<p>i think that is wonderful…wish i could get to that place, too!</p>
<p>wbow, I’m sure you will get to that place. I’m sort of surprised to be there! And of course, I feel guilty about enjoying it!</p>
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<p>I am sure I will enjoy the less laundry, Our D is pretty quiet and pleasant to have around. Although, the bathroom will not be cluttered but then my OCD will kick in and I will start worrying about the state of her dorm room, whether or not she is washing her clothes, hanging her clothes, washing her sheets, cleaning her tack……Oh no Im gonna be a mess. I hope anxious mom is right and the transition will end up being great!!!</p>
<p>Happy New Year everyone. My only D is still here and will be until MLK holiday. I’m glad to have her home from her first semester away. I enjoy looking at her face, watching her eat, hearing her bed creaking when she turns in it. . .I look forward to getting over the adjustment of her being away. . .but for the moment I can’t bring myself to think about her going back.</p>
<p>bungalowdweller I know those will be my words next year this time…at the moment I cannot phathom my D going to college in September, but off to Cornell she will go. I will probably be very sad and count the days she will be home for break - is that pathetic? Maybe, but it’s the way I feel and my 13 year old son and hubby does as well…we’ve been a close knit family and not even sleep away camp in our past, so there will be some adjusting. In the end, I know it will be great - just got to get over the hump and I can see you are still hurdling it - good luck!</p>
<p>I also posted this in the Parents Forum, but got very little response. This appears to be a better place for it.</p>
<p>My daughter just went back to college after being home for five amazing weeks during winter break. I already miss her terribly. She’s in her second year of college, so this is the fourth time I’ve gone through this horrible feeling of emptiness when she leaves at the beginning of each semester. WILL IT EVER GET ANY EASIER?</p>
<p>She is our only child and I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 20 years. My husband and I endured years of infertility treatments and had just about given up. It’s hard to put into words how much I miss her when she’s away at school. Having her home for the past 5 weeks has made me feel complete again. There’s a hole in my heart when she’s not here. Just simple things like washing her clothes, cooking for her, watching TV together, and saying goodnight to her every night brings me joy. I looked forward to our dinners together every night when she would tell us about her project at work or what she did with her friends.</p>
<p>This summer, she will participate in an exciting 12-week internship over 3000 miles away. She will only be home for about 6 days the entire summer. This is going to be extremely difficult for me as well as her.</p>
<p>I would love to hear from other parents. How do you feel when each new semester begins and your child is back to college? How do you deal with those feelings? What do you enjoy most about your time together when your child is home on break?</p>
<p>aquamarinesea----I’m new to this as well. I was a stay at home for 20 years too—and a homeschooler. I was with my daughter all day, every day, since she was born. I taught her to read and write, was her highschool lab partner and everything in between. Like you, I only had one child, a daughter. Mine is a freshman and she, too, just left after six wonderful weeks. Suffice it to say. . .this is an adjustment!</p>
<p>Every time she leaves it’s difficult. But I am careful to moderate what I say in her presence because I don’t want her to feel conflicted about leaving or growing up. This is a normal stage of life and I remind her that we will experience new growth in our relationship. It sounds like you are joined at the hip to your girl. I am, too! That’s o.k. I tell people that I’ve been “laid off” or as the British so amusingly put it, “made redundant”! Sometimes I feel like the best part of my life has ended, but that’s just an emotional reaction to the powerful reality that my girl is no longer a big part of my every day life—that she is moving toward adulthood and independence. Which is the ultimate purpose of good parenting----to lay down your life for them, teach them, and then watch them soar. It WILL get easier for you both as long as you’re committed to building a new phase of your life for YOURSELF. This is YOU time now. . .and time for your husband, too! Many suggest to make some changes in your life----maybe now is the time to get in shape or volunteer, or travel, or entertain. Do something DIFFERENT. Get out of your comfort zone—just as your girl is doing!</p>
<p>Go back to the beginning of this thread and read it through. You may find something that will resonate with you. You’re grieving a stage of life that was tremendously satisfying! Some dads do too! Sometimes I feel as though something has died but I remind myself that it’s a change, a difficult one, but a necessary one for us all.</p>
<p>When my girl is home we accentuate the positive. She’s 700 miles away so I just see her at the extended breaks. Days before she was leaving she was already in a funk and would put her head on my shoulder and tell me, “Mom, I don’t want to go back.” I know that that’s because she’s very comfortable at home and I’ve told her that her feelings are normal but that if she were at home, after a while it wouldn’t feel right! Sometimes she worries about me but I tell her that that’s not her job—her job is to succeed in a VERY demanding program at a top rated school of HER choice. Before she went away to college we read several books about the college experience and one thing that we learned is that it TAKES TIME for all concerned. Sometimes every bit of the 4 years! KNOWING that these feelings are normal and common helps us to deal with them! I reminded her that she’s home in 7 weeks for Easter/spring break and that she can do the 7 weeks in her sleep. </p>
