Thinking about transferring out of Cornell

Transfer Students
1

Recently just finished the first semester of sophomore year and I have been so unhappy at school that I’ve been depressed for the last three months. I feel like I can’t find my place here and that I just don’t fit in here. Overall, I was pretty content last year but it started to deteriorate more and more as the year went on. I thought that was natural and that summer break would be refreshing and that I could have a new mindset going into sophomore year. However, it just seems to get worse and worse and the main thing that are keeping me from transferring for sure is that I’m a comp sci major in Engineering and I know that Cornell has one of the best CS programs and I’m afraid that any other school that I could transfer into would be a downgrade and that my job prospects after graduation would take a hit. I’m not sure if I should just tough out 2 more years and hope things will get better for the benefits of the degree or potentially sacrifice that for a new environment which will likely make me happier. There are many reasons to why I feel like I’m so unhappy here.

  1. Socially isolating. The social scene is so predominantly Greek. I’m not interested in that whatsoever but I’ve even seriously considering joining a frat just to try to fit in. It seems like kids are either the ones that are in a frat or sorority and party at the houses and annexes on weekends or kids that stay in on weekends doing homework, playing video games, or watching tv. There’s nothing wrong with either but it sucks when you want to have fun once in a while but aren’t interested in joining a frat. Most of my close friends go to state schools and I know they often have house parties and stuff which lets them have more options than just joining a frat to have fun on the weekends. Due to this, weekends are just pretty boring for me. Also, I feel like I don’t connect all the way to the most of the friends I make here. Most of my friends are in engineering due to circumstance and they are mostly just so focused on school that they don’t want to hang out normally or down to do stuff on the weekends. They are also seem judgmental and close minded and seem to disapprove of people not studying constantly. After all this time, I’ve only made one friend who I truly relate to who and he also feels similarly to how I do. I went to high school at a non prestigious public school and the kids here just seem soooo different than what I’m used to. Ithaca is also pretty boring as there seems to be nothing to do. I even Brought a car to campus but me and friends usually just drive to go eat and stuff. I want to make new friends and meet more people but it’s quite hard as most people already have their social circles after freshmen year and kids I meet usually hit me up once in a while but then go back to the groups they’re comfortable with.

  2. School. I’m not doing too bad (3.35 GPA) and I usually don’t mind a challenge and the rigor but the CS/engineering workload here is quite insane. I would be okay with this if I had a fulfilling social life but I don’t so it just seems like my life is school, school, studying, and studying. This gets depressing. Kids here are also sooo cutthroat. One of my closer friends here literally wouldn’t even send me extra practice problems for a final he received somehow just because it would possibly help me do better on a curved test.

Anyways, I don’t know how to proceed with this as I’m not sure if I should just tough out 2 more years with the chance that I will keep being miserable for a good degree that will most likely give me an initial advantage for my career. I also know that the grass always seems greener on the other side so I’m not even 100% convinced that I really will be happier somewhere else, although I do think I will be a much better fit at other schools. I don’t know if I’m depressed just because I’m depressed and that I’m subconsciously attributing it to me not being happy at school or that school is what is causing my depression. I’ve just recently thought about transferring so I’m not sure what my options are yet but some schools I was thinking of were UMich, USC, UCLA, UC Berk, and Upenn. I have a 3.35 GPA with a few extracurricular so I don’t know how my chances are for transferring into these schools.

2

Also another thing is that I get quite a bit of financial aid from Cornell so I may potentially have to pay a lot more to go to other schools which is also something that is discouraging me from transferring.

3

Dear holi47 - I am a parent who happened to be perusing through CC and came upon your post. I felt compelled to reply. I’m sorry your having a difficult time at Cornell. I used to work as a therapist in a college counseling office, and would work with lots of students with struggles similar to yours. You are certainly not alone. I encourage you to go to the counseling office where you can get some help and advice. I know from experience, that’s what they’re there for, and they deal with these type of issues all the time. I’m sure they can help.
For what it’s worth, a suggestion - do what makes you happy. Sure, transferring can cause it’s own troubles (i.e. applying to new schools, making new friends, money, potentially attending a lower ranked school, etc). However, college is about exploration, and finding yourself. If you feel stifled and unhappy where you are, maybe taking a chance on someplace else maybe a worthwhile risk. Nonetheless, you should talk to someone, bat the idea around, and get some feedback form others, be it counselors, friends, parents, clergy, etc. Again, you are not alone in this - there’s plenty of support to help you get through this. Good luck!

4

Sorry to hear about your challenges. In addition to some excellent thoughts above from @LICSW, here are a few…
(1) “I’m afraid that any other school that I could transfer into would be a downgrade and that my job prospects after graduation would take a hit.”: Definitely not, especially not at the schools you listed above. From any of those schools you can find a good opportunity…with CS/CE background.
(2) You’re right that financial aid is hard to come in case of a transfer.
(3) I would take a two pronged strategy…One, try to address current challenges by seeking help; Two, research and submit a few transfer applications. You can always make the decision of whether to transfer or not after getting decisions back. At least it keeps your options open. There is also so much you will learn in the process, and you may very well ultimately decide to finish at Cornell. Good luck!

