was like my family like at my old school, none of this would be a problem but I don’t have that and I’m feeling so lonely.
That is one of the risks of transferring. Get out and stay busy. Get a campus job, join a group that does volunteer stuff, join activities and clubs. If you had the academic chops to transfer to Cornell, you can do this! Give it time… You have been there a month.
Hey! As a fellow sophomore at Cornell I can relate to the problem of finding close friends around here. It took me a lot longer than most people to make friends which was quite discouraging because of how extroverted I am. (This time last year I had one friend and we weren’t even close). Eventually you’ll find some people that you can really connect with but it can take a while. One of my friends was in the same boat as you, feeling a lot closer to his friends at home. He really wanted to transfer to a school local to his home. One of our mutual friends became closer with him and asked him to at least try Cornell out for a year, and if he still hated it then maybe that would be the time to transfer out. Needless to say they became close friends and he loves it here now.
The social life here is really weird. If your not into partying there’s not a lot that most people do for fun. Which I honestly have never understood as I love going for walks, shopping, going out to eat, playing video games, going to guest lectures that I’m interested in hearing from, going to the museum exhibits, cooking ect… Almost everyone I know is in a Fraternity or Sorority which takes a lot of their time and that is how friend groups often become so clicky.
I, like you, try to become friends with most people that I meet especially if I know that we something in common. Unfortunately it never works in my favor. I have 2 close friends that I am lucky to have but both of them are quite different from me in that they are introverted. Because of this, I never really end up being able to go out and do the things or go to the events that I want to. And If I do go to them, its rarely a shared experience with a friend.
One thing is for sure, I’ve never become friends with someone from a class of mine or anyone in my major. I’m not really sure why that’s never worked out but it hasn’t.
But if you’re looking for a friend, I’m always looking for friends too!
Sign up for a gym class you have interest in. Get a job working at a library, gym. In the fall there are a lot of fraternity parties that are open to the general public. While the weather is still nice, instead of studying in your room, go to a library.
It is not easy to get adjusted to a new environment, especially when you are a new kid. When we moved to a new country when my younger daughter was a junior in high school, she cried everyday for a month until she made few friends. She used to tell me she didn’t have anyone to hang out during breaks or lunch. She ended up having two very best years. It was very hard for her to leave her friends to come back to US to go to college.
Certain activities foster close friendships. For example, Cornell Daily Sun. Are you interested in that? You don’t have to write. You can do photography, design, advertising sales, marketing, videography.
OP, please give it some time, although I am not discounting your loneliness. My D is a freshman at Cornell and is introverted by nature, and so she has been really working hard to put herself out there by joining clubs and such. She goes to the gym most days of the week and sees the same kids on the elliptical and they have become friendly, but have not hung out with each other yet. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. She has a couple of friends on her floor that she goes to dinner with but they don’t hang out much. She has joined two clubs, both of which had a lengthy application process but she was accepted, so that did lots of good for her! I’m sure this is where most of her good friends will be made. Most of the kids in the one club really like to party and have invited her and the other new freshman to their house parties. She went and had fun, despite not drinking. She said they don’t put pressure on her to drink/smoke so she is OK with that. Partying is not her thing, so I don’t know how many more she will attend, but at least it’s a start. She also joined the Cornell Bread Club and she said that there are a few transfer students in there who are really nice. She said it’s very de-stressing to do a non-academic activity. My D is a very nice girl and I know she is wanting to find that one good connection. I’m confident that she will find it, but it may take time. I don’t think she is going to do the Greek thing but who knows? Same with you. It will all work out in time. If you want to PM me, I can give you her contact info. No pressure though.
