<p>I wasn't caught with drugs. I was drunk and got sent home.</p>
<p>"The only thing that really worries me is that there was a similar incident about 3 months ago when they found out about a party I attended. I wanted to be open with them because I wanted to feel like I could talk to them about these kinds of things but they took it VERY badly. I really hate lying to them and I wanted to be honest with them but it just didn't work out. "</p>
<p>They took it very badly because they are worried that you are on a slippery slope to big trouble. You are acting like it's normal to have the kind of difficulties that you're having including hanging out with friends who end up having to go to the hospital for alcohol overdoses, but it's not. </p>
<p>I do hope you'll look up the posts about Lucifer (his full name here had some numbers after it, use advanced search to find him) and see what can happen. He repeatedly posted that while he drank heavily, he knew how to do it safely. Then he ended up dying of an alcohol poisoning. He lived in St. Louis and attended Cornell. If you Google, you can find the stories about him, his picture, including his full name on CC, and you can look at his back posts here. Parents and some students tried to tell him he was in trouble, but he didn't believe us.</p>
<p>He was a bright, popular, nice looking guy who looked like he had a great future ahead of him. He's dead now.</p>
<p>No, I don't think that it is normal for friends to go to the hospital. Believe me, I've never been more scared in my entire life. What I DO think is unrealistic is the idea that parents can prevent their children from attending parties where there is alcohol even if they don't drink. I know I won't drink for the rest of my time in high school but I can't guarentee that I will be able to skip out on all parties (especially grad parties). Unless a parent locks their child in their room, it would be very hard to stop a kid from going to a party. Right now, I don't want to break any rules but I DO want to be realistic.</p>
<p>Surfette,</p>
<p>The advice seems to be very one sided: come clean with your parents.</p>
<p>Not sure what you hope to gain at this point by posting more on the topic.</p>
<p>Anyone can rationalize anything, but the reality is that things will be worse if your parents hear about this from any other source.</p>
<p>Even if you don't tell your parents, you have to look at your own behavior...your parents didn't want you do go to a party with alcohol...I agree that can be tough to avoid, and you were probably mad at them being unreasonable</p>
<p>yet, 3 months later, you get smashed and your friend could have died, so, were your parents wrong to worry about your judgement? I think they had valid concerns</p>
<p>Parents find out things, especially something that involved the police and an emergency room</p>
<p>Those other parents should not cover for you, that is wrong of them, and for them to say they won't tell is being bad parents</p>
<p>So whatever you decide to do, it is important to really look at your own behavior...was this the first time in three months you had a drink? you don't have to say here, but look deep at yourself</p>
<p>I do think your parents should give you lots of credit for not just leaving your friend, for that you should be proud</p>
<p>My H saw a girl on the street, passed out drunk, she was about 15-16 and her guy friends weren't much better, and they just stood around while she was laying on the ground....my H called 911, and made those boys stand there until the ambulance came, and did he chew them out, for all the boys knew, the girl could have been dead</p>
<p>so you did a good thing, stepped up and helped your friend...that showed that you weren't worried about getting caught, you were worried about your friend</p>
<p>so don't beat yourself up to badly, but you did make the choice to drink, and the smoking, ewww, and there will be consequences</p>
<p>it will take a lot of time to earn back the trust, but believe me, if your parents find out from others, it will take a lot longer</p>
<p>If you can't tell them, write it to them, and tell them why you are writing it...</p>
<p>If there is a drug/alcohol counselor at your school, perhaps she could help you talk to your parents.
I don't know what the cops are like in Hawaii, but in Seattle, if they didn't give you a ticket- they didn't write you up & I doubt they would follow up unless they are looking for more work, which I bet they are not.
However, if you generally have a good relationship with your parents, I would advise you to get a counselor to help you tell them- because if you are serious about cleaning up your act, you will need more help than them telling you they want you to be "good".
I realize that some schools in Hawaii, seem to have problems with drug/alcohol, even more so than some schools on mainland, so it may be that by comparision, it seems that you are living a pretty clean life.
BUt it shouldn't be by comparsion, because you can always find, both someone who drinks more & less than you.
