Smartest Things You Did During College Process

Parents Forum
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<ol>
<li>Know that all kids are different in their approach to college.</li>
</ol>

<p>My older son was Mr. Everything in HS – valedictorian, National AP scholar, National Merit , scholar co-president of the student council, captain of a state championship winning team, etc. He wanted to attend the Ivies, Duke, MIT, etc. So he had lots of “reach” schools.</p>

<p>His younger brother is an excellent student, but he’s also an athlete. So the concentration on schools has been twofold – great academics but a chance to compete. His list is very different than his brother’s.</p>

<ol>
<li>If your child is an athlete, know that you may have to assist in helping him find schools. </li>
</ol>

<p>My son’s coaches are nice young men, but they have not helped at all in his dream of competing at the next level. Instead, we’ve helped our son send our e-mails and packages to coaches. A friend has done the same with his son, who plays football but has a new coach this year. </p>

<ol>
<li>Do your research. Guidance counselors cannot know everything.</li>
</ol>

<p>This is not a knock on guidance. Rather, it may explain some things. Guidance counselors, if they could just do that, as in guide, would have more time to devote to students in search of colleges. But, these days, they administer state tests, AP Tests, write tons of reports, sit in on IEP meetings, etc. Sometimes, the kids who are college bound are the last people they talk with. My son has yet to speak with his guidance counselor this year – she’s new to the school. The ironic thing is that he works in guidance as a aide! So our son is glad that we’ve done some research on schools, scholarships, etc. </p>

<ol>
<li>Apply to some schools with rolling admissions.</li>
</ol>

<p>What a feeling is was for my son to tell his friends that he had four acceptances in the first month of school. And he likes all four schools, too.</p>

<ol>
<li>Look for schools with merit money.</li>
</ol>

<p>Believe it or not, this was what my son wanted, so we helped him with the research. His older brother graduated debt-free. He wants the same, if possible.</p>

22

<p>

I like this so much I had to requote it.</p>

<p>Try not to let the college search overshadow the high school experience itself. Live in the present. It’s very easy to get caught up in the whole college mania, depending on where you live, and sometimes you really have to take a deliberate step back.</p>

23

<ol>
<li><p>Explain to them how loans work, how much their monthly payment will be after they graduate and how that will affect other things they want to have/do with their life.
They need to know the cold hard facts about how their post grad. lives will be impacted by big debt. </p>

<ol>
<li> Just because your kid is pretty close to genius status doesn’t mean he/she has to go to a school that only the smartest top 'o the heap kids go to. If your smart kid really loves everything about big state u., let him go and don’t lament that the fact that “he could have done so much better”.</li>
</ol></li>
</ol>

24

<p>Lots of good suggestions above, we did several of them. One thing I would suggest to someone just starting out (ninth or tenth grade parent) is to read the book “How to Be a High School Superstar: A Revolutionary Plan To Get Into College By Standing Out (Without Burning Out)” by Cal Newport. It really changed our thinking on ECs for D2, which for many reasons was a good thing. The fundamental idea is that following at least a partial EC path that is not just what is offered in your high school is a good thing. There are over 24,000 high schools in the US, and each one has a class president, team captains, yearbook editor (not to mention val and sal). Going against that flow can help you stand out, and I think it also made my D a more interesting (and interested) person to do this. This book also helped us put academics in their proper light – you do NOT need an unweighted 4.0 to get into top schools.</p>

25

<p>Well we’re not done yet but DS is 2 for 2!</p>

<p>1)start visits early. Take child to see a school that is somewhat out of reach but beautiful and that you think will really fit your child’s tastes. We did this Sophomore year and it really lit a fire under DS and resulted in nearly straight A’s junior year. Now some of the early “reaches” are actually matches!</p>

<p>2)Junior year fall, take an SAT and an ACT. compare scores and see which your child is better at. In our case we then hired a tutor from January - April and son’s ACT score rose by 5 points… again making early reach schools closer to matches.</p>

<p>3)we largely ignored advice from hs guidance counselor when I realized that she wasn’t well informed on any school outside of a 100 mile radius. I read somewhere along the way here that if you don’t get at least one rejection, you didn’t aim high enough… so make sure you have safeties but there is nothing wrong with a few reaches! They provide motivation.</p>

