<p>wbow,
" am angry at myself for feeling this way–someone help me snap out of this funk!"</p>
<p>if you do not spend much time within the walls of your house, would you feel the same way? I am not much physically in my house, I am OK. I love though when my H. is at home, even if he is in different room. I do not care to be by myself at all, it is spooky.</p>
<p>i am rarely at home! i have a very busy social life, i work, i love to read, i love to knit, i golf, i do all sorts of things.</p>
<p>but the one thing that no one really knows about me is that i am really anxious about the real empty nest looming in my future. i won’t admit this publicly to anyone–it’s easy to express myself in the privacy of a user name!</p>
<p>High school is such a time of promise…they are all so vibrant, you can believe that they’ll all go to college and graduate in four years and live happily ever after. I feel like when I no longer have a kid in HS, all ties with youth will be over. </p>
<p>Face it, middle age is not for the weak…aging or deceased parents, battles with disease, marriages ending, children NOT graduating in four years, or at all, unemployment, or realizing that your youthful career dreams will never come true. As long as a member of the family appears to have unlimited promise, it seems bearable…but as the nest empties, there is a stark reality to be faced. This is your life. (Not your kid’s life.) This is what you’ve done with it.</p>
<p>You are so right Missypie and to top it off your spouse is going through his own issues which hopefully don’t include a Harley or a younger you…nope…definitely not for the weak!</p>
<p>You hit the nail on the head, missypie. I have most of those issues and more. I want my old life back. Or at least the life I planned for. Sigh…</p>
<p>hi. this is my first post on this forum. my D is a senior in HS and i am dreading her going off to college. i do still have a S in MS, so the nest won’t be completely empty, but i am sure i will be a basket case when it’s his turn! anyway, i just don’t know how parents are able to just let go of their kids… i KNOW it has to happen, that it is a part of life… but i am afraid that i will constantly be depressed/worried about my D… laying in bed at night worrying because i am not there to watch over her in this scary world. the thought of it is unbearable. i have already begun joking to people that i will probably need to start taking antidepressants when she goes, but honestly i don’t think i am joking. i am even still at an age where i could have another child if my boyfriend and i choose to do so, but that is a really tough decision also… ugh. i just feel so overwhelmed with all of this… none of my friends understand because they have all just STARTED having their kids. i am just thankful for a place where i can get this off of my chest. thank you for reading and any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>marcy…I am where you will be at some point.Much of what you say is true! I do take an anti-depressant ,have alot of free time,not enough to do …sadness and tears appear frequently .But it’s getting better.Re-connected with some old pals,meeting for coffee,accepting social invitations I didn’t have time for ,go to gym more…reading more interesting books,more time to volunteer…lots of trips with never-ending care packages to mail at post office .It’s not so bad !</p>
<p>Marcy - Things will be different next year. But you’ll survive. Having one still at home will keep you busy.</p>
<p>“Sadness flies away on the wings of time.”</p>
<p>– Jean de La Fontaine</p>
<p>“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”</p>
<p>Groucho Marx</p>
<p>“Time flies over us but leaves its shadow behind.”</p>
<p>Nathaniel Hawthorne</p>
<p>my youngest is preparing to accept a job offer and will be moving away shortly. i feel like i’m going through the initial empty nest all over again! </p>
<p>i am imagining the very worst and dreading it more than you can imagine. however, i do know that i survived the college empty nest, so i am sure i will survive this, too.</p>
<p>it just seems worse–no winter break–he has to start before the holidays and won’t have any time off for Christmas. I am sure we can go visit, but that’s not quite the same for this old mom. oldest son works closer to home, but won’t be able to take time off during the holidays…the same old same old favorites might have to go by the wayside, and that is hard, too. what to do, what to do?</p>
<p>i observed all sorts of middle-aged and older couples at the coffee shops this weekend. i am going to have to do much more than sit and do crossword puzzles at panera’s on sunday mornings. or maybe in time that becomes a big event!!!</p>
<p>wish me luck!</p>
<p>
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<p>I have told myself that after the nest is empty, I am going to start subscribing to the New York Times.</p>
<p>when the kids were little and we spent Sunday rushing to get everyone ready for church, then rushed to get something to eat before rushing first one then the other back to church for Sunday school at two separate times, I asked to get the Times when we were empty nesters. so I could sit on the porch and read it on Sunday mornings. We are. He did subscribe. Now we don’t have time to read it!!</p>
<p>I read some piece the other day that said that at 50 when asked what they have the most concern about, females say becoming invisible and males say losing their mental faculties.</p>
<p>Seems this thread confirms some of that. The empty nest allows for time to fill (or refill) your life with things that you are interested in. I found that we were still “a couple,” we just needed re-training to not be only a couple of parents. </p>
<p>Empty nest going on 4 years. Lots of things have changed. Most for the better. I know my S is glad we have filled the empty nest rather than try to cling to what was and place a high price in grief-tax on his independence.</p>
<p>I post on another board where some of the posters seem to have lives that could be featured on Jerry Springer. I have read posts like, “My 21 year old daughter has moved back home with her two kids. Then her boyfriend moved in. Neither of them have jobs and they go out all night and leave me to babysit.” Or some variation of that, sometimes involving child running off and leaving grandchildren with grandma. </p>
<p>So, my guess is that most of us may yearn for the old days, but really would not desire a perpetually full nest.</p>
<p>^^Right. My boss is 52 years old. She has 5 children. The youngest is 21. Of the five, the 29 yr. old and her daughter have recently moved back in after a relationship break-up. Her 25 yr. old is still living at home and attending comm. college. Her 21 yr. old dropped out of college a year ago midway thru her jr. yr. and returned home. Boss also has three grandchildren in town who spend a lot of weekend time with her. She loves them all to pieces but the woman never gets a minute to herself. I don’t know how she does it.
Be careful what you wish for.</p>
<p>My friend, she has a senior boy applying for college now.<br>
Her husband called today, he wants divorce!
I’m so worry about her. How can she deal with divorce and empty nest in the same time?</p>
<p>When I read this thread, it did seem that there are those who question whether their marriage will survive the children graduating from HS. And, many of the posters are the mother/wife. </p>
<p>Where “the kids” had become the near sole focus and the only reason for maintaining the marriage, the empty nest can come with “walking papers” for the spouses. To me, it is a shame. There had to be something other than parenting that got the marriage off the ground before there were the kids. Benign neglect of the individual and the couple can lead to there not being “a nest.”</p>
<p>i’m really a normal person. no one i work with, play golf with or socialize with would even guess i was having trouble with this. my husband and i do just fine. i have lots of activities (golf, knitting, cooking club, reading, puzzles, career). i don’t throw guilt at my kids for moving away. but i am so sad. i feel like my heart could break when i think about no one living under my roof anymore. yet i am so happy they are independent and healthy. is that so wrong?</p>