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5

One of my biggest regrets about my undergraduate college was that I didn’t take time off or consider transferring out when I was burned out. I powered through. It worked for me because I had a bunch of close friends who I knew I would miss terribly if I left, but it was a bad choice academically.

Go to the counseling center, and talk through your options with someone there. Apply to some cheap home-state public Us or other places that you know your family can pay for with less aid than Cornell is giving you. Get in your car, and go look for some community project you can get involved in in Ithaca. When I was there for grad school, there were tons of things to do in town. I knew plenty of people who got active with something there rather than spending all of their time on campus.

Wishing you all the best!

6

@holi47 Make sure you articulate well the reasons why you want to transfer. You need to focus on what social, academic, professional opportunities Cornell cannot provide you that your desired school will. Of course transfer admissions to Penn and other ivies are rather hard so cast a wide net.

7

I disagree with the idea of transferring. Before you know it your sophomore year will be over. You will be half way done. You have a great financial situation and although you don’t love it, Cornell will give you a great future. Dig deep and finish. Not everybody loves their college experience and hopefully you will have a wonderful grad school experience, job, or future living situation. I second the posters who have said to seek counseling. Find some coping skills, enjoy your upcoming vacation and try to relax about it all once you are away from school between semesters. Good luck.

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If your parents are contributing to your education I would suggest talking with them over break about how you are feeling.

9

Talk with a counselor. Talk with your parents over break.
You do sound miserable so I don’t see what harm there is in trying to transfer. If you don’t get in or its not affordable, you won’t be worse off.
What state are you from?

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No school with give anyone a great future. That’s not how it works. OP, I think you should look into transfer options next semester and apply to a few. If they end up being unaffordable or you don’t get accepted, then you’ll just have to finish out your time there at Cornell. Getting help from the counseling center would help if that’s the final result.

11

I’m no foe of transferring if things are not working out. My D2 did it, and it worked out great for her.
But in her case, she transferred to Cornell. Where she had a great social life while still working hard, did lots of (non-vocational) extracurriculars as well as part-time jobs, did not find it “socially isolating”, and basically loved it there. She went to Collegetown parties quite often, and also threw them with her friends, so I don’t know where you are coming from there.

In your case, I think I know what you need, but I can’t help you get it.

The good news is that If you stay, the perception of Greek omnipresence will die down for you. As an upperclassman the frats will likely not be a material part of your life at all anymore. They will not be recruiting you anymore, and the people from your dorm who went to them will just be there, as if they vanished.

The frats provide their members with a built-in set of social activities, and a built-in group of people to do them with. If you’re into it, and you fit, they can be great. It makes social life easy. Everyone else (ie the majority of people) has to make their own social life. There is stuff to do, but you have to take initiative to find it, and get people to do it with. That’s harder than having it all done for you. But that’s also more like real life, after college, for everyone. If you can figure this out now, it will help you later on.

If you don’t gain these skills, you might not have a better time socially at the place you transfer to. So IMO you should work on this in any event. maybe with the help of a counselor.

The bad news is, junior year will likely also be quite challenging academically . It might be more interesting to you, since you start properly on your major, but it will still probably be tough. Senior year it may get somewhat easier, surprisingly. At least that’s how I found it, years ago.

Wherever you go, you have to maintain a social life, including extracurricular activities, maybe part-time jobs, and just fun. I didn’t do that, but I should have. My study habits were horrible. I wasted all sorts of time that would have been better spent on having a life. You need to have a social life too. You should make this a priority starting next semester. No matter if you are staying or going.

If at the end of the day you really can’t balance things without going nuts, then maybe you do need an easier school.
There’s nothing wrong with that. But be careful about transferring to a place that’s just as hard.

Transferring is sort of a do-over socially, so maybe that could be good for you. but it’s hard at first to befriend the people who started as freshman, because they already have established their social network. Consequently a lot of your network will likely be drawn form fellow transfers. So a school that has a sizable transfer cohort might be good for you. But you still need the social skills to succeed socially, anyplace. Otherwise you might have virtually the same experience but just at a different school.

When my D2 transferred, she knew she was transferring into a better situation for her.
You need that too. Else you run the risk of finding yourself in virtually the same circumstances someplace else.

12

I don’t know what your living situation is like now, but going forward you might want to seek a relatively intimate living environment. Like an apartment with other people, in a house with other apartments. Such situation was central to D2s social life. Or a coop could be good for you.

Regardless of the school.

13

Just a guess here, but the odds of transferring to the UC’s with that GPA will be extremely difficult. The UC transfers generally favor instate junior college transfers, and unless you have a good academic or family reason to transfers, it will be an uphill battle, particularly since your major is one of the most competitive. The inter-quartile admit range for Cal comp sci is a 3.8-4.0; UCLA is similar. Unless you are a state resident, the UC’s don’t have great finaid. Michigan is not known for great finaid either.

https://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/infocenter/transfers-major

Transferring to Penn & USC with a 3.3 is also highly unlikely. Not to mention that USC is even more greek-like than Cornell.

