Show not Tell?

College Essays
1

<p>I've written my college essay and many people have said that it is great, but as my essay goes on, I start to tell more than show. I was wondering if anyone could help me SHOW more in the last 2 paragraphs of my essay. The topic is rather unique.</p>

<p>Please help if you know how I can do this!</p>

2

<p>I could look it over if you want me to and offer some feedback. I’ve helped a few friends write their essays after I finished my own.</p>