<p>I dealt with my feelings by beginning a weight loss and exercise plan. I’ve lost over 30 lbs. It gives me something to think about and plan for and I can cook differently for my husband and myself than if she were home! She likes her goodies!</p>
<p>What I enjoy most when she’s home is just sitting on the couch and looking at her face. Whether she’s reading or watching tv or on her laptop or sewing, it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have to look at me for me to derive immense pleasure from looking at her. I enjoy watching her eating. I enjoy us playing a board game together or running errands together in the car. I l-o-v-e hearing her bed creaking as she turns in her sleep or seeing the love her little papillon shows her as she carries him around the house like a baby! I love worshiping with her–hearing her sing in church—and I love it when we pray together over meals or before we go to bed. </p>
<p>I’m so thankful for those good years! I miss them more than words can say but having been an orphan I know how blessed and fortunate I’ve been to live through my daughter’s childhood and adolescence and I look forward to being a part of her life in future. Yesterday she was my baby, my little girl. Today she is my daughter! I hope that tomorrow we can experience continued love and friendship as adults. I hope this helps.</p>
<p>Bungalow dweller: as I worry about my transition to all of mine leaving at once, your message resonates very strongly with me…thank you for taking the time to post so candidly…I keep reminding myself to breath and let myself give into the emotion whenever it hits…no predicting it right now…I have been fine thru events this year that I would have expected to be more emotional and cried unexpectedly during a commercial…you are so right about the normalcy of it all…thanks for your wisdom</p>
<p>This is just tearing at my heartstrings. In a few months I will be in your position and I will be desperately missing my D. Bungalowdweller your words are encouraging. I will be looking for guidance in the absence of my D as each day will be a new and different day without her. I treasure her laughter and companionship everyday. I am indeed thankful for FB and texting and Skype. At least with modern technology I will be able to see or hear her sweet face.</p>
<p>Our kids aren’t entirely gone even though neither is home – we needed to help one today with an “emergency” as our daughter was just overwhelmed. She started the day at 5 AM for a clinical session beginning at 7 AM, had a dance class, and a big presentation and a quiz tomorrow and couldn’t handle one of life’s details. And our son also needed my advice on how to tailor the description of an independent study course at another school that is more touchy-feeling and hands-on for his school which is holier-than-thou about the liberal arts (kind of like Oxbridge: we wouldn’t deign to get our hands dirty with the practical stuff of life). I’m glad to be able to help. But, neither is home. </p>
<p>crittermom, ShawWife and I love it when the kids are home, but are also delighted when we don’t see laundry and dropped clothes and jackets and shoes spreading and threatening to engulf the house or pots piling up in the sink. The help above notwithstanding, we are both pleased to have more time to devote to our careers, which are also our callings. We both feel like we make a difference by doing what we do (or at least try to make a difference) and having more uninterrupted time not being at the beck and call of kids is also fulfilling.</p>
<p>ShawWife was also commenting today that we’ll likely have bigger families – wife or husband in a few years and likely grand-kids within 10 years. We’ll try to set things up so that they want to spend time with us both before they have kids and when they have their kids. My FIL did that beautifully and I’ll do my best to emulate him.</p>
<p>Bungalowdweller, thanks for your beautifully written description. I’m inspired that you lost 30 pounds. I’ve gained quite a bit of weight since my D went away to college 17 months ago. I used to be very thin. I just seem to be in limbo and can’t jumpstart myself. Perhaps a life coach would help?</p>
<p>Aquamarinesea—You’re so welcome! Thanks for the compliment. I used to be very thin too—before I got pregnant with my girl! It’s the stress of her away that has caused you to gain, I’m sure! A life coach sounds like a wonderful idea! Best of luck! Let us all know how you’re doing—that’s why we’re here.</p>
<p>I’m actually really happy about my impending empty nest… Or I could be delusional. I am currently a homeschooled mom with 2 kids… the other child is a freshman now, and my soon to graduate child is only 16. I have homeschooled for the last 10 years, and have been home with my family for most of the past 18 (though I have done a bit of entrepreneural type stuff. </p>
<p>What I am struggling with right now is the fact that I don’t want to get a job, and I feel like it is expected of me. With 2 kids in college, we could use some extra money, but my daughter has a full scholarship, so not too much will change from this year to next financially if I don’t work or at least take my time to find the right fit. </p>
<p>Another thing I am struggling in is staying involved in homeschooling and theatre, two things that have pretty much run my life for the past decade. For the next year, I think I will do a bit of volunteer work in both. Maybe that will help me figure out what to do with my spare time and even hopefully, lead to employment of some type… I hope. </p>
