Someone enlighten me: What are the PROS of getting married/having children?

College Confidential Community
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<p>Honestly, whenever this topic arises in my mind, all I can think of are the cons of both: stress, financial burdens, trivial arguments, etc. The only redeemable thing would be to "carry on the family name", which I doesn't seem like a legit enough reason, either. </p>

<p>I don't think I can bear all of the things a relationship. Basically, all the mushy and random crap (if you've been in a relationship, you know what I mean). Based on my past relationships with girls, I would rather speak to someone about a subject of relevance (whatever it may be), instead of talking about something utterly random and insignificant just to flirt/be sentimental. If I wanted to go through that, I'd watch Seinfeld. All of that makes me wonder if the "fun" is worth it. Regardless, the sexual aspect is still enticing. I guess friends with benefits would be O.K. But in general, I think it's too much of hassle.</p>

<p>But going back to kids, I don't even think that I'd be able to look after one. I mean, I do a good job of watching over my siblings, but to me, that's... different. I think my bond with my siblings will probably be stronger than one I could ever have with my kid.</p>

<p>I know that as a seemingly bitter 17 year old, my mentality might change. But I'm not bitter--I just don't see the point. What will make me understand these feelings that people have for each other? Maybe all the past girls I've seen haven't been "the one"?</p>

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<p>you're only 17. marriage should be the last of your concerns.</p>

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<p>Oh man, I'm really fighting a lot of urges (mostly ageist) right now, but I'll try...</p>

<p>First off, there's a huge difference, in theory, between a relationship at 17 and in your 20s and beyond. I know that the conversations I have with my significant other have definitely matured since we were teenagers. </p>

<p>There is a level of trust that you can achieve in a marriage that you cannot expect with friends. I know that my significant other and I have an emotional bond that I just don't believe I'll ever share with another guy or gal.</p>

<p>I hate to say it, but... you'll find out when you get older.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
I don't think I can bear all of the things a relationship.

[/quote]

warning flag...? i hope that's overstatement your using there. if not, you may need some sort of therapy to sort through your feelings. jw, are your parents divorced? do your parents have an unhealthy relationship? have you ever been called or considered immature?</p>

<p>i think that people get married and have kids to experience love. your life will be very, very lonely if you are never able to fully devote yourself to caring for another person's well-being. that being said, i'm not saying you should get married any time soon. probably best to get hitched in 10 years or so.</p>

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<p>Tax breaks. :P</p>

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<p>I am 17 and I cannot wait to have children. Well actually I can, and will, but the thought of being a parent one day is very exciting to me. Maybe its the family-first mentality of my family that got me thinking this way and perhaps having a really healthy and functioning family has made me see having children in the positive light.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
I don't think I can bear all of the things a relationship. Basically, all the mushy and random crap (if you've been in a relationship, you know what I mean). Based on my past relationships with girls, I would rather speak to someone about a subject of relevance (whatever it may be), instead of talking about something utterly random and insignificant just to flirt/be sentimental.

[/quote]
When you find a partner with whom one of the main draws is the terrific conversations you have on subjects of relevance than a long-term relationship will probably seem a lot more appealing. For me I eventually figured out my preferred first date was to go out to a low-key lunch/dinner so we could talk a bit ... for me my initial attraction was either reinforced or killed depending on if we hit it off intellectually. PS - Mom3togo and I are a couple with 3 kids pretty much due to skiing ... and the conversations on the 3-4 hour trips to get to skiing when we were just getting to know each other.</p>

<p>As far as kids go ... having kids was a bit of a jump off a cliff for me ... I always knew I wanted to have kids but I was never ready ... Mom3togo sort of helped push me off the cliff. Parently is the most challenging and important and amazing thing I have ever done. My oldest is only in HS but being responsible and watching kids go from infants to independent adults is absolutely amazing ... thinking of my life without any one of my kids would leave a tremendous whole in my life and my heart and is absolutely unthinkable.</p>

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<p>i know it sounds really weird but one of the reasons i would want to get married is to see if i could stay married. i want to know if i'd get divorced. and how long it would be before i got sick of the person and couldn't stand them anymore.</p>

<p>its very difficult for me to imagine marrying someone for love or for someone marrying me for love. i guess its because i've never personally known anyone who did. </p>

<p>i see marriage as just a contract. if the cons outweigh the pros then don't get married. if you are married, get a divorce. you should only marry if they bring something to the table that improves your situation. and you should never marry just because of your feelings, because I've never seen it that feelings lasted and didn't end up going sour. in the end you'll just feel all the more the fool. </p>

<p>besides i don't feel like true love really exists. people only 'love' you because you have something that they enjoy getting. they 'love' you because you are nice to them, you are pleasant to look at, you make good conversation, etc. if you took those away wow all of a sudden they don't 'love' you as much anymore. people are much too selfish to sacrifice their own happiness if they know that in the long run they'll lose out. we don't freely give and not expect to receive, we just exchange. i mean i used to think that there'd be a guy out there who truly cared about me but i guess i've grown more cynical or something, because i know that if i didn't have anything much to offer anymore, they'd lose interest. i mean i'm just tired of people always using each other. </p>

