Please read this before judging because I know how it sounds:
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and things are really going well. He is in his second year at one of the best state schools in my state (~10k/yr tuition) and I am just starting my first year at a more prestigious, private out-of-state school (~75k/yr tuition). We are about 8 hours from each other, and that is no issue for us as we are handling things well.
When committing to a college, I got accepted to both the one I attend now and the one my boyfriend attends. My parents really encouraged me to go to the more prestigious school and assured that they could cover the cost with good financial aid. We filled out the FASFA a bit late so I had to commit before seeing the actual aid but assumed I would get aid. Fast forwards to the end of summer and we still haven’t heard back from my current school about aid. The week of move in, we found that I had been given very, very minimal aid (my family is not wealthy by any means but invests in real estate, which the school counted heavily against us). My parents were worried but decided they wanted me to go to this very nice school so they will do whatever they can.
Now that I think back on it, I don’t think I ever really even liked my school. I just felt that since it was the most well recognized out of all my acceptances I should go there and my parents really pushed for this school. I committed without even visiting the campus. As I learned more about the school I discovered that the social life here is not great, the department for my major is very underdeveloped, and to make matters worse student body is super preppy and snotty. I have made lots of friends and have had a lot of fun so far, yet it just doesn’t feel like a place I can call home for the next four. I think I made the wrong choice.
I have visited my boyfriends school countless times before I even knew him. I fell in love with it instantly and everything about it seems perfect for me. It has a very active social scene, the department for my major is one of the best in the Northeast, and everyone there is very down to earth and normal. On top of that, I could pay for all 4 years at that school with the money it takes for less than two years at my current school. My parents don’t want to admit it but they’re going to be in debt if I stay here. I really want to lighten the load on them WITHOUT having to rely on student loans. I talked to my parents and they are supportive of me transferring for the spring semester to that school if it really is what I want to do.
Everything about this situation seems like the best choice financially and emotionally would be to transfer. I just don’t want everyone I know, including my boyfriend, to see me as just following him to his school after a few months of dating. Even if he didn’t go there I would still want to transfer. Even if we split id want to stay there. I told my boyfriend about the situation and he said he understood why it made sense but I could tell he was a bit taken aback when I said I might transfer to his school. I want to make myself happy and help my parents, but I don’t want me transferring to me misinterpreted as a stupid teen in love. What should I do from here? Help!
Forget about your boyfriend. Expect the relationship to end soon (although it might not). Think about the financial aspects versus the opportunities that each school provides. When talking to adults about this, be clear that you are looking at the schools and the finances.
What is your intended major, or potential majors? Can you tell us the name of the schools?
In most cases, “prestige” is not worth $100,000 or more (in this case it looks like we are talking about a LOT more). Many in-state public schools provide an excellent education in a wide range of potential majors.
Farmers, small business owners, and parents who own rental properties usually cannot afford to sent their kids to private universities. To me this is lousy, but it is the way that things work in the US.
If the cheaper university is right for you without your boyfriend, and you still can withdraw from the expensive one without generating an academic transcript, and without owing money for the semester, think about that option. Leaving now before classes start might be the wisest choice of all. If it is too late for you to leave and get your money back, focus on getting the best grades that you can, so that when you transfer out your expensive classes will count for something.
Making wise financial decisions is a mature thing to do. You don’t need your boyfriend’s permission and you don’t have to explain your decision to others. If you want to say anything you could say the finances work better and leave it at that.
Ask your parents to help you withdraw from your current university right away. Contact the registrar, housing, and the office that handles the meal plans. Then see if the state school will let you start this year. There’s no need to borrow money you can’t afford.
With so much $ on the line, your best bet is to withdraw from current college Today.
This only works to save you $ if you officially withdraw and follow exact rules as stated by current college. You most likely will have to give written notice, and there may be financial aid forms to sign to cancel student loans.
Multiple departments on campus will need to be notified. Keep records of all your communications. And with every conversation, ask “is there anything else i need to do?” And “what other departments do i need to contact to withdraw?”