To be obvious, when you are below legal age, nothing is the legal limit.</p>
<p>Unless they gave you a fine up front, a ticket, I don't think they'll call your parents.</p>
<p>Thanks. I really do want to clean up my act and I think it will be good because all of my close friends that were with me last night (includign the girl who was sent to the hospital) have decided to forgo alcohol for at least the rest of high school. I would love to be able to talk to my high school counselor...but isn't there some kind of rule about them telling your parents if something illegal occured? </p>
<p>There is a big drug/alcohol issue in hawaii....and I was at a reggae concert so you can just imagine how bad it was. I really do think that I will be able to change my ways though because I am actually really excited to start being more honest with my parents and more focused on my school work.</p>
<p>surfette: Let me add to this mix. </p>
<p>If YOU don't come "clean" right here, right now, trust me when I tell you this...EVERY knock on the door...EVERY time the phone rings...EVERY time your parents talk to or hear from your friend's parents or even with your friend...YOUR heart will stop. You will feel sick to your stomach. You might even find yourself physically getting ill until you share with them your lesson learned.</p>
<p>The best lessons are those we share with others. </p>
<p>Someday you will share this story with a boy/girlfriend maybe even a spouse. Your own children perhaps.</p>
<p>Step up to the plate, today, and clear your head, your conscience, and your heart.</p>
<p>You may be punished by your parents. You deserve to be. You did things that not only were dumb and wrong, but against the law, and could have resulted in serious injury, to yourself and others.</p>
<p>You will definitely have to earn back their trust. That takes time.</p>
<p>Let me tell you, for fact, the consequences you will receive will be less severe if the information is coming from you, rather than a stranger, or worse, the police.</p>
<p>Your parents will not "kill" you. Guaranteed.</p>
<p>They'll be mad. Disappointed. Hurt. A host of other things, but you will not be killed.</p>
<p>PLEASE be mature enough to face the music. </p>
<p>Do it for your own self preservation.</p>
<p>(edit) Added this: I just read you are in Hawaii...I lived on the Big Island for years, let me tell you something VERY true about island "talk" that I learned when I first lived there...You can fart on the east side of the island and the west side knows it before the smell has disappeared! That's how FAST talk on the islands is.</p>
<p>You need to come clean. TODAY.</p>
<p>I'm a non-parent twenty-something, so let me chime in. </p>
<p>I agree that you should talk to your parents. I agree that it should be soon. I don't necessarily think that there's only one way to do it, though. You did make a lot of good choices - including taking your friend for care when it would expose you to sanctions. That takes guts and character. Drinking underage is a stupid choice, but does not undermine your integrity.</p>
<p>What will undermine your integrity is how you react to this situation. I know some parents (mine included) who would get the message from the police and wait for their kids to tell them what happened. Not to make you paranoid, but are you sure that the police never got through or that your parents don't know that something was afoot?</p>
<p>Try the two-prong approach: sit them down, then 1) apologize, tell them what happened, be very forthright, and let them yell and scream; then, 2) later, once they have calmed down/gotten it out of their systems, point out all of the good things that you've done. Let them know that you could have evaded detection, but risked your friend's life. You are committed to being a more responsible person but need their help and support in that. You can ask that they punish you but not judge you nor forever condemn you - i.e. allow you to prove yourself.</p>
<p>I don't advocate allowing other people to take the heat for you, but I think that it might be a good idea (if you are really, really concerned) to have your friend & her parents with you when you talk to your parents. Your parents will have to acknowledge that you may have done stupid things that night, but you still had a good head on your shoulders.</p>
<p>Re: underage drinking. I didn't drink until I was 21. I have friends who drank before then, friends who waited. Now, y'all can talk about how dangerous it is to be among people who drink until they are sick, but the only drinking that can allow you to OD is the drinking you do yourself. Let's focus on that, shall we? Under the "vicarious drinking" theory, I must be an alcoholic because I had a good friend who almost drank herself to death. I was completely sober and making dinner when her friends brought her home and left her in my care. Seven long hours of holding her head while she threw up, keeping her awake, changing her clothes, and cleaning her up. That incident doesn't make me an alcoholic. Neither does the time in high school when a friend of a friend was drunk and needed help - I had not let alcohol touch my lips yet, nor had most of my friends. </p>
<p>I also think that there's a difference between boys and girls in how they will react to possible overdoses. Girls will tend to bring people in, wanting to err on the safe side; boys will "sleep it off" or whatever. </p>
<p>What were your parents like in high school? Straight & narrow? Children of the 70s? Somewhere in between - enough of the "other side" to not want their kids to make those mistakes? Think about where your parents are coming from; this will make it easier to talk to them and to work with them, moving forward.</p>
<p>I want to address one thing no one else has -- your fear that your parents will hate your best friend. </p>
<p>This resonates with me, because I (from the other side) am in somewhat the same situation: One of my daughter's best friends is a very troubled girl. I don't know all the details at all (daughter is not fully disclosing about them), but I know there is a lot of alcohol and drugs and self-destructive behavior. And therapy, and some very worried parents. I like the girl a lot, and feel very sad about her; I have trouble understanding emotionally how someone can be as nice, smart, beautiful, and free of material wants as she is and still be that desperately unhappy. My wife "hates" her -- sees her as a threat to drag our daughter down -- and tries to undermine the relationship in myriad parental ways. (Part of the difference in our attitude is that I know the friend a lot better than my wife does, both because my wife works in another city half the week, and because her hostility keeps the two girls out of our house when she's home.)</p>
