So Confused - help!

College Essays
1

I wrote about my 12 years on a summer team and about how certain health struggles impacted that journey like a roller coaster. I didn’t mention roller coaster but that’s the general feel. Up, down Up. I adapted and overcame obstacles…

I tried to write it like a story and the introduction starts off quite vague as I was trying to draw the reader in.

My counselor really liked that approach and thought it was a good essay. My English teacher thought it was unique. He had some general grammar fixes and thought I needed more impactful detail about what exactly the health struggles were. I can add that though I was intentionally glossing over the details. My dad however says the entire essay sounds too wordy and doesn’t grab him at all.

I thought I was almost done. I don’t who to listen to and I am getting very stressed out about this process. Is there a website where I can read essays by general students (not the Hopkins essays since I don’t have that type of voice).
I’d like to stand out but I feel like I am losing sight of why I am even writing this.

2

bump

3

My advice would be to listen to the people who read college essays all the time as part of their job descriptions.

4

Unless your dad is a college adcom, I would trust your counselor and english teacher more on this one since they read a ton of essays every year.

5

I agree with @JenJenJenJen and @momofsenior1, but if you would like an opinion from a 65-year-old lawyer who spends a bit of time each year reading and advising on essays, I’m happy to have you PM me. I’m not aware of any website that collects essays. I guess I have my own collection, but I could not share them without the permission of the students who wrote them.

6

Thanks. I think I’ll just go with my counselor and leave it at that. I guess I just need people to tell me to stick with her. Thanks @AboutTheSame. I almost sent it to you but then thought it might confuse me even more.
I like writing but the stress over these essays is crazy.

7

if you want, i’m happy to read it over…i do that for lots of essays here…i’m blunt but kind. :slight_smile: PM me it later if you want.

8

That’s a very sensible decision, @Tuxrd2. Best wishes. It’s a difficult time.

9

My suggestion is to have a trusted English teacher look it over.