<p>GirlGeek, yes I agree this community has been wonderful. It’s occasionally made me anxious and doubtful, but mostly it’s helped me clarifying thinking about why and whether we’d send our DC to BS and what to plan for, expect, etc. (and. I’ve learned lots of interesting new online code like HADES!)</p>
<p>Wonderful thread. I want to reinforce with jahphotogal said in #78: meeting different people can make all the difference. </p>
<p>Having been through this now three times (two for boarding and one for college), I am convinced that this is yet another venue where relationships make all the difference (and thus the limits of the computer age). With boarding school searches it was all too overwhelming (rushed and distant) but during our college tour I was able to really reflect on the differences between schools. It was absolutely the people that made or changed our opinions. Even now, when we talk about the tour, we talk about the people. Yes, there were other variables, but at our top four our initial contacts were people we liked (especially D 
). And in the application process, it really was the people who we knew she/we had hit it off with who made the decisive offer. </p>
<p>So if you really have your heart set on a school (for offerings, location, etc.) a second visit is a fantastic idea.</p>
<p>I am happy for my child to pick the school she wants to attend. Having said that, it is my obligation to “check it out” for her. If my research turns up numerous stories of drinking/drugs/sex, you can bet that I will issue an executive order! But in general, and I have said this before, I truly believe that MOST of these schools (HADES obviously but also Hidden Gems), will provide a solid education with lost of room for interesting EC’s and sports. It is very important to VISIT the schools. There is an intangible part to this equation. Each place has a certain “feel”. It is irrelevant what constitutes that “feel”. If you assume most schools you choose meet the academic requirements, the deciding factor HAS to be “feel”. And each person will have different perspectives. As one poster said on another board, sometimes kids don’t have any idea why they like or don’t like a school. But those impressions are valuable parts of the decision process. It would be wrong to discount that. </p>
<p>In fact, we did not get to one school my child applied to, and I asked her where it “ranked” in her list. She said it was about second, but that if she got admitted, she would have to visit it to be sure. I thought that was interesting as I think she realizes that brochures and web sites make them all “amazing”. If she does get in, I will absolutely be taking her to the school. I will not, in fact, allow her to go without doing so… it is that important to stand in the place and “feel”.</p>
<p>Leanid,
</p>
<p>That depends upon the parent. My aunt and uncle forced their daughter to attend a college well below her abilities, because they hadn’t kept up with the rapid changes in the college landscape following the almost universal advent of coeducation. They had a limited list of colleges it was “proper” for a girl to attend, based upon their time in college, decades earlier. </p>
<p>For fit, in my opinion, there’s “the head” and “the heart.” I think the head should set up the list of schools to consider, drawing upon the family’s and child’s requirements. Off the top of my head, within a certain distance from home (or relatives), offering certain languages, science offerings, opportunities, sports. Given selective admissions, the head should select a range of schools to visit. </p>
<p>After admission, everyone should listen to the heart. For example, if a student faces a choice between Choate and Hotchkiss, it’s a bad idea to force the student to attend the school he likes least.</p>
<p>Remember, finding the right fit is the luxury of those who have choices. The vast majority of children in this country have to make do with whatever options are available, often finding themselves with the poorest possible fit through no fault of their own.</p>
<p>+3 pt to neato</p>
<p>+5 Neato - good point. Sometimes a lower than desired fit is still better than staying home. In light of the brutal admissions cycle - it’s a good thing to remember.</p>
<p>bumping this thread for families who are trying to figure out now how to make the final decision</p>