Give it a year! Our son, who is now a Junior, transferred to Cornell as a Sophomore. His phone calls home sounded just like your post above. He even completed everything necessary to transfer back to our local state school. I picked him up a few days before Christmas '14, and moved him home. He was home for less than 24 hours when he called me, at work, and told me he had made a terrible mistake. He hadn’t realized the opportunity that he had given up until he got home. Luckily for him, his withdrawal had not been completed in the system so he was able to get everything back (dorm, classes & job) He has since joined a fraternity and is now an officer. He even stayed and worked/researched on a Cornell Farm this past summer. Work hard on your grades and finding other activities that interest you! It’s hard, we all go through rough times in new environments. Keep your chin up and have faith in yourself! The social aspects will work out! You are working on an Ivy League Degree and no one will be able to take that away from you!
I too was a transfer, back in 1975. It was very lonely, because I didn’t have those freshman bonds. But I knew I had transferred to Cornell for a more rigorous education, and I knew that being an Ivy League graduate would guarantee me the kind of prestige and graduate school opportunities I wanted so badly. Fortunately, I was an athlete, and I created fellowships with my teammates (track and football). I focused on my academics and my sports as my primary social activities. I also became close to those professors whose values mattered the most to me. Trust me when I say that your professors absolutely care about your development, both academically and personally. Some of them came to my games and my track meets, and supported me. It brings tears to my eyes now, thinking about how much they cared about me. The result is that I became involved with student government, Philosophy Club and History Club (I was a double major), and got amazing recommendations for graduate school and law school. I became a Rhodes Scholar finalist because the faculty thought so highly of me! I didn’t party a lot – I was a “jock nerd” – but a got more out of my time at Cornell than most fraternity party rats. STICK WITH IT; IT PAYS OFF.
My son is a soph transfer too. He has explored many activities and starting the process
to make friends too. There are so many activities at Cornell, try them until you meet like minded people.
Also, I recall move in weekend, we tried the cafeteria as guests.
I looked for students eating alone and told my son to go join them.
There are always others in the same boat, you just need to find a few
you can connect to.
Post your interests here, maybe other new students
can PM to you and connect ?
PS My son also did not get West Campus, but he seems
ok with it. At least you don’t have to walk up that hill !
Thanks for the comments everyone. I really am trying harder, but my situation hasn’t improved much. I’m still trying - I’m involved in more activities but it’s very rough. If any of you have stories of transferring or more advice, I would def appreciate it. I’m in a really rough place now and am contemplating transferring again next year.
Cornellian – I’m going to maybe offer contrary advice. I will start by saying it sort of depends on your old school and what they have to offer you there if you go back. I don’t know all that so that tempers my advice a little.
But I want to tell you a true story that supports your gut feelings and my first sentence above. At my college I had an acquaintance who wanted to transfer to a top Ivy and this person did. After 1 semester this person decided it wasn’t what the person had hoped for and the person transferred back. Back at our school the person was happy and extremely productive and this person ended up being a very successful journalist and author.
It takes courage to transfer and it takes courage to transfer back. Try and be clear headed with your decision, talk to people who truly want what’s best for you, and don’t let how you think people will think about you affect your decision. Best of luck to you.
Update on the situation: Everything is going for me at Cornell except for the fact that I lack close friends. I’m super involved, have leadership, fantastic grades, and I’m on track to even graduate early.
But I feel like I’m going through the same routine and when you don’t have friends, life in college feels meaningless even if everything else is going well. I see what I could have at my old school, and I miss my old friends so much. I’ve never felt more comfortable. Transferring back to my old school would disrupt this and there definitely wouldn’t have the same opportunities, but maybe if I was happy enough, I could strive to reach the same level? Idk. What are yalls thoughts?
As a fellow sophomore at Cornell I can relate to the problem of finding close friends around here. It took me a lot longer than most people to make friends which was quite discouraging because of how extroverted I am. (This time last year I had one friend and we weren’t even close). Eventually you’ll find some people that you can really connect with but it can take a while. One of my friends was in the same boat as you, feeling a lot closer to his friends at home. He really wanted to transfer to a school local to his home. One of our mutual friends became closer with him and asked him to at least try Cornell out for a year, and if he still hated it then maybe that would be the time to transfer out. Needless to say they became close friends and he loves it here now.