<p>i've seen how marriage ruins people. and when your own marriage goes wrong, then people judge you and its just really disgusting because yeah they say all this crap about you and your family but they're too coward themself to get out of their own horrible marriage. </p>

<p>i guess another reason why i'm so pessimistic about marriage is because i don't really know any guy who i've respected. i can just imagine some guy tryng to control me and be like 'i make the money, this is my house'. but this only happens after you get married. while you're dating they're the perfect gentleman. after they've got you in their clutches then they show their true colors. and they just keep using you and taking and taking and taking and never giving anything back unless theres people there watching. deep down i know i see guys as just these people who smash things and leave the woman to clean up the mess. and then i hate the women who continually let them do this to them. </p>

<p>and for the second part:
people have kids because </p>

<h1>1 they think they've got good genes that should be passed down</h1>

<h1>2 they have an instinct for kids,</h1>

<h1>3 they want to see if they could raise a happy family unlike their failure parents,</h1>

<h1>4 they want someone that will love them and respect them,</h1>

<h1>5 they want someone to take care of them in their old age,</h1>

<h1>6 unplanned pregnancies happen,</h1>

<h1>7 they are lonely</h1>

<h1>8 their partner+society pressures them into it</h1>

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<p>ab.cd,</p>

<p>I know plenty of guys who've never tried to control their wives after marriage. Perhaps you live in an interesting neighborhood? What ethnic group do you belong to? Perhaps that's painting your images.</p>

<p>
[quote]
deep down i know i see guys as just these people who smash things and leave the woman to clean up the mess. and then i hate the women who continually let them do this to them.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I'm moving across the country so my fianc</p>

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<p>Don't say you can't handle all the things in a relationship. Just saying, but I'm a girl and I hate most parts of normal "teen" relationships. You're not alone. Just because nothing clicked with girls in the past doesn't mean that you're just not the one, period. (I personally don't believe in that.)) But, that just means that you need to get more accustomed/mature when it comes to relationships. The media pushes certain messages on us as teenages. But that does not mean that just because you don't fit one of the attributes from this message doesn't mean that you can't handle a normal relationship.</p>

<p>ad.bc, you're quite pessimistic indeed. I'm not against the institution. I feel that marriage is a way to cement your ties to someone though it is not exactly necessary if you're in a happy/stable relationship. I admit, I'm a strong woman. But, still, that doesn't mean that one day, I can't be happy with whatever mate. I just haven't met my match yet. What a screaming match THAT will be.</p>

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<p>so you can raise genius kids that will one day cure cancer</p>

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<p>ad.bc, i find your post very disturbing. it seems to me that you have experienced abusive or disappointing relationships in the past? i think that you should talk to someone about your feelings so that you don't make lifelong decisions based on distorted perceptions of your experiences with relationships. (you especially need to talk about the way you view men.)</p>

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<p>^i agree =O</p>

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<p>Age is an amazing thing. I understand things today that I don't think I ever could have understood in my teens. I suspect that a lot of the teens on this site will feel the same way. I also suspect that one day I'll be like the parents on this site, seeing the 20-somethings as naive and young.</p>

<p>Guys, I would hold off on having really jaded views at such an early age... it's too early.</p>

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<p>lol when i look back at just people 5 years younger than me, they remind me of myself a lot and how naive i was back then. I'm sure 20 years later I will think the same thing.</p>

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<p>"Something changes in a man when he has children. He now says, - To hell with the world, I can make my own people!"
- Seinfeld</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Someone enlighten me: What are the PROS of getting married/having children?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>It's a good security net. If you get cancer, someone will actually care/feed you/wipe your butt when you're too weak to go to the toilet.</p>

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<p>Let me just say that if I could be the richest person in the world, have everything I could every want- go anywhere I could ever dream- I would trade it in one moment for my husband and kids. Companionship- yes. But LOVE- is the most wonderful of all emotions and gifts. Love bears all things and that is not just a line! Sure we all carry our baggage and make mistakes but honestly - if you are an emotionally healthy (ie. not Brittney) and you marry someone fairly emotionally healthy too- and then you have children- healthy or not, YOU WILL look back and snicker at how you could ever have asked yourself this. There are no guarentees in life...but isn't the saying "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!" You haven't met that person yet, but when you do...you will know...maybe not on your first date....but you will know!!! I promise!!!</p>

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<p>Getting married = having someone to actually trust.</p>

<p>Two minds are better than one. Especially when they share resources with each other.</p>

<p>==
Having children = POTENTIALLY having children who will take care of you if you grow older.
(this is no guarantee though, especially if your children end up to be boys).</p>

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<p>Some of the pros of getting married and having children include getting married and having children.</p>

<p>On the flipside, some of the cons of getting married and having children include getting married and having children.</p>

<p>It's a double-edged sword.</p>