<p>Agree with others to get apps in early (October 1 is a good goal) and have a rolling safety school so you have one by Thanksgiving. Takes the family pressure off. Also although you may encourage your child to reach, continue to talk of benefits of the match & safety schools and make sure they understand that they may not get in to top choice. Try to minimize the disappointment.</p>

26

<p>1) Make sure your student has some EC’s and keep a list of them for applications.
2) Take the tests early don’t wait until fall of senior year.
3) If your student is applying to more than a couple schools create a spreadsheet take helps keep track of dates,scholarships,final costs.
4) BEFORE senior year have them decide which teachers they will ask for recommendations and as soon as they know where they need them sent have them ask for the rec. Teachers are very busy and may not have time if your student waits until the last minute for a rec.</p>

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<p>As others have written above: </p>

<p>Run an EFC calculator early. I did that back when Happykid was in 9th grade (long before the existence of Net Price Calculators), and was in such shock that it took me another year to try again. But getting honest with myself about the money meant that I could get Happydad straight on the money, so that we could be clear with Happykid. No time or tears were wasted on unaffordable options.</p>

28

<ol>
<li>Read as much as you can on CC!</li>
<li>Try to get your kids to take SAT subject tests in 9th or 10th grade if they correspond with the subject of interest. Otherwise, they will forget the material.</li>
<li>Put together a rough outline for completing application and essay tasks for the Fall of senior year - good for procrastinators like ours!</li>
<li>Visit the schools they are considering after they are accepted, if possible, just to be certain about the decision.</li>
<li>Come up with clear, concise and reasonable arguments to lobby financial aid officers for more aid, if appropriate, prior to accepting admission.</li>
<li>Be realistic. So many kids shoot too high, too low, or have very distorted expectations due to lack of information about what is out there. Get educated about the process and what to expect.</li>
</ol>

29

<p>I am not a parent, but I want to share how my father motivated my brother to study for the SAT. Perhaps another parent wants to borrow this idea :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Brother was sitting on a PSAT score in the 180-200 range; while he goes to a selective high school and is getting a stellar education, he was not putting in 100% and my dad wanted to see him step it up. </p>

<p>Brother was promised to be paid the same amount a Kaplan SAT class costs if he gets score X. If he doesn’t get score X, my brother was to retake the SAT after taking a Kaplan class. My dad did not say this, but he would have let him take a Kaplan class to improve his score no matter what score he got (within reason), but score X was the bare minimum he wanted to see and he reasoned my brother was capable. </p>

<p>Results:

  1. Brother scores X+110
  2. Pride in having surpassed dad’s expectations and in seeing his hard work pay off
  3. Shift in professional aspirations to more serious ones
  4. Surge in motivation: main essay done by the beginning of the year, most applications submitted by early November, self studied his worst section for a retake and bumped up his score another 100 points
  5. All college acceptance results are to come in May, but I think the lessons he learned this year will extend beyond how he does in admissions this year</p>

<p>Notes:
My parents are lower-middle class. Brother does not have spending money, but is not big on material well being. </p>

<p>I allow that this turnaround cannot be attributed entirely to this “experiment” and could be because he matured over the year and saw his classmates begin talking about the future in very real terms. </p>

<p>Brother has shown a great deal of perseverance, motivation, and accomplishment in an outside activity, so he had some inkling of a work ethic prior to this SAT experience :-)</p>

30

<p>My son just got accepted ED at Northwestern. Here’s what worked for him:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Support the kid you have - not the perfect kid you wish you had. My son is not highly organized, to say the least, but he’s very bright and highly focused. So I had to lighten up on organizing his life, but support him in really focusing in on his college research. </p></li>
<li><p>We handled the essay issue very differently. My son and I discussed both common app and supplemental essays extensively before he wrote them, and we talked a lot about how to be as genuine and personal in the essays as possible. Kids read so many example essays that sometimes they lose sight of the primary purpose of the essay - to help admissions officers understand them as an individual. For both of my kids, I think their essays were a huge part of getting into highly selective schools. </p></li>
<li><p>Extra curriculars are one area where I think we provided better support the second time around. My daughter had a lot of different types of ECs. With my son, we helped him look at ECs and summer activities as a way of building a strong profile in one area. Nearly all of his ECs (other than sports) were about education in math and science. For example, he was a science camp counselor, started a math and science tutoring program for a local middle school, etc. He used that focus in writing both his common app and ‘why northwestern’ essays, and it was a part of his recommendations as well.</p></li>
</ol>

