You say he knows he needs to make a living. But I sense no urgency or timeline for getting him to this point. I have one kid on the spectrum and one not. Both were given 8 semesters of college funding with the deal that they had to be self supporting when they were done. Gave both the option of a gap year (but they had to pay for any activities or trips during it) if they wanted, both turned it down.
If you never set a deadline, he will drag this out as long as you will support him financially.
There are many schools that just use stats for admissions, or at least use stats to move the applications to the next level of review. There are many more that have a more holistic review process and understand that the student may be driven in some areas but not in others, may not have any group sports or activities but excels in an individual activity like photography or fishing. How these gifts and differences are normally conveyed to the admissions office is through essays and that’s where your issues may show as he doesn’t like to write. Schools are getting more and more used to homeschooled applicants or kids with portfolios rather than transcripts.
I have child #1 who is very average in gpa and scores and another, #2, who had above average gpa and scores. On paper you’d want #2 as a student at your college, especially an LAC. Many LACs did invite #2 to attend and even gave her a lot of merit money. Nope. She is not a curious student. She likes math and science because she wants there to be an answer for the problems. Zero interest in reading books and even less in discussing them. Doesn’t care about art or history or great books or even not so great books. Refused to register to vote and has no interest in politics. #1 is the opposite. Loves art history and discussing the painting and the story behind the painting and the era the painting was made. Loves history and geography and why things fit together. She’s the kid you want to add to your freshmen class, she’ll participate in class, she’ll do the extra reading and go to office hours to keep the discussion going. If you ask her how many apples were in the painting, she’ll reply “You said there would be no math.” However, LACs were not begging her to come or offering enough money for her to pay for attending because her stats weren’t all that impressive.
The trick, OP, will be to get his application moving up the chain if he wants a more selective school. My daughter picked a small flagship and has really done well there. She did not care about ranking. She’s not the smartest kid on campus. She likes taking a little of this and a lot of that so the added size of the flagship was actually a good thing (she initially wanted a small school). She slogs through the required classes (2 science, math, French) and it will all work out.
@intparent My son has always been extremely sensitive about financial issues (he’s turned down new computers and other gifts) and has been agonizing over his being a “burden” to us since he was 10 years old. He does nothing but work his ass off–no social media, no gaming, no TV, no partying. My husband and I (who were quite into fun at his age) are always trying to get him to relax. If he wishes to stay home, it’s fine with us–we need an adult in the household! 
It’s been really great getting all this input! I started lurking on this site years ago but this was my first post. Overall, I am feeling a lot less concerned than I was when he first started college 3 years ago. I guess I was caught up in the rush to push him out the door because, well, isn’t that what everyone does? I’m heartened by the variety of paths I’m hearing about here. And with the financial outlook not being too great at our house, the idea of his going to our local CC for one more year is sounding better by the minute. 
@JeanJeanie This comment
combined with your description of your ds’s reluctance to write bc of intense perfectionism makes me strongly encourage your ds to understand what it will take to achieve long term goals. One of my other sons is a senior physics major in the process of applying to grad school. His physics labs were sometimes 10-15 pages long. Research is an absolute necessity. Fear of getting something wrong is not really a great mindset for a scientist.
@JeanJeanie One last thing, can he satisfied his writing gen ed requirements with Technical writing? My son did. Might be a more comfortable fit.
@gearmom I sure as hell hope so!! Seriously, I hope he can find the key to unlock the full range of his writing abilities. I’m 99% sure they are in there!
@Mom2aphysicsgeek “One of my other sons is a senior physics major in the process of applying to grad school. His physics labs were sometimes 10-15 pages long. Research is an absolute necessity. Fear of getting something wrong is not really a great mindset for a scientist.”
Thx. I appreciate that. I’ve been modeling imperfection since he was a baby (an intense, perfectionist baby!) and it seemed to make him want to avoid mistakes all the more! :-o I spent much of his homeschooling years pointing him to all the wonderful things that started by mistake.
Another thought: what do y’all think about him taking a few CLEP exams to speed up his progress. I like that they are Pass/No Pass and multiple choice (except for the writing comp test, obviously). I’m thinking American Government (since he’s always telling his parents how it works) for starters.
Before speeding up his progress, might be helpful to figure out where he wants to progress to.
As another poster pointed out, a clear goal and path would help him and you evaluate what he needs to do. Right now, taking a few CLEP exams sounds more like “ready, fire, aim!” Figuring out what his end goals are and determining what steps he needs to take to get there - which may or may not even require a degree, much less CLEP - would be the preferred “ready, aim, fire!” approach.