Housing, Financial Aid, Bursar, Dining Services, just some of the departments that you may need to contact.
1 is you need to speak with your parents. I don't get the impression you understand yet how they plan to pay for the current college. You also do not know if you can be re-admitted to the other school. Or, by what process (if you've now started.)
More than that, nearly all of your description here is framed about your boyfriend, even describing the other college as “my boyfriend’s school.” You seem to be trying to justify that your dept isn’t so great, the social life isn’t so hot (how would anyone know after a few days?) Etc.
If you understood so little about your current college, before starting, I don’t know how you claim to know so much about the other school. So yes, it does seem this is all about the boyfriend and a yearning to be with him. Or at least, a “grass is greener” thinking-- after hardly any time where you are.
You seem to have a much bigger problem than the boyfriend. You and your parents did not prepare well for college finances. Who attends a college sight unseen, with no clue about how to pay for it, simply based on prestige?
Very wealthy parents can make that kind of foolish decision, but it sounds like this college bill will cripple your family. Parent Loans require good credit, and have to be reapplied for every year. At some point, you could get stranded. No loans mean no college. And student loans will then come due, even if you do not earn a degree.
If you owe money to prestigious college, you will not be able to transfer to state school. You do not want to be in that dire situation.
Talk to your parents today. You might have the chance to withdraw officially if you act quickly.
Worry about the boyfriend AFTER you fix the college thing.
You will most likely freak out this boyfriend, and yet your best move is his state school. If he doesn’t break up with you, there are things you can do once you arrive on his campus. Focus on making your own friendships, activities and give him plenty of space. Do not bring up future commitments between the two of you. Don’t tell him as much as SHOW him by your actions that education and finances are the reasons you switched schools. Good luck!
This is kind of funny, usually I have to talk kids out of going to the expensive schools. Boyfriend or not, if you got short-changed from a private school (happens ALL the time), then you’re not obligated to go there, especially if you’re put off by snooty students. It’s not reasonable for you or your parents to take out a 300k loan to pay for a bachelors degree. Unless the degree says M.D. at the end, you’re wasting your money on a degree that is accredited exactly the same as a state university.
Have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents, and really, it doesn’t have anything to do with your boyfriend. This is purely a matter of affordability. You’re handling this with a lot of maturity for someone coming out of high school.
Coolguy- nobody is obligated to go anywhere EXCEPT OP has already shown up from the sound of it, is living in the dorm, has registered for classes, and has swiped her ID at the cafeteria. So in addition to whatever enrollment contract she and her parents have signed, she is in fact obligated. (you order a meal at a restaurant. Nobody forced you to go there, but once you’ve ordered, you owe them money. That’s how it works).
OP- do NOTHING until you sit down with someone in the bursar’s office to figure out how to transfer with a minimum amount of financial loss. It won’t be zero- you can’t just withdraw or transfer and say “oops”. But someone can help you figure out how minimize what you owe for dorms, food, registration, health fee/health insurance, athletic fees, etc. if you withdraw now, and how much you will owe if you stay for the semester and then transfer.
Then talk to your parents. Have a spreadsheet ready to answer all their questions. But don’t start applying to transfer somewhere else until you see how to minimize the financial hit as best you can.
so the parents knew they needed good financial aid but somehow couldn’t get around to applying for it on time. Prior to enrolling the student didn’t visit or try to get a sense of what it was like to be a student there (no social life, preppy, snobby) nor to look at what the department for her major offered.
But she is sure all will be great at State. Financially, sure, but am I the only one thinking this is another impulsive decision?
No, presenting this as being about finances doesn’t make it magically into ‘well thought out.’ OP doesnt have the other admit in hand. Doesnt seem to have a plan.
What do you care what people think? Of course it looks like you are following your boyfriend there. So what? What difference does it make? People think what they please and to certain automatic conclusions. You ARE following your boyfriend to the school he is attending. So what? You going to explain to everyone who might think he’s the only reason you are transferring there, You are not going to have the time to explain the whole reason to every and any one. You just focus on what you need to do. And stop worrying g about what people may be thinking