Congratulations if you are a parent whose kid will start college in the fall. Before you sit back and relax, my advice is to have a talk with your kid about safety. As exciting a time as it might be, the start of college is actually a dangerous time for kids. Transitions are always difficult but they can be deadly too.
Students are often unaware of the extent to which the safe guards you provided to them in the home were effective for keeping them safe. Without them, and often unaware that there were many when they lived at home anyway, they are vulnerable. Naturally alcohol and substance use elevates risk but the risk isn’t just about ingesting too much. It’s also about making the wrong decisions, something made more likely after substance use but possible even without it. The first few months of school freshman year are when most of the inexplicable avoidable injuries happen-falling out of windows or off balconies, getting hit by cars, etc. A few years ago, Inside Education reported that by September 19th (https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2014/09/19/freshman-deaths-show-risks-transitioning-college-life) there had already been at least 8 freshman deaths. There are many articles on the the internet describing the potential risks to students as they transition to college and potential ways to avoid them. This isn’t what most parents are thinking about as they prepare their student for the college experience. It’s by no means the only consideration but should be one of them. While still conveying a sense of trust in your kid, talk to your student about the risks encountered by others and how to avoid them. It could make all the difference in your child’s world!
A co-worker of mine had a son who died after falling off of a tree at a state flagship.
I also remember freshman year of college at a MUN in Chicago where a bunch of drunk students went to sit on top of a bay window of the Congress Hotel to enjoy the view. No one fell but that was still crazy.
He was gaunt for months afterwards. And grayer. Threw himself in to work.
It is a parent’s worst nightmare. I’m not sure how to prevent it. I doubt talking works. I certainly didn’t value my parents’ views when I was a teenager.
Maybe send them off to work somewhere where they can drink but with adults before they go to college so that they get that out of their system and recognize stupidity when they see it? Cruise ship?
I wonder if giving them some sort of article about the state of development of the 18-20 year old brain, that physically precludes them more towards risky behaviors and susceptible to peer pressure, would be more helpful than a “trust us, we’re parents, we know what we are talking about” stance. Here is one, I am sure there are many such articles, here is one I found after a very brief search: https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708
We’ve come a long way as a society in dealing with a very similar problem-a problem that used to be called childhood accidents. This issue does not get a lot of press (cause neither commercial enterprises nor nonprofits get much out of publicizing it) but reduction in mortality and morbidity associated with unintended childhood injury is one of society’s success stories. There was a time when everyone simply accepted the idea that accidents will kill a certain proportion of children. The sentiment was something like " Oh, that’s too bad" and “What a shame”. Even in homes with caring adults, babies fell out of window; ate poison; inserted fingers into sockets; hit dashboards or were pitched out of windows in survivable car crashes; fell down stairs; etc. Tens of thousands of kids are NOT killed and/or hurt this way anymore. The change was associated with a change in the conceptualization of the problem. The term “accident” implies something uncontrollable, unpredictable and random. Unintended injury is none of those things. It is predictable and avoidable. The change in conceptualization fueled educational and legislative changes that have saved tens of thousands of lives.
I’ll be talking to my D about making sure she has things in order, setting priorities, building positive relationships and listening to her gut to know what’s safe or unsafe. In terms of safety I’m more concerned about the types of people she’ll come across and how they need to earn her trust.
One of the most important things we did in the summer before the freshman year was to deal with finances. Got the kids credit/debit cards at our own hometown credit union (where we had accounts, too). This made it convenient to transfer cash as well as to check up on the status of their accounts (for which we had joint membership). This also made it easy for us to cover unexpected, immediate expenses. Our daughter attended art school and we had seriously underestimated the costs of supplies and materials. But she could get them and “charge” the credit union account.
When kids set up banking arrangements where their schools are located, they are likely to be taken advantage of with penalties for overdrafts and the like. We minimized this by keeping the banks in their hometown.
I agree that you need to make sure they have a bank account that you can easily link with to send funds. I also recommend that they have an uber/lyft account linked to your credit card so if the situation arises they have a way home with no questions asked. I also highly recommend open communications where your kids can tell you not just the good but the bad without the freakout as you want them to trust you. Basically if they know you will flip, they won’t call you for help.
Important to set up a Healthcare Power of Attorney for your adult child, in the state they are going to attend college. This gives you the right to make decisions for them if they are seriously ill or injured and can’t make their own decisions.
The child gets to fill out the form and write out any health care decisions they want in place.
Not only falling off of balconies, but there’s a risk for balconies and decks collapsing under the weight of too many students on them. Just google balcony collapse or deck collapse. Many of these off-campus houses and some frat houses are not well maintained. The students have parties where they’re all jammed onto an upper-story deck. Warn your students not to go onto the deck or balcony if it’s crowded. I have a friend whose son was very seriously injured in one of these accidents. He eventually recovered, but it was a slow, painful recovery.
Maybe send them off to work somewhere where they can drink but with adults before they go to college so that they get that out of their system and recognize stupidity when they see it? (previous poster)
Valid. I do believe we’ve made alcohol so taboo and difficult to get that young adults don’t have any idea how to handle it. I would live to see beer and wine legal at 19. I’d rather see kids sitting in a pub, dorm room, open lawn area, or even at home dining some adult beverages so the mystique is gone.
I continue to remind my college students to be careful - so many dangers including falling off bunk beds.
It’s a fine balance - if you start listing every potential hazard your kid is going to be listening to you lecture for a long time. Or hide under the bed. I’m sure the majority of parents on here have done a fine job of raising their kids and probably only have to do some reminding.
As far as the allowing kids to drink issue - I’ve seen so many parents try it and it hasn’t worked.
19 year olds and alcohol deserves its own thread. That’s my biggest worry, mostly because I remember how some of my friends did not deal with their introduction to alcohol very well. I’ve been saying that I was going to take time this coming summer to share some drinks with my kid so that he knows what feeling drunk is like, so that he knows what it feels like to have taken a little too much, so that he knows what it does to his coordination and to his willingness to take risks.
Early the next morning, a passerby noticed him lying beneath a bridge. He was alive, but barely. He was in a coma and rushed to Boston, where they said he had a TBI. It took months, but he recovered pretty well.
He claims not to remember what happened. His parents will never know if he jumped or was pushed (there is evidence that supports both possibilities).