31

<p>Set up an e-mail address used exclusively for college application process.</p>

32

<p>Focus on safeties (academic and financial). There are some great schools out there that admit almost everybody and don’t cost a lot. Give them a chance. We did this with both kids and it GREATLY alleviated the pressure, because right off the bat they knew they would get in SOMEWHERE–and that “somewhere” wasn’t actually that bad. In fact, the school I recently visited with my daughter and a friend was surprisingly impressive, and it’s in a great city where the overall “package” of college plus city life might make up for some of the things it lacks. As I said on the way back–“you could do a lot worse than X University.” And she agreed.</p>

<p>I also think now is the time to distance oneself (as a parent or a student) from pushy, competitive peers. My son has a friend who openly made fun of his classmates’ more modest college aspirations and approached the whole thing with the cockiness of someone who was SURE to get into his top-choice schools. Well, karma got him and he was rejected by every single one of them. It was a tough time for the family but unfortunately no one felt especially sympathetic to the boy because he had been such an arrogant jerk.</p>

33

<p>Let your kid guide the process. He or she needs to own it, even if that means only one app is submitted (which is what happened for D). </p>

<p>Don’t pay any app fees until kiddo shows that entire app is complete (would have saved us several app fees, which I consider wasted since S balked at essays–ARGH). </p>

<p>Be honest about finances and financial safeties–hoping finances will work out is not a plan.</p>

34

<p>Expanding a bit on Himom’s 3rd point, we discussed actual dollar figures with son, before he sent any apps, of what we were willing and able to chip in.
This way he had a clear understanding in advance that he could attend any school that accepted him, but that he’d have to make up any shortfall in costs.</p>

35

<p>Suggested to both kids to take a gap year, after applying to colleges.</p>

36

<p>The suggestion to think about a gap year is a good one–my daughter was so stressed and so burnt out that the prospect of a gap year was a beacon for her, and we discussed all the possibilities we could think of, including backpacking the Appalachian trail! In the end, she didn’t want or need one, but the idea was balm to her overworked soul.</p>

37

<p>Have the conversation about how much your child want to share with the world about where they’re applying. They may tell everyone they know they’re applying to Harvard, Yale and their state flagship, but they may also not one anyone to know where they’re applying. Respect that. It’s perfectly fine to answer another parent “Jimmy is applying to state U and a few liberal arts colleges.” Some kids don’t like the vulnerability of applying to reaches when the whole world knows about it.</p>

<p>Also, find anything but college applications to talk about with your senior’s friends, and you will be the most popular parent on the block. Ask about sports, their car, their sweater, choir, dance, mock trial and they will happily chat away; ask about “where they’re applying” and they’ll probably find reasons to slip away… ;)</p>

<p>And, echoing others, don’t let the college process define your relationship with your child!</p>

38

<p>Just wanted to add about the essays. Even though it is the student’s essay, it is good to let the parent read it before it is sent. Students benefit from getting friends and teachers to help edit it, but a parent can be blunt about some things that could backfire if the student includes them. </p>

<p>I know that I caught a line in something my son wrote that probably would have aggravated an admissions officer. It was unintended, but due to his immaturity, he didn’t realize it would have seemed offensive. I urged him to delete the line. He refused at first (stubborn - “it’s my essay!”), but asked someone else for advice, and finally deleted it. He now goes to that college. I am still convinced that if he had included it, he might not have gotten in.</p>

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<p>Let him handle the entire thing.</p>

40

<p>Just wanted to thank all who have taken the time to provide thoughtful advice here. A LOT of valuable info here!</p>