But is it a blue circle surrounded by red? I found that to be the case in many of the states, with the college towns being different from the state, a blue island surrounded by red. People have been pointing that out to the OP (who I assume is from SC) that the colleges will not be like the high schools especially if the school is of significant size. Some of the schools we looked at in NC/SC were in small towns and definitely not liberal leaning but the bigger schools didn’t come across that way.
There are more conservative areas in many states. Virginia is no exception. But, I randomly looked at a couple rankings of most conservative states. Virginia is not among them. And shows as more of a “blue state” overall in mapping of that issue.
I think referring to other’s religious beliefs as intolerant, is in fact intolerant. I am not a religious person at all.
But certain elements of a Atheism, Islam,Orthodox Judaism, Christianity, LDS and Eastern philosophies — you name it, can be dogmatic in their own unique ways. To each their own.
None of these religions make me do anything. And what they believe doesn’t impact me. When it does, that’s when the courts and police step in.
I agree with the posters who talk about considering large universities in your home state. At least have them as backups to other schools. Many good points. It can be a lot easier to find your peer group at the large U than trying to find the small U that is a more perfect match. A large percentage could be gung ho sports but there is room for those who don’t care about them. Greek dominance of a campus doesn’t matter to those who don’t care about it- there will be plenty of others like them.
Cheer up about where you raised your kids. Most of us “end up” where we find jobs and then stay for various reasons. There are always good and bad points for every location. Your kids may be ahead of those who were never exposed to the diversity/mismatch of your family with others around them. They already have had to think about their values- do they agree with yours or other kids who may be clueless about alternatives.
Finances trump everything. Check on the academics for a good fit with their abilities and interests.
Be warned- no matter which school, public or private, in whatever state, they could end up with that roommate who is on a different page. They do not need to be best (or so-so) friends, they just need to coexist nicely. I’ve read too many threads by parents whose experiences aren’t all perfect at the good fit school. So- midway into first semester at school X do not have regrets and wish you had steered your kids differently when life isn’t perfect.
Another take on the thread title. Yes- be sure your financial values are followed. No massive debt. Other values will be followed or not- that’s out of your control.
This sounds like us. We moved back to where my wife and I grew up when the kids were too little to remember anything else. In a lot of ways it’s been a great choice. It is a great community and grandparents and cousins are close by. But there are times where I scratch my head and wonder if we should have stayed somewhere a bit more in line with our values.
Oldest son has somewhat adopted the values of the area we live in, albeit a bit more moderately. He went to school out of state, but only 4 hours away to a community and school probably more conservative than his hometown. He is ok with that. I would rather see him exposed to some more liberal views just so he can see both sides, but it wasn’t my choice.
Son 2 is headed to an Ivy in a few months. This makes me happy, obviously because he got into an Ivy but also because he will be exposed to a completely different set of values the next 4 years. Not even saying right or wrong, just different. It also makes me sad, because we are pretty close and it is going to kill me to not see him very often. That’s the downside. Right now mom isn’t exactly thrilled with me either, because reality is starting to sink in that he is moving out probably for good in a bit over 3 months. And he’s an athlete, so I think he gets maybe 10 days at Christmas and a few weeks in the summer.
Kid 3 is pretty much like me. I was probably considered a social moderate / fiscal conservative when I lived in Greenwich Village, and I’m a flaming liberal here. She isn’t overly political, but she wants to be exposed to something different so does not want to stay in state.
And kid 4’s plan is to move to California the day after graduation to get out of here. But she is 12, so we will see how that really plays out.
Personally I think it is good for kids to get exposed to something different. For my family that is something more liberal. If you live in Greenwich Village then maybe a southern university would be a good thing. I think college is a place where you should be encouraged to challenge your beliefs. That is an important part of growing up. I’m not saying abandon your beliefs, but at least let them be challenged. Otherwise you are just a sheep (this applies to people on both sides).
We did not limit our D1 educational opportunities and college selection based our beliefs (although hers are similar too) but affordability…She was considering OOS so she had her list and we advised her to search a region where we had family nearby in case she needed to get away for short break or have a home cooked meal.
