<p>Oldest is at a small college-1300 people about. When we visited schools over the last couple of years, this was actually the only college both kids liked. These two are very opposite. </p>
<p>YDD is a high achiever and already got in to the state university. But this small LAC is a far better fit for her. ODS says no way. He wants his independence. He feels the school is too small and he will live in her shadow, like he did at times in high school. YDD was not that big on that school, as in, it was not a must have. But now that we have been looking at schools for a while, it always comes back to "I wish this school had a Jan term too" and then "this school does not have the good financial aid and merit aid that the other school has" and "this school is so huge, I wish I could have a smaller school with interactive classes." In other words, nothing matches my daughter anywhere near how this small LAC does. One thing is, she does not want to move far away, and she needs financial aid. Basically, every school ends up not having something she really wants, that that LAC has.</p>
<p>Question is, should she move on and we keep looking? Or would you just tell son later in the year, like in the spring, that she has picked that school, once she is certain? I am thinking that by spring, school will not be as new to him and maybe he will miss his sister so it won't be so bad.</p>
<p>Another thing, my son has really high functioning autism. He is smart, but completely opposite her. He is a very nice guy, who has done ok in school so far. On the other hand, my daughter is a high achiever that people (teachers and such) seem to fall all over. My son is happy to finally be his own person, on his own, and not be in anyone's shadow or otherwise.</p>
<p>Does your D really want to go to the same school as her brother? It seems there must be another small LAC out there that meets her criteria just as well. I find it hard to believe that this one college is the perfect and only fit for two very different children. If your D was a better student in HS, she might be eligible for merit aid awards that your S was not. She could possibly cast a wider net while still staying close to home.</p>
<p>While your S’s concerns about living in D’s shadow may not be completely warranted (they will most likely be in different disciplines, probably live in different halls and won’t likely have exactly the same professors), I can see why he would want to have his own domain in college. Don’t expect D and S to interact much, even if they do end up at the same school. If they do end up at the same institution, do everything you can not to compare their experiences or achievements.</p>
<p>One thing to remember is that student preferences can change from Oct to May during senior year. Many students reorder their favorites. Unless your D is applying early decision to her top choice, she should give herself a choice of institutions to choose in the spring. She shouldn’t pick her brother’s college just because it’s familiar to her.</p>
<p>I can understand him wanting his own domain, but would they really interact that much? I have 2 kids at the same small school, even same major but they’ve both found their own niche. They see each other occasionally, have had some of the same professors, but neither one feels that the other is encroaching on the other.</p>
<p>I can think of several people I know in the same situation, even two separate twin groups. In every case, they all encouraged their children to go to separate colleges and have separate experiences.</p>
<p>My own personal opinion is to look at more LAC’s and small uni’s for your D and keep her focused on finding things about those schools she does like. </p>
<p>Actually, now that I think about it, my own sister’s two older kids, also a boy and girl, are only 17 months apart in age. She is older and picked her college. He also wanted that same college and she (the sister) said “no way”. He found another college perfect for him, yes further away, but still in driving distance, and he just started as a freshman, but I can tell from what my sister has already said, they are very happy to be at their own schools.</p>
<p>My opinion is just that…an opinion from a stranger that has no insight into the dynamics of your family. Only you have the “gut feeling” that is going to guide you on this huge decision. Trust your gut as you read the posts that may or may not have helpful suggestions.</p>
<p>That being said, what I “hear” you saying is First Child has struggled but is now in a good place and seems to be happy. When you suggested Second Child attend the same school, First Child is vocal about not wanting her there. And it seems to me that he has valid reasons to oppose her attending the same school.</p>
<p>I am the third child in my family, and had to live in the shadow of two older sisters. It was not fun to follow in their footsteps. I can relate to how your son might feel. There are so many colleges across the country. I strongly urge you to take some more college road trips with your daughter and expand your possibilities. It sounds like she has the ability to be more flexible and adapt to most any college situation.</p>
