Hi, I might warn you all this will be long…this might be due to my frustration.
For context, this past Wednesday, I went to bed around 2am while my roommate told me she planned to stay up since she had a lot of work that she apparently needed to get done. I said ok and went to bed. I wake up for class next morning and notice she was still in bed. I go wash up and get ready for class like normal and a few minutes before I am about to leave, I still realize she is in bed. I think we had different classes starting around the same time that day, but I wasn’t sure about that, and whether to have woken her up or not. I really had no idea. I thought that maybe since she was up all night that she might have wanted to sleep in. She was out like a log, anyway. I decided to let her be. I go to class and when I come back to room after it, she is not in the room.
I go on laptop to check e-mails and she walks into the room. And what is the first thing she does? She yells at me. She goes, “why didn’t you wake me up???” And I proceed to say that I wasn’t sure what to have done and how I thought she might have wanted to sleep. (I just want to note as well, this girl barely ever wakes up to her alarm clocks…it’s not like “not waking up” has never happened before). Anyway, she goes, “well, you never know!” Thing is, I lose either way. Either i wake her up and she get mad at me for doing that since she would want to sleep uninterrupted, or i don’t wake her up and the following events i will mention happen…
After she yells at me some more, I tell her that, and I quote, “IT IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO WAKE YOU UP. I CAN NOT KEEP DOING THIS ALL THE TIME.”
She then tells me that me saying that comment offended her. She says that apparently it’s like me saying that “her life is not important and/or how i don’t want to keep being friends with her.”
???
I was really confused. How on EARTH could it possibly mean that? How does it remotely translate to that? She was just putting words into my mouth. I was trying to say that it is not like that at all! I would never think or say such a thing to anyone! I really would never do that!
After my failed attempt of convincing her that that was not what I meant, she then goes to tell me that she has woken me up before class plenty of times before.
Um, no.
I have a really good memory. People are surprised at how I remember small things that happen a long time ago in the past. So I can assure you, she has never woken me up for class or whatever. Even so, I would never get mad at her for not (hypothetically) waking me up anyway. It is my fault and my responsibility to not do it myself and I would not hold it against her, and I would not be mad at her at all, I assure that. At this time, I am confused, slightly annoyed, but I keep my composure pretty moderate while she raises her voice at me. I wasn’t trying to sound cavalier but I am trying to not become irrational and lose it either. When I tell her that she has never woken me up she then spits out “well, maybe you just have a terrible memory, then!”
Of course I didn’t know what to say. There was no way of getting through to this girl. No matter how hard I tried to explain, she wouldn’t want to understand. I just decided to leave the room. I had enough.
I also want to state that she has been pretty stressed this past month (but everyone in university is, as well). Unfortunately I think she has been taking her stress out on me by being very short tempered and impatient with things i do that don’t really affect her. So on top of that, I’ve had to deal with much of these waves like a sponge.
I talked to mutual friends about this and they apparently met up with dinner with my roommate a couple of days later. My ROOMMATE brings up the discussion our fight(?) to them and then they try discussing about it. They were honestly supporting my side but still were trying to understand what her side of the story could possibly be. However, nothing. They tried, but it was a stalemate. My roommate used the same skewed reasons as to why she is mad at me but our friends were trying to point out that they don’t really make sense and were asking her to try to understand where I am coming from. But of course, nothing. She ended up basically yelling at them too (in the public dining hall).
At this point I have no idea what to do. To have someone to facilitate the discussion in my opinion is futile because my roommate doesn’t even want to consider my feelings/side of the story. So far I nor my our friends could do that. With a stranger, most likely no. I don’t think it is possible to be able to convince her. I tried talking with an adult and she was very helpful at being a good ear, but pretty much shocked and unsure about what else I could do.
So right now, my roommate and I are not talking. She sulks around and unfortunately I am starting to develop no sympathy for her. I am usually a pretty low-key person…it takes a LOT for me to start to crack and feel anger. It takes a hell of a lot more for me to yell at you and to completely lose it since I am conscious about keeping my composure in front of people. However, I am so frustrated. I am starting to feel contrition for this somehow even though at the same time, I feel I should not be the one who is mad and sulking around. In fact, I feel like I have some kind of right to. But it’s like everything is my fault. I am almost willing to accept giving in if I can just not be involved in this drama anymore.
Once again, I apologize for the length, but every detail matters. I care about my roommate and I still want to be friends. Moving out is the last, last resort since that would completely ruin our friendship. I don’t want it to happen. I want to be good friends, but sometimes, I wish she seemed to care about me. This might sound mean but sometimes I think she takes me for granted, and there’s nothing i can do about it.
Thank you for reading