I had not wanted to make a second remark about the Peace Corps but I’m relieved to hear that’s not a goal of his. I agree strongly with @thumper1 on this. Even if it’s redundant to say it (in the case of your son) I want to say my piece for others reading this thread who may be making their own life decisions. I did say earlier here that Peace Corps volunteers need to be able to work independently without much support, but by that I meant independent of other Americans, without a lot of infrastructure. However, volunteers cannot be go-it-alone-and-do-it my-way types, quite the opposite. Volunteers must closely collaborate with people in a vastly different social/physical/economic environment than what they are used to. I don’t know a single returned volunteer who didn’t feel completely turned upside-down-and-inside-out-and down Alice’s rabbit hole for much of their time overseas. And then, again, coming home.
While it’s true, @gearmom, that a lot of atypical people thrive in the Peace Corps in the sense of being adventurous, quirky, think-outside-of-the- box types, it’s also necessary to have the social skills to (more-or-less) intuit and respond to how the world looks and feels to those living very much inside-the-box of the traditional cultures volunteers often live in, and to act accordingly (working out solutions that are acceptable inside that box. ) It’s important to be able to problem-solve on the seat of your pants yet take a very patient long view, to be practical, to compromise, to stretch your whole belief system, and to feel OK (and even enjoy) not having any idea what you are doing much of the time. I don’t see it as a likely-to-be-successful venture for people with OCD/strong perfectionism, anxiety, rigidity of habits or a strong preference to work out solutions alone. I don’t mean to demean in any way people with any of these these traits…who can be brilliant in other settings…just likely not in this one.
Don’t meant to derail this thread any more…but I too often see Peace Corps being suggested whenever there are non-mainstream students being considered, as if it’s a catch-all category. I was a PC volunteer for two extended tours (six years, plus a year working for UNICEF) and worked for a year in the PC placement office,d have known hundred of volunteers. While it is a tremendous working/growing experience for many people, it’s not for everyone. It’s a highly challenging, often stressful thing to do.
Thanks, I appreciate that. A friend mentioned CLEP after I told her that my DS has started to be concerned about his pace toward a degree, being a late starter. I know he really enjoys the learning aspect of taking a course, but some subjects (American Govt.) seem good candidates for the GE checklist.
Re goals, his goal sounds a lot like mine at that age: “My goal is to figure out my goal!”
@inthegarden Really,I had suggested the Peace Corps because he had wanted to “save the world,” he seemed to have an aptitude for languages, he seemed to be very passionate and curious, so if he had an assignment to work on beekeeping in South America, he’d give it his all. I was not viewing the kid as someone that need to be dumped somewhere but as someone who could contribute.
@intparent re your comment “STEM with no math could be really challenging. Maybe a bio major wouldn’t need it. Also, the SAT is 50% math.”
It was grades K-12 that he didn’t do math. Since starting CC, he’s taken Trig, Pre-Calc and now Calc, with strong A’s in each.
Someone earlier mentioned St John’s College (in Annapolis, MD and New Mexico)…and I have been wondering the same thing. IF he can get over some of his fear of writing, and if the school could accomodate his slower pace…it seems as if it may be the intellectual learning-for-learning’s sake kind of paradise he would thrive in and love. However, I am not sure if there is any choice of coursework at all in the curriculum (all students study a “great books of western civilization curriculum” ) but it’s a very unique program you might want to look into.
Also, for environmental studies, maybe look into Warren Wilson College in North Carolina? I don’t know a lot about it, but I think it’s a school that can give individual attention to students, and has an environmental focus. Don’t know if there would be enough of an intellectual vibe, though.
Writing is intimate business. How does your son feel about himself? Does he fear revealing too much of himself in the essay/opinion papers?
Another school that came to mind is College of the Atlantic in Bar Harbor, Maine.
@agreatstory “Writing is intimate business. How does your son feel about himself? Does he fear revealing too much of himself in the essay/opinion papers?”
Bullseye!
The problem is, though, @gearmom, in some ways (as much as I truly love the Pearce Corps) most volunteers really are dumped to a degree. And often very earnest, perfectionistic, give-it-your-all idealists with few seat-of-your-pants practical skills (except the one they are trained in by Peace Corps) find themselves very distressed when they find themselves in a place where no one actually WANTS to keep bees, (you find out two years later it was someone’s political decision to send a beekeeper.) Or where it is possible to keep bees. Or where it is possible to make the best honey in the world but nowhere to sell it. Or there are some kind of cultural roadblocks to being successful bt no one tells you what it is. Many people who want nothing more than to save the world and to make a contribution find road-block after road-block. That’s where estreme adaptability and a lack of fear of making mistakes and being able to shift gears critical. I was not trying to criticize your motive for making the suggestion, but in my experience of Peace Corps (and having been a volunteer trainer/coordinator of new volunteers in the field) someone with OCDs/anxiety/perfectionism is not likely the right temperament match for Peace Corps, no matter how wonderful, hard-working and earnest this young man is. Having done it for seven years on two continents, I feel it would be a disservice for me to not add my perspective.