<p>Good luck to you as you navigate this tricky situation.</p>
<p>They are independent choices, i.e., your daughter should choose exactly what she wants irrespective of her brother’s wishes or your wishes if it makes no financial difference to you. </p>
<p>If the whole reason for her not attending her first pick is that her brother does not want her there, then all future relationships will be dictated by that.</p>
<p>Back in my college days I was the overachieving younger sibling with a bright and neurotypical older sister. It was completely clear to me that going to the same school was NOT an option. Later in life we actually ended up in the same career (medicine) but again it was crystal clear to me that I should NOT choose the same specialty. There are so many colleges out there–I would suggest giving your son the space to be his own person. And 1300 is small…they will not be able to avoid each other.</p>
<p>I agree with your Son. Sounds like your D will have lots of great opportunities. I think you should have a heart to heart talk with her about how her brother feels about the situation. Surely she can find another school that appeals to her.</p>
<p>I know many sets of “very different” siblings who did fine at the same college, including my own children. It’s true: they don’t just run into one another, and they live separate lives for the most part. Fearing that one will live in the shadow of the other, like in high school, is awfully immature. That isn’t how college (or life) works.</p>
<p>That said, the OP probably knows her older child is awfully immature, and wishing he were less so doesn’t do much good. It’s not really reasonable to tell your sister she can’t come to your college, but that’s what he has done, and she ought at least to consider his feelings. Also, there is NO LAC so unique that two or three other LACs don’t have 90% of the same characteristics. If the OP’s daughter hasn’t found them, it’s because she hasn’t really looked yet.</p>
<p>I too can understand him wanting his own domain. But if this same school gives the biggest bang for the buck for both kids, I would not rule it out. My hope is that the YDD finds an even better solution for her needs and it becomes a moot point.</p>
<p>I went to the same college as a younger brother and hardly ever saw him. I think there was only one class we both took - not at the same time. It was a drawing class and the professor remembered me as I’d also done an independent study with him. In any event, I don’t think your daughter should be forbidden to apply to this school, but I would encourage her to keep looking. Is she just one year behind him?</p>
<p>How many years apart are the kids in school? Would they possibly end up living in the same facility (a dorm)? Personally, I doubt being at the same school would be that big a deal unless they are only a year apart and will have the same major. </p>
<p>That said I’d look for other LACs similar … and I’d bet big money that there are alot … the NY, MA, PA area has 20+ great LACs.</p>
<p>I briefly considered attending the same school as my older brother as I loved the school and knew a lot of his friends. But it was a very small school and he was a BMOC and I really feared that while it would be a comfortable place, I would never have my own identity. I wisely chose to attend another school and loved it.</p>
<p>The school I attended was also somewhat small and I knew numerous sets of siblings there. Several of them complained about always being known as “so and so’s sister or brother”. Well, yeah.</p>
<p>From what I recall your son aphasia had some struggles. If he’s finding his way at this school, and does not want his sister there, given the history I’d respect his wishes unless there was some really strong reason not too.</p>
<p>Our twins are at the same school. They started out at different schools then D transferred. I can see both sides. I think if your D isn’t too overbearing S may end up enjoying having her there. He will have established his friendships by the time she gets there. I like the fact that my kids have lunch or dinner together a few times a week and have each other there as a resource. Their school is larger, however.</p>
<p>When I first started reading this thread, I was startled that your son even felt that he could make such a demand. After all, it’s up to his sister to choose her own college.</p>
<p>Then I read that it was a very small school – smaller than many high schools. And I realized that he may have a good point. </p>
<p>I know lots of sibling pairs, and even trios, who go to the same college, but the colleges have always been larger ones, where the siblings could have as much or as little contact as they desired. Sometimes, they wanted a great deal of contact (as in a case of three brothers who not only went to the same college but all joined the same fraternity). Sometimes, they rarely saw each other except when they shared rides home for breaks.</p>
<p>But at a small LAC, I don’t think your kids could avoid each other. And that could be trouble.</p>
<p>What other colleges could offer your daughter what this LAC does without the disadvantage of her brother being there?</p>