You should just set your sights on transferring ‘down’. Or better, follow the advice in post #2.

fwiw: As a low-income student, social life IS difficult at a college where half of the student body is in the top 5%'res, i.e., full pay. But that will be no different at other private colleges.

14

“I usually don’t mind a challenge and the rigor but the CS/engineering workload here is quite insane.”

Of the schools on your tentative list, some of them (eg, Berkeley and Michigan) are not going to be any easier. I am not sure that any of them will be any easier. Also, I don’t understand why these other schools would solve the problems that you have with Cornell either. It is not unheard of for very smart engineering students at top schools to find their social life challenging.

The reality is that a CS or engineering program at a highly ranked university is going to be very academically challenging. The upside is of course that you will end up with a degree that will be highly respected, in a practical field, that is very likely to be a big help in getting you a good job and a good career.

I know how hard it is to keep up the required level of work for four full years, with relatively little encouragement. I was there for my own four years many decades ago. In fact your post looks like something I could have written a bit over 40 years ago, except that there wasn’t an Internet then.

It will get much better. Whether it gets better before you graduate with your bachelor’s degree is another issue, and hard to predict. Your might want to try on-line dating (which might or might not help), but otherwise I suspect that your best bet is to stick it out, and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if it is 2 1/2 years away.

15

How about you transfer into CS+x or U/x in CALS?

16

I’d suggest you start thinking of college as a job if you can. Attending Cornell with a great financial package is not something to flush so easily. And, like a job, you may not love it but it helps you meet your goals. Education is a passage to help you meet your goals of employment and financial stability. As for the social aspects, which IMHO should not carry the same weight as the academic challenge when choosing a college, counseling might help you find out why you are not finding your “people”. They are there, you just aren’t finding them. And, in the scope of life, two more years will pass in a flash. A degree from Cornell U will be well worth it. Congratulations for getting in and keep up the good work!

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Re #15, I remember a friend was in a very demanding job he did not love, he was advised to take his satisfaction from his life outside of work.

Problem is, OP is not getting that either.

Re #13, I could have written it too, at times. And I know exactly what times they were. They were when I was not succeeding socially. And also when I was not succeeding academically. When those fronts were going ok or better, I was fine. Or better than fine.With the same workload, and the same prevailing social scene. The problem wasn’t really the environment, it was me.

I agree with #15, the right people are there, and for whatever reason OP has not found them.
That’s why I think OP should really focus on improving his non-academic situation next semester.

Though the workload is demanding, there * is* time to have a more satisfying social experience than OP has found for himself so far. OP should carve that time out and focus on what might make him happy, or happy enough, where he is. Counseling might help with that.

I do believe though that at some point, if it is not going to happen there, for whatever reason, after really trying to fix things, leaving can improve one’s situation. It helped my D2. But it has to be done intelligently, to someplace that is really likely to be better for OP.

It would be better to fix things, on the social/activities side, where OP is now though. And I think this is possible.

18

I am sorry that you are not happy, but I agree with @NEPatsGirl that this is just another 5 semesters, which is really an extremely short amount of time in a life that may last another 70 or more years. Go talk to the counseling center and try to work through it. You are doing well, in a rigorous program that you still want to pursue and with a lot of FA. I would counsel to try and power through it. If you want to take a semester off and take classes at a local school that will transfer back, maybe for your gen ed requirements, look into that, or look into a study abroad program to reduce the amount of time you spend on campus. IF you wanted to change majors or didn’t like your program, I might say to look into transferring but if the program is an academic fit, stick with it.

I HATED my entire college experience. I went to a local commuter college. Although I was a top student, my parents hadn’t put aside one cent for my college, refused to pay from current income and wouldn’t sign for loans. I had nobody to advise me on how to find funding or scholarships. I was so miserable, but every day I told myself, this will end and I will get into law school and have the grown up life I want. Those 4 years ended over 30 years ago and when I think back on it, it was a tribute to my resiliency that I got through it.

You can do it too. Just look to the future.

Good luck and do please talk to a counselor.

19

@holi47 sorry you’re having a rough time.
My suggestion is to stay the course as you may not improve your situation outside of Cornell. I agree that it can be isolating living in Ithaca but that’s where you have to put in the work to develop and maintain social relationships. High school is different and I read a lot here on CC about kids who complain how they’re not making friends or that the friends they do make in college isn’t the same as in high school. In HS your friends go back to your middle school days and even as far back as elementary school so you have a different bond. In college, you’re not going to forge deep relationships like your childhood ones right away. It takes time and with everyone having their own academic schedule in college you’re not seeing the same people over and over everyday and having lunch with them either. Wait until you graduate and are working in the real world. Your chances of making deep friendships go down even further than college. That’s the way life is.
Keep in mind you’re also in a major and school that’s very competitive and the type of students you’re in classes with are going to be studious and not super social. This is where you will have to make an effort to join a club and make different type of friends who aren’t CS/engineering students.

I hope you can seek help for your depression and I wish you the best.

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^ an aspect of your life (other students, therefore academic and social interactions ) would change if you tried to switch to UX - look into it.