Hardworking kid with no ambition

Parents Forum
1

<p>My son, a junior, is really a puzzle to me. He is on the Asperger's spectrum (mild, and when he's not stressed, a stranger wouldn't be able to tell). His test scores are very erratic. Because he's a conscientious student, his grades are consistently As and a few Bs. Last year, he made straight A's. This year, he has a few B+s in his AP classes.</p>

<p>He tells us repeatedly that he's "not academically minded" and doesn't want to go to college. However, he does love his theology class (it's a Christian school) and they're reading some very challenging material (Plato's Republic, etc). He looks forward to school on the days when that class meets and loves to talk about the class discussions at dinner. </p>

<p>The rest of the time, he doesn't mind going, but he just doesn't have much joy in it. About the only thing he really enjoys is playing League of Legends online, but he's not likely to make a living as a professional gamer. When we bring up looking at colleges, he shuts down and tells us to stop pressuring him.</p>

<p>Does anyone else have a kid like this, and if so, did your child make it through the college application process?</p>

2

<p>Could he go talk to the theology teacher. Maybe a neutral party could give him some college ideas that would resonate with him. That said, there’s nothing wrong with taking a gap year.</p>

3

<p>Nothing wrong with a gap year.</p>

<p>Nothing wrong with a career-oriented program either. This world has a crying need for competent automechanics, plumbers, electricians, and all of the other skilled trades.</p>

4

<p>He has so many options. Gap year(s) have been mentioned. Lots of times a job is a great college motivator. Working might show him what he doesn’t want to do or what he does. While not the kind of school we typically discuss on cc, there are “Bible Colleges” that focus on training people for service work and other church positions, ask your pastor/priest if he knows any that would be a good fit. Finally, good old community college is a nice place to pick up courses in a area of interest, maybe not the classic Arts and Sciences program, but perhaps something more technical, if he likes that kind of thing.</p>

<p>But if the kid says he does not want to go away to a typical college right now, I would listen.</p>

5

<p>He might enjoy Great Books programs (St John’s, Shimer) or Great Books programs included in the general curriculum (St Olaf’s Great Conversation). He might be interested in a philosophy major, or a college where there’s philosophy, ethics, etc (many Jesuit institutions require two semesters of philosophy for example).
It’d be doing every day the things he enjoys the most in school :)</p>

6

<p>Does he look service learning types of programs? There are lots of colleges that fit that description – where he can immediately begin applying what he learns. Also the colleges that change lives list is helpful.
How about Hampshire? St. Anselm’s is a very intellectual christian college, if you are thinking of going that route . .</p>

7

<p>Thanks, all. We did encourage him to go to a vo-tech high school, but he doesn’t think he’d be interested in the trades they teach. (We have an excellent one a few miles from our house, and he toured it in 8th grade.) He built a computer last summer and is on the school’s help desk, so I don’t want him to rule out electronics yet, but I do think he has an intellectual side that needs addressing. He’s a deep thinker, even if he doesn’t love school.</p>

<p>I would let him consider a gap year only if he had a job, or some other plan. My concern would be that he’d spend the whole year playing League of Legends and that will not fly with us. A gap year is fine, but it has to be an exploratory (jobs, experiences, etc.) or otherwise useful year.</p>

8

<p>Sounds to me like you need to make it clear to him that at the end of high school he is going to have only a few choices:</p>

<ul>
<li>Attend some kind of college or post-secondary school (CC or vo-tech is okay with you)</li>
<li>Take a PRODUCTIVE gap year if he chooses to do so</li>
<li>Get a job to cover his expenses and move into his own place</li>
</ul>

<p>Some Aspie kids (I have one who is borderline) need to have their options spelled out VERY clearly. Let him know you will help him with options #1 or #2 to a point, but he is going to have to get engaged. If he chooses #3, he is going to have to figure that one out on his own…</p>

<p>You also might tell him that assuming he is going to choose option #1, he needs to start going on a few college visits with you this spring. Get a copy of Fiske’s and ask if he wants to review it on his own, or if he wants you to flag a few colleges that he can then read about.</p>

9

<p>My slacker nephew, very smart, but more interested in snowboarding than school really loved the Great Books program at St. Johns. He went to the Santa Fe campus, his sister is going to the Annapolis campus, but she’s taking a gap year in France first.</p>

10

<p>A friend of mine has a son who sounds similar (on a superficial level anyway); he did an outdoor program and is now working with horses. A lot of kids really benefit from the National Outdoor Leadership School, NOLS. It’s a wilderness program, easily googled.</p>

<p>Two of my kids are high achieving and a third left college after a year; none of her friends are going either. Her group of friends is a great bunch of kids who are finding their way in an individualistic fashion, working, doing training in what interests them (anything from dance to Reiki to tattoos), some living at home and some not.</p>

<p>I am not pressuring mine to get a degree. But I have had to provide some intensive support and guidance without appearing to do so!</p>

<p>I know a lot of young people with heavy debt for college that they did not finish. If you qualify for financial aid, that may be less of a worry, but it is a real concern for some.</p>

