<p>One of the things we like so much about both kids’ s.o.‘s is that they do interact with us. That’s not just about good manners, it’s a preview (albeit, not guaranteed) of the future relationships we could have. In each case, it’s easy to treat the others with respect for their roles in our kids’ lives- and feel genuine affection for them. I don’t get the sense OP has this sort of relationship yet with gf.</p>
<p>^Why is this back to being rude to the gf? Oh the poor gal, pinched and dismissed? It’s son who asked and son is old enough to handle things like a young adult. No one knows if renting a car or flying or whatever is an imposition. How do you think they get together on an ordinary basis? (We don’t know. I don’t even recall if we know when this graduation is.)</p>
<p>Carpooling younger kids or roommates is different. I don’t expect them to do more than show decent manners. They are still their own parents’ problems and if they aren’t respectuful or cause some other issue, no further rides. Different “control.” Different dynamics. Different context.</p>