SO Frustrated :(

[insomniatic]

<p>

In this case, the OP’s son got through most of college (with 3.3 GPA) without any help from parents. If his mom has to a little helicopter parenting / coaching to get him on track from here, I see no problem with it.

</p>

<p>TacomaJoe asked for the same advice last year:</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1175325-son-needs-one-more-class-graduate.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1175325-son-needs-one-more-class-graduate.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>The son lied to his parents and said he graduated last summer and told his parents that the diploma was in the mail FOR A YEAR! And the parents believed him!</p>

[insomniatic]

<p>

I am sensitive to the fact that some kids are late bloomers. But really-- if your kid can’t figure out how to graduate from college (which is different from not telling mom and dad that they’re NOT on track to graduate from college) what favors are you doing them in the real world? And if your kid is so shy that he or she can’t make an appointment with an academic adviser or dean to review their schedule before senior year- how are they going to navigate a boss and that person’s boss?

</p>

<p>100% agree. You hit the nail on the head.</p>

<p>I saw my adviser Freshman year (which was mandatory). I knew right then and there what I had to do and what classes I needed to take. If I had a question or needed help, I went to my adviser. It’s not hard to do. If somebody can’t figure out how to graduate from college, then I wonder how they will manage on a job.</p>

[Colorado_mom]

<p>“If somebody can’t figure out how to graduate from college, then I wonder how they will manage on a job” - I’ve worked with some clueless people… and a few of them had phd degrees, quite capable of the college work but not real work. There are lots of different combos of skills/challenges. </p>

<p>It’s great to hear that some (probably most) students are good at consulting advisors and figuring things out. Obviously Op’s son has problems in this area. My opinion is that is this point helicopter parenting is the least-evil of the choices.</p>

[insomniatic]

<p>

There are lots of different combos of skills/challenges

</p>

<p>It’s a challenge to go to the adviser’s office and figure out what classes you need to take to graduate?</p>

[patsmom]

<p>^^ For some people, yes. Can’t you accept that everyone is not like you? Please stop being so condescending.</p>

[insomniatic]

<p>

^^ For some people, yes. Can’t you accept that everyone is not like you? Please stop being so condescending.

</p>

<p>Can you please explain to me why it is so hard for some people to go to the adviser’s office to figure out what classes they need to graduate. Please provide some valid reasons. I really would like to know and I am very curious.</p>

[BCEagle91]

<p>It can be difficult. You might have to wait a few weeks to get an appointment with an adviser while classes could be filling up making it for you to graduate on time. You may be able to figure out the map of courses for the upcoming two semesters and go directly to the professor teaching the course to get a permission number doing and end-run around the adviser.</p>

<p>Your adviser could make an error too as in the case of my daughter - he told her that a course would satisfy one of her science requirements so she took it. And then was later told by another adviser that it wouldn’t satisfy her science requirements. I thought it odd on the first adviser’s statement as it didn’t seem correct to me.</p>

[vlines]

<p>

In hindsight I should have dug my heels in months ago and asked to see his info. I’m digging my heels in now. He is our first son in college and we didn’t go to college, although that is no excuse for not getting the right information. He was a transfer student and there has been some confusion as to how that all meshes together.

</p>

<p>I have not read the whole thread, but don’t beat yourself up too much. This is your son’s problem, but I would be stepping in too. And your instinct to trust him, as well as not knowing how the process works is not as unusual as some people make it out to be on here. </p>

<p>You are doing the best you can at this time, by stepping in and pushing him now. And helping him to get this under control. No sense looking back on YOUR actions. Your sons actions, or lack of, is another story!! LOL </p>

<p>Good luck, let us know how it turns out!</p>

[insomniatic]

<p>

It can be difficult. You might have to wait a few weeks to get an appointment with an adviser while classes could be filling up making it for you to graduate on time.

</p>

<p>A few weeks? I have never heard of that before. I always got in the same day. </p>

<p>Whether it’s two weeks or two months, that’s besides the point. I was literally asking why would it be so hard to go to the adviser’s office (whether you get seen that day or wait 2 weeks).</p>

[insomniatic]

<p>

And your instinct to trust him, as well as not knowing how the process works is not as unusual as some people make it out to be on here.

</p>

<p>Sorry, but believing your son when he tells you the diploma is in the mail FOR A YEAR is kind of ridiculous. </p>

<p>

You are doing the best you can at this time, by stepping in and pushing him now. And helping him to get this under control. No sense looking back on YOUR actions. Your sons actions, or lack of, is another story!! LOL

</p>

<p>It’s actually good to look back and reflect on your actions (whether good or bad) and learn from those actions. Clearly, since TacomaJoe posted the same thing 2 years in a row, her son isn’t learning from his bad actions.</p>

[insomniatic]

<p>

Your adviser could make an error too as in the case of my daughter - he told her that a course would satisfy one of her science requirements so she took it. And then was later told by another adviser that it wouldn’t satisfy her science requirements. I thought it odd on the first adviser’s statement as it didn’t seem correct to me.