11

<p>“He tells us repeatedly that he’s “not academically minded” and doesn’t want to go to college. However, he does love his theology class (it’s a Christian school) and they’re reading some very challenging material (Plato’s Republic, etc). He looks forward to school on the days when that class meets and loves to talk about the class discussions at dinner.”</p>

<p>The answer lies here. The theology teacher could help him identify where this could take him.</p>

12

<p>

</p>

<p>This was my thought, also.</p>

13

<p>Thanks again. St Olaf has come up a lot recently, and my D has a close friend who just started there, so we may try to interest him in a visit. Since he’s an indoor type of kid, he doesn’t mind frigid weather ;)</p>

14

<p>Incidentally, I read a novel this summer where the main narrator is an Aspie kid. He has one passion (he wants to find the meaning of death, so he signs up for a course in anatomy at Cardiff’s Med school - he has excellent grades in his A-Levels, kinda like 2-year long British APs and the professor in charge of admission can’t refuse due to “disability accomodations”). His motivation for studying is unlike anyone else’s in the class and he has no intention of graduating or of becoming a physician.
The author actually worked with Asperger’s specialists in Cardiff and apparently the way she describes how the young narrator sees the world is “legit”.
Title: Rubbernecker, Author: Belinda Bauer.</p>

15

<p>Well… the hike across the St. Olaf campus in January to class is not indoors! We go down there in the winter annually for an academic high school competition, and don’t be fooled into thinking he can avoid going outside from November through March. Now… you might not want to mention this to him. :wink: See if you can get him interested first. Visit late in the spring or in the summer if you can… summer is lovely there.</p>

16

<p>I also thought of Great Books and St. John’s College.</p>

17

<p>I am not personally familiar with St Olaf’s but for theology wouldn’t you need something more rigorous than Bible college? I’m thinking Dallas Theological Seminary might suit him better.</p>

18

<p>^PhotoOp: hm, we don’t know whether OP is Catholic and OP’s son never intended to be a priest as far as we know; studying theology doesn’t mean seminary. In fact, most Religion departments include several religions, with sociological perspectives, historical perspectives, etc - very different from doctrine-based classes to train professionals of the faith. Religion can be combined with psychology or with philosophy, depending on the grad program or career the student hopes for.
None of the schools cited are Bible colleges (? not sure where you got that idea) they’re liberal arts colleges with discussion- based classes based on the classics. (St Olaf is a very selective, top notch national liberal arts college. Shimer and St John’s are both Great Books colleges, St John’s with a national reputation, Shimer with a regional reputation.)</p>

19

<p>Massmom, this one really hits it home for me. Very similar situation, except my son knew that he absolutely had to go to college. Just some things for you to consider. He may think he’s not “academically minded” because he’s bored in high school, and thinks that college will be the same drill. He might be playing games all day because he can’t find anything else better to do, not because he’s obsessed with the games.</p>

<p>My opinion is, that the key to an Aspie, is to figure out the things they love. Figure out what makes them tick and what they’re obsessed about. He may not have anything quite yet, except for the philosophical discussions (which sound suited to small LAC environments). When an Aspie finds their direction, nobody can stop them. They are phenomenal, they just need to find it.</p>

<p>Has he looked into computer science at all? He may love solving the problems, and it sounds like he’s a techie. Awesome career field there for him. He sounds very smart, just bored, and I doubt a gap year would be worthwhile (unless he was going to take community college courses, or do something specific). I wouldn’t recommend a religious school unless he is highly religious, as it sounds like he’s more interested in the philosophical aspects and not the religion (just guessing here). Questioning may not be the strong suit of all religious colleges. Consider taking him to visit targeted LACs that you’ve scoped out for him, forgoing large schools, and let him see that it isn’t like high school. Sure, not everyone needs to go to college, but smart Aspies who like to discuss philosophy…yeah, college is probably for him. Many Aspies are extremely good at CS, there is a tremendous future for people who are so inclined and have the ability.</p>

<p>I could be totally off base, guessing, but I think with the right college, your son can soar. Plus, he’s only a junior. Maybe he’s just not ready to get knee deep into the college stuff. A few low pressure, let’s just look around college visits can’t hurt. My kid resisted it SO much. Took him to awesome schools, his comment on Princeton and Cornell was, “Well, I can’t find anything wrong with them.” Went to Carnegie Mellon, he lit up and showed interest, unlike any other college.</p>

20

<p>That was encouraging, busdriver11, thank you! Even though he says he’s not academically minded, he is definitely an intellectual, if that makes sense.</p>

<p>PhotoOp, he’s not looking for a career in ministry, although hasn’t ruled this out. St Olaf isn’t a bible college, BTW. It’s a well-regarded liberal arts college in Minnesota but it has a 50% acceptance rate, so even if he doesn’t do that great on the SAT, he may have a shot.</p>

<p>The other puzzling thing about my son is that he likes acting and is good at it. He was cast as the male lead last year in “1984” and really did a good job. People still talk about his performance. He says it’s easier to be someone else than to be himself, so maybe that’s the attraction for him.</p>