She chose to attend a well regarded womens college which met the small community criteria she wanted and challenges her academically.
In preparing for the transition to college life, we advised her to visit some Christian groups on campus to find friends with similar beliefs and to visit local churches in the area and find a home church. We did not expect her professors to mirror our beliefs but then again she was not going into a field like biology.
She’s very happy with her college decision and we’ve seen our quiet, studious, introverted daughter mature into a self-confident woman that still adheres to similar beliefs.
I think that while attending a small LAC doesn’t pertain, the search for school clubs for support and our experience with her attending OOS college does.
@SCTwinsMom asked “How important is it to help your child find a college that reflects the parents’ values or is in a community that reflects those values ?”
Unless you & your kids are practicing Mormons, it is not important.
I find it difficult to imagine situations in which this would be a significant consideration due to the breadth of diversity found at almost all national universities.
In another thread you said you wanted to avoid your state colleges because they’re party schools. I don’t believe all students at those types of colleges party. Even at schools that aren’t known for partying, if kids want to party they’ll find a way.
@Publisher, I don’t agree. I know a lot of parents who have required their kids to go to Catholic universities, or Baptist ones. It’s important to them. A friend picked Marquette years ago because her parents required a Catholic university and she wanted a school in a state with an 18 year old drinking age (obviously many years ago).
I do know LDS families who have preferred their kids to go to BYU (usually BYU-Idaho) but would have ‘allowed’ a local school too. Going to BYU was hard because it is far away and hard to get to.
And many Jewish parents don’t want their kid going to a school without a good oerceof other jews and an active Hillel. Many people I know ruled out some LACs because of the small number of Jews there.
Interesting that you found that they prefer the Idaho campus; most CJCLDS parents/students looking at BYU whom I have encountered prefer the Provo, UT campus, with the Idaho campus seen as a less selective backup. BYU’s relatively low cost does mean that parent/student preference in that direction is less likely to run into financial barriers than with some other religions and associated colleges.
These families may have preferred Provo, but the kids weren’t as strong academically. The Idaho campus is huge, 24k students. It is also very inexpensive.
Many parents would like their kids at schools where they’ll have a higher chance of dating the same sort. Mormons with Mormons, eg. Catholics with a high chance of finding Catholic partners. It’s not always about the temporary atmosphere.
OP, don’t apologize to your kids for instilling a belief system that you all willingly share. There will be plenty of times in life when they will have to stand up and act on what they believe, and at some point (soon) they will have to make life decisions that you may disagree with.
While I wound up at a flagship that didn’t jibe with my beliefs, you can be darned sure I moved to a place that did after finishing college!
I am a true agnostic but I still encourage my kid to attend church at his campus because I realize for many people, it comforts them to have a defined set of beliefs to follow. I try not to force anything on my kid, although I am willing to discuss why I believe what I do. The fact is I am always open to change my beliefs based on new evidence and different circumstances.
I think at the end of the day, we try to get through our lives relying on beliefs that help us better do that.
For the same reason why I did not excel in group academic settings, it’s hard for me to sit and listen to someone’s sermon for 40 minutes. But if my kid likes it and finds support from it, more power to him. In that sense, it wouldn’t bother me at all if my kid’s science teacher did not believe in evolution (but in intelligent design theory), as long as the teacher was willing to openly discuss the strengths and weak points of his beliefs and underlying assumptions.
Interesting conversation in light of recent events at Ole Miss - but while I’d find it surprising to see a pro confederate rally at a big campus in the northeast, Ole Miss students have also shown their opposition in various ways, seemingly supporting the notion that everyone finds their people no matter the location.
I’m a strong believer that young adults have to find their own paths. We are active Christians, but we don’t force anything on our kids. So one of them is literally a missionary, one has a strong faith, and one isn’t really interested at this point. It’s THEIR decision to make. We didn’t insist on any particular schools.
I remember my grandmother laughing at the idea of people sending their kids to a Christian university. She went to one in the early 1920s and said those kids were wilder than the ones at the local secular school.
My Mennonite hs classmates used to refer to Goshen and Heston as “Mennonite dating services.” I think a lot of them did find life partners there!