</p>

<p>Advisers are human and they make mistakes. My Freshman year my adviser wrote down a wrong math class. I caught it and went to see the adviser and verified that the class was the wrong class. All degree plans are online and it tells you what classes would satisfy the requirements. This is why you should always double check everything to make sure the right classes are being taken.</p>

[BCEagle91]

<br>

<p>Whether it’s two weeks or two months, that’s besides the point. I was literally asking
why would it be so hard to go to the adviser’s office (whether you get seen that day
or wait 2 weeks). </p>

<br>

<p>There are schools strapped for cash by relentless state budget cuts where advisers are spread thin. Perhaps you don’t go to such a school. There are state schools where it is getting next to impossible to graduate on time because there aren’t enough slots for the courses you need to take when you need to take them.</p>

<br>

<p>Advisers are human and they make mistakes. My Freshman year my adviser wrote
down a wrong math class. I caught it and went to see the adviser and verified that
the class was the wrong class. All degree plans are online and it tells you what
classes would satisfy the requirements. This is why you should always double check
everything to make sure the right classes are being taken. </p>

<br>

<p>Yes, but you asked why you couldn’t just go see the adviser to get recommendations on what to take to graduate. Doing just that doesn’t always work out. The better thing to have done would be to get whatever the adviser says in writing. Someone on another thread mentioned that in a case where an admissions person said that something would transfer and of course the department said that it wouldn’t. She got it in writing though so they had to transfer in the course.</p>

[arabrab]

<p>He’s at a Cal State. Google the plethora of stories about how hard it has been for some of the students at Cal State campuses to get the courses they need for graduation or transfer. Add to that all the budget cuts and I have no problem believing that getting in to see and advisor might not be quick, or easy, and no problem believing that an advisor might not accurately count how various gen ed requirements will or won’t be met. Figuring out courses & units required for the major usually isn’t too hard – but figuring out how all the other gen ed requirements fit into the program isn’t as easy it might sound. D’s university has gen ed requirements in math, science, lab science, English, humanities, and foreign language, and coverage areas like intercultural communication, historical perspectives, and global studies, some of which may be LD, some of which must be U.D… Figuring out which courses fit where is a bit like doing a jigsaw puzzle – some classes meet one requirement, some two, some can be used either for this OR for that (but not both) – and even some of the major requirements are hard to interpret since courses have been renumbered and some even switched between LD and UD since she’s been there. I have no problem imagining that this might be complex for students to figure out – and when you add the possible difficulty in getting the necessary classes even once you’ve figured it out, it is worse. This is not as simple a problem as some folks are suggesting.</p>

[limabeans01]

<p>

I was a helicopter parent on advising. I created a matrix of requirements going out eight semesters and a list of courses and how they would meet requirements. When a semester was over, I’d update the page to indicate the courses completed and would remove the requirement name or course. I’d also color code for what was completed, what was in progress and what was future. This was on a webpage so that he always had access to it and could show his adviser when getting approval for courses.

</p>

<p>Wow! You do realize you have an er…uhm…control issue here right? Not normal BC, I don’t know any college students with parents that need (or want) to put in this much effort. Time for a hobby, hahaha</p>

[BCEagle91]

<p>It’s not hard to do if you have the technical skills.</p>

<p>I have a variety of hobbies - back then I spent about 1,000 hours working on Mozilla performance optimizations in one year. It’s been losing a ton of weight and getting fit for the last two years and I dabble in trading moderately. I have way more projects than time.</p>

[vlines]

<p>

Sorry, but believing your son when he tells you the diploma is in the mail FOR A YEAR is kind of ridiculous.

</p>

<p>maybe you missed the part where there is a sick family member that this family is focused on too. If you have never taken care of a family member during a medical crisis, you have no idea how over whelming that can be. And how everything, and I mean everything else not only takes a back seat to that family member, but you have absolutely NO energy to put into many other things. The stress level can be so high that time flies and drags all at the same time. So even though this past year has probably felt like the longest and hardest time in the OP’s life, it has also passed faster than they ever thought possible. </p>

<p>Put on top of that the the OP stated she and her husband did not go to college, so they had very little reason to not believe what their son was saying based on their own college experiences because they were not familiar with the college process. And you are also talking about a school known for problems like this…</p>

<p>In otherwords, back off…there is more to this than parents that are nieve.</p>

[insomniatic]

<p>

maybe you missed the part where there is a sick family member that this family is focused on too.

</p>

<p>The son has been taking care of his grandfather for the last 4 years. Therefore, he lied the previous 8 months and said that he graduated and that the diploma was “in the mail”. I don’t care if he took care of the Pope for the past 4 months, he still told a major lie that lasted a very long time. </p>

<p>

Put on top of that the the OP stated she and her husband did not go to college, so they had very little reason to not believe what their son was saying based on their own college experiences because they were not familiar with the college process.

</p>

<p>The son said he graduated in Summer '11. An person with common sense wouldn’t think the diploma would arrive in Summer '12.</p>

<p>

In otherwords, back off…there is more to this than parents that are nieve.

</p>

<p>Actually there isn’t.</p>

[jym626]

<p>TacomaJoe-
Can the needed classes perchance be taken on line?</p>

[vlines]

<p>Insomniac, I think you need some sleep. The son has been caring for the grandfather for 4 months, not 4 years.</p>

[saintfan]

<p>Is there an emoticon out there for those Yosemite Sam mud flaps :)</p>