My sophomore daughter has applied for an RA position. She has to go thru 4 interviews. She went to the first one a few days ago. Yesterday she called me in a panic stating she messed up and thought her interview was at different time. (She called me at 10:15AM and interview was at 10:00)- Obviously she knew she messed up and was very upset. As a parent trying to help her- I told her to go over to the office and tell the admin there was a family emergency. (I wasn’t sure what else could be said in that if she just said she screwed up the times- I figured that would be it)- She emailed the person stated she was sorry and had a family emergency to tend to. The woman emailed her back stating she would need to see paperwork validating the actual emergency… (I was shocked since I did not know)- I feel horrible in that I told her to say that. Anyone have any advice for the stupidest father on the planet?? (Yes I know it was ultimately her fault)
I would tell my daughter or son to reply back and say no I really don’t have to give you personal information validating the emergency but please have a nice day and untighten the bun you keep your hair in. If you want to not interview me (give me a second chance) fine but I will not validate jack diddly for you, sister. Kiss my grits.
That is how I would play my next move if I were you.
I’m not trying to be high and mighty here, but you asked for advice. My advice would be to tell your daughter to go in, admit she lied, apologize, and suffer the consequences. That’s the best life skill you can give her right now. Don’t make a bad situation worse.
I’m taking the in-between route. She can pleasantly say that “sadly there is no paperwork”–as many emergencies don’t have paperwork, and “fortunately everything worked out okay at home. May I please have a new interview time?”
If the person asks for more info, your daughter should let the silence between them bloom.
I would absolutely not follow the advice in post 1. There was nothing wrong with the honest explanation of “I made a mistake and thought the appointment was at a different time” and now you both now that that was the route to take. It is true that the family emergency explanation rarely is challenged. Imagine that the response suggested in post 1 if emailed could end up going around the department or could be posted on a wall of fame near the coffee pot in the professor and staff lounge. Faculty and staff also have forums like this one.
BTW,
Honestly, the fault 100% lies with dad.
Well, colleges seek RAs who are mature, responsible and trustworthy. I think your daughter would have been in a much better position had she just shown up late and told the truth. It’s not uncommon to screw up a schedule, we all do it from time to time. Unfortunately, she has demonstrated to them that she would rather make an excuse than take responsibility for her mistake. “I had a family emergency” is probably the most overused excuse on the planet-- no wonder they asked for documentation! You should do nothing at this point other than apologize to your daughter. It will be more of a mess if you attempt to intervene. Again, they want RAs who are mature and responsible-- she needs to figure out how to take it from here. Best of luck.
Yes, this was a lie, but I don’t suggest confessing it. The school may have some strict policy and she may get some nasty sanction.
I would simply say that there isn’t a written documentation because it didn’t deal with medical intervention.
After all, many family emergencies don’t have “documentation”.
When I was a TA I was asked by the professor to verify a student’s excuse that her father had had a heart attack. So I called her parents in her hometown and inquired about the dad. (I’m sure I was polite, but jeez.) Wow, that mom ripped me a new one. I never did find out if the dad had a heart attack because I got off the phone so fast!
Adding to the above…
Some schools now have over-reaching sanctions. Last year, a mom contacted me because on a Friday night her DD was (wrongly) arrested (thrown out on Monday). But, the mom thought the DD should be “honest” and contact the Athletic Dept that Saturday and tell them about the arrest. The school immediately dropped her from her incredible internship, told her she couldn’t work with the team anymore and ordered her to appear before some honor council. Even after the arrest was quickly thrown out, she was not reinstated! Losing this hands-on internship could have ruined her DPT application process. Thankfully it didn’t and she’s now in DPT school. However, the incident and the “honesty” left such a bad taste that folks will now be more hesitant to “bare all”.
I need to say that it may not be worth being a TA or RA for a professor who’s that much of a jerk to ask for verification of family emergencies. In my long academic experience at pretty high level places I’ve never heard of such a thing.
Just my 2 cents.
Obviously, you can tone down the rhetoric in my suggestion in post #1. But basically, my advice is no I will not validate anything for you. You don’t have to be snotty about it but if you are don’t worry about being shamed. It is a big world out there and it does not revolve around anyone’s back side. Own it. Own it like Trump does.
I’m guessing they ask for documentation so “family emergency” won’t be used as an excuse for missing an interview. I’m guessing that there is no need for extensive documentation but at this point providing anything, even a parent note, would send your D further and further into a lie. I think your advice has cost your D the chance to become a RA so it would be best if she withdraw from consideration.
Sounds like they called your bluff. How important is the RA position? And how bad would it look for future RA opportunities would if your D withdrew from this one? My preference would be to simply let this thing die on the vine instead piling on more lies.
I’m assuming the RA position in question is a Resident Assistant, not some sort of professor assistantship, which makes lying about missing an interview a different kind of issue.
yes- I made it worse- I fully admit and feel bad enough…I was trying to help (lesson learned)- Would it be of any benefit for me to show up and take the hit for her?
No!!
I think things turned out for the best. OP’s DD doesn’t appear ready to be an RA. This is not intended as an insult to her; my kids matured at an idiosyncratic rate also.
RAs have to deal with things. They can’t be calling home to ask how to deal with them.
Take it as a bullet dodged. And OP, remember that kids learn from watching us more than listening to us. Just sayin’.
@huskyfan68 I see it differently. Your D called you and asked for help. You gave her advice what she should say. It is not your fault as your daughter should have been mature enough to handle it. Since she used the excuse that you gave and now they want to see proof all I would say is have your D go in and explain the situation. All they can do is turn her away and in which case she lost the chance to interview anyway. It is always worth a shot.
Last year, a friend’s daughter had a college visit planned. Her boss wouldn’t let her out of work. My friend went ahead and took her daughter for the visit - the mom called in and said her daughter was sick! Of course, the boss realized what was going on and fired the girl. Hard lesson to learn.