A little bit of background about my situation: I am from the midwest but decided to attend the University of Vermont over the University of Michigan because I was worried I’d be overwhelmed at such a big school and I wanted to reconnect with friends I knew that were going to UVM.
From the beginning, I had a hard time finding my place there. Friends would come and go, and I wasn’t enjoying my classes. At the end of the fall semester of freshman year, I decided to transfer to Michigan State. But at the last minute, I got cold feet and decided to give UVM one more semester. During that time, I started dating my boyfriend, whom I care about immensely. With him there, I have less alone time to feel sad and have more fun. However, I still don’t feel like I ‘fit’ in there and like I’m not getting the experience I want.
Being in Vermont, UVM is a very pot-friendly environment, which is great for some people, but it’s not really my style. Because of this, there are fewer parties and more ‘stoner circles’. I joined many clubs at the beginning but found myself unmotivated to stick with them. I started playing Ultimate Frisbee which was an achievement given my disdain for athletics, but eventually, I quit that too. I’ve made some friends and started taking acting courses, but still, I feel unfulfilled.
So my question is: do I transfer to a school that is closer to home, I have more friends at, is cheaper, and would challenge me academically, or do I stay at the school my boyfriend attends that I don’t really like?
would it be fair to re-phrase your question as "should I give up everything that I think is important for my education, financial stability and general well being in order to stay with a guy that I have known for 4 months* with whom I am less lonely but still “unfulfilled”?
*(2 of which we have probably been apart)
What would you do if there was no boyfriend?
If you would transfer, then transfer!
Transfer. This is the 21st century. The two of you already know about Zoom and Facetime and all that. If my parents could keep a relationship going long distance in the late 1940’s with just letters, you two can keep your relationship going if you really want to.
What does your “best life” look like? Go after that. Don’t settle.
Godspeed.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Why are you joining clubs and then not continuing? Why did you drop frisbee? There are kids who smoke at every college btw…
Before you decide to stay or go, I’d suggest figuring out if you’re ready to deploy the skills you’ll need to use in order to be happy at your new college. Otherwise, you’re just trading one unhappy experience for another.
The BF seems like a red herring. You’ve known each other for a couple of months? That doesn’t seem like a good reason to stay. But don’t transfer until you’re mentally ready to throw yourself into a new environment where yes- joining clubs (and going to the activities) and meeting new people and putting yourself out there is going to be what’s required to make friends. YOU"ll be the new person; everyone else already did that freshman year.
UVM is a good university in an attractive location. However, it is expensive if you are out of state (not quite as bad if you get a presidential merit scholarship) and just like every other university it is definitely not for everyone.
I agree with others that you should assume that you will break up with your boyfriend soon, and figure out where you would be best off if he was not in the picture. To me it sounds like you have already said that the answer is Michigan.