<p>Anyway, I think that you do have to deal with your parents' attitude toward your friend, and you also have to deal with your own attitude. I know that my daughter (who is a little older than you) is extremely resistant to any parental pressure not to be friends with her friend, but at the same time she feels a lot of ambivalence about the relationship. The friend DOES put a lot of pressure on her: she has to cope with scary behavior, play nursemaid, worry, wonder whether it's right to keep the secrets she's keeping, feel angry with herself for going along with some of what the friend does. As things stand now, on her own she has essentially done what her mother wanted her to do 18 months ago: She had honest talks with the friend's parents and adult older sister about what she knew about the friend's life (much to the friend's dismay), and she has taken a huge step back from the relationship. She is sad about it, but relieved, too. She was living with a huge burden of fear that something would happen to her friend that she could have prevented, or that she would be faced with a situation like yours, or worse, that she would not be able to handle. I am very proud of how she has handled herself in this -- both of her loyalty to her friend, and of her decision to play by her own rules, not the friend's.</p>
<p>Part of being honest with your parents is being honest about your relationship with your friend. You should accept that your parents may be hostile about your friend, and also that they may have good reason to be. You should make certain that they understand -- and that you understand -- the part that YOU play in the things your parents dislike about the relationship. You should discuss with them what you want out of the relationship, and how to set limits that will help you keep faith with yourself. </p>
<p>It is going to be very hard to hold to your new resolutions if the people you are close to -- your friends -- aren't supportive of them. Harder if your resolutions actually make your friends feel threatened, which unfortunately may be the case. Wishing that were not true will not make it go away. Talking honestly with your parents will not make it worse.</p>
<p>I think most parents understand (even if they don't agree) that they can't control their older children's friendships completely. I think you will find a lot less hostility from them if they know that you are aware and mature in the friendship, that you are making your own decisions and operating intelligently. I also think that in your heart of hearts you may find yourself more in agreement with them than you are comfortable acknowledging right now.</p>
<p>In a very real sense, talking with your parents is talking with yourself. If there is something that you are not taking responsibility for by talking about it with your parents, you have to consider whether you are really being honest with yourself about it.</p>
<p>Surfette -- YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, and I only hope my kids friends are like you!
If you don't know the Lucifer/CC heartbreaking story, do a CC search, so you know about what happens when someone SCREWS UP!</p>
<p>Listen to Curm, who is an amazing person ( Curm you are a lawyer, too, in addition to being the coolest, wisest CC guru, right?)</p>
<p>Also, Surfette, direct your parents to the CC site, and have them read or post and they will see that in our minds, you DID THE RIGHT THING!!
Getting Medical help can make the difference between life and death, ask
quiltguru, an MD, and her emergency room stories about telling teen parents their son / D overdosed, will bring your parents around. </p>
<p>You are even a greater kid to seek CC advice......... :)</p>
<p>Re responsibility:</p>
<p>If you don't want to be bitten by a lion, don't go into a lion's den. Avoid known trouble spots, like raves and parties where you know excessive drinking will occur.</p>
<p>Surfette,</p>
<p>I'm sure you're sincere in your resolve to change your party habits, but that resolve may fade in time. By telling your parents what happened, they can also help you as future situations present themselves. And they will.</p>
<p>Ditto, ditto, ditto the other parents who are telling you that your parents will find out. If you're not the one to tell them, you will miss the chance to show them that you have learned your lesson, that you do want to change, and that you did make a good decision that may have saved your friend's life.</p>
<p>Good luck. I hope you have a safe and wonderful senior year, too.</p>
<p>Surfette, I hope you are taking that step toward being responsible (something you say you want to do) and sit down to speak with your parents tonight. Good luck!</p>
<p>No one thinks it will happen to them:
<a href="http://www.wsmv.com/news/9708146/detail.html%5B/url%5D">http://www.wsmv.com/news/9708146/detail.html</a></p>
<p>Splashmom--a cautionary tale, indeed.</p>
<p>If the cops call, deny the whole thing. Tell your parents the police are lying and trying to slander you. Never, ever admit guilt. Make up a ridiculous alibi. End of story. Do not stress.</p>
<p>Tell your parents. It's possible the police won't issue a ticket for a first MIP. It's possible nothing will happen. On the other hand in our state, a ticket comes in the mail to the parents a week or so after the incident. The police try to call the parent to forewarn them. I know this from friends whose children have been caught. If it were my son I would be far madder if I came home to a ticket in the mail then if he "fessed" up and I would be proud of him for taking the passed out friend to the hospital. Quite frankly, my son would still be in trouble for under age drinking but since it hasn't happened I'm not sure what punishment his father and I would give. You showed poor judgement by drinking when you know it's illegal, however, you did do the right thing with your friend. Tell your parents. I guarantee you one of the parents of the other kids will tell them either intentionally or they will find out through the grapevine.</p>