<p>But as for my daughter and youngest going off to college, I am just soooooo stinking excited for her, and not too sad for myself because I know we have had a blast and we have done a good job.</p>
<p>Like you, I was a SAHM for many, many years. My H and I have been empty nesters for the past 1-1/2 years. I didn’t want to get a job either. I think my H and some of our friends expected that I would go back to work, but I haven’t. We are getting by just fine on one income although it would be nice to have a bit of extra money for things such as travel.</p>
<p>I think you have a very healthy attitude. Honestly, I’m struggling with it. I was not one of those who welcomed the empty nest. I miss my D all the time. I believe that is one of the reasons I’ve been spending too much time on the CC forum.</p>
<p>You sound like you’re a great mom and you should be very proud of your two girls!</p>
<p>I have only worked part-time for many years now (actually since S was 4.5 months old). When the kids were in college, I was able to increase my part-time work so it made a significant contribution toward their college tuitions and expenses. We are living well below H’s pension, so there is no urgent need for me to increase my hours at this point, but H decided he wanted to go back to work (his former bosses begged him, so he took this temporary position). </p>
<p>We still do miss the kids somewhat, but are happy both seem to be thriving where they are and do not pine too much for them. We are happy that we can afford airfare to visit them when our schedules all mesh. We are looking forward to seeing them in LA for Easter. Hopefully we will all be able to get together for some other occasions as well.</p>
<p>I am looking forward to the empty nest. I adore my kiddos, but as I’ve already learned with D1, you can’t really miss them when they won’t leave you alone. With skype & facetime, texting & emails, our generation certainly hears from our college launched progeny much more than in the days when there was a phone in the hallway of the dorm & you could make a prearranged collect call. </p>
<p>I returned to work full time in 2008, so that part of my life is taken care of. I’ve been deliberately rolling off my various volunteer committees, both professional and community based. So many decisions about how my time was spent were driven by what my kids were involved in, and while I don’t regret a minute of what I’ve done, I don’t know if those things really interest me anymore. So I’m going to take a year and see what piques my interest. Some days I think I want to foster kittens, other days it’s the food bank that I think could use me best. We’ll see, no rush to decide. </p>
<p>One thing that I’m looking forward to is taking better care of myself. I keep trying to get to the gym on a regular basis, but I take my mom out 2x/week, then there’s always a couple of kid-centric events per week. And I feel guilty if I don’t go right home, especially since D2 will be going off to college in august. And I’m going to eat more fish. Sounds silly, but I rarely buy/cook fish for DH & I since D2 will never eat it, and I don’t like making 2 dinners. I look forward to reading without hearing “hey mom! where’s my…” </p>
<p>I’m also looking forward to traveling more with DH. We can go on vacation whenever we want to! No waiting for days off school. and only paying for 2 vs. 4 means lots more options. We’re hoping to become experts in the golf/spa locations in the Southeast ;)</p>
<p>Hi RobD - I read your post 3 times. With a few minor tweaks (I won’t be an empty nester until fall of 2014), I could have written it.</p>
<p>I have started an “empty nest list” of things that I look forward to doing. Some are solo pursuits, some involve H and some involve fiends.</p>
<p>Dear TNMom2Three,
I know it’s not exactly easy to get over it, but it’s not impossible. Personally i think some rest and relaxation would do you great. Enjoy this stage of your life and think of new goals for yourself, you’ve done all your duties as a parent and a mother, maybe it’s time to be a bit selfish ;). Instead of being all depressed you could appreciate more the good things about children moving out. Spend more time with your friends or allow more time for you and for your partner and try something you’ve never done before because you were busy raising children. Maybe you’d enjoy traveling with your spouse…
I’ve found this for you. It’s a program called ViaSeminars.com and it’s a mix of travel and counseling addressed specifically to empty nesters. Maybe you should give them a look…
Good Luck!</p>
<p>I think you have to ease into it too. This is year 3 for me and my husband I are just now figuring it out. We still get depressed after spring break (which was last week for our angel). We miss her immensely after she goes back to school. But I always remind myself … when she was an infant I never wanted her to grow up, I loved that baby, yet at the same time, if she had stopped growing I would have rushed her to the doctor in a panic. She has to keep growing, and real viable adults don’t live with their mommy and daddy so off she goes and we are left trying to reassemble our lives.</p>
<p>FallGirl: great minds think alike :)</p>
<p>I have an “empty nest” list of things I want to do on my phone & when I think something might be interesting to do/try I add it. D2 is somewhat verklempt by this list and has brought it up a few times to other people. Part is that she can’t understand why I don’t just do those things now (haha) and I think the other part is that she’s uncomfortable with the fact there’s part of me that’s looking forward to her going away to college. I don’t mean that she’s selfish (she’s not) but that kiddos just can’t always see their parents as having a life separate from them.</p>
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