Someone Please Grade My Essay (prepping for March SAT)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Please? </p>

<p>Assignment: Is it necessary for people to imitate others before they can become original and creative? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<pre><code> A Chinese proverb once said “Imitation is the highest form of flattery.” But, is this really true in modern society? The world today places more and more emphasis on conformity, which makes it increasingly important to be original. In fact, it is completely unnecessary to imitate others in order to break new grounds and be creative.
History has proven to us that it is best to be original rather than to imitate. Harriet Beecher Stowe grew up in a time of inequality. Black Americans were abused. Black Americans were mocked. Black Americans were subordinate. Although the slavery issue was extremely prevalent in the society, many politicians choose to ignore the issue and remain neutral in order to receive votes from both the North and the South. Stowe saw the wrong-doing around her and chooses to speak up, at a time when no one else would. Stowe wrote the novel Uncle Tom’s Cabin, which sold hundreds of thousands of copies in its first year of publication. Stowe’s book brought the ever important slavery issue to center stage. If Harriet Beecher Stowe had chosen not to be original and write about the racial injustices all around her, perhaps the slavery issue would have never been addressed.
Current events also prove to us that it is better to be original then to imitate others. In the year 1996 Bill Gates dropped out of college. Most scorned him for dropping out, telling him that he will never be successful without a college degree. Gates simply shrugged this off stating that college was not for everyone. Today, Gates is one of the richest people in the world, known for developing the personal computer and email and is also one of the world’s most generous philanthropists. If Gates had simply conformed to society, and gone to college just like everyone else he would have never had time to develop the personal computer, and he would have definitely not been as successful as he is today.
Current events also show us the dangers of conformity. On a sunny day in 2008, Phoebe Prince walked into school on the very first day. Prince was the new girl. She had just moved to a small Massachusetts town from Ireland, and could not be more excited to start school. 5 short months later Prince killed herself because of relentless bullying from her peers. During the lawsuit that followed Prince’s suicide, 8 teens were tried. 2 were the “direct” bullies, the ones that had initiated the teasing and the other 6 simply joined in because their friends were doing it. If these six children had chosen not to imitate their friends, and had instead stopped the bullying or even just didn't participate, Phoebe might be alive today.
As seen through current events and history, it is always better to be an individual and “dance to the beat of your own drum” instead of conforming to society our your peers. If everyone simply imitated those around them, how would the world ever develop?
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2

<p>Short answer: a clean, competent, direct style and some progression of ideas are your essay’s strong points and will earn a score of 10. I think you have the talent to score higher, but you must focus on further developing your ideas. I am going to paste in some advice I gave another writer tonight.</p>

<p>Beyond that, you should look to the ideas you present. If you read SAT prep tutors, it is easy to get the impression that scoring well is some simple trick that involves copying a formulaic introduction followed by ‘canned’ examples that you can wedge the subject of the prompt into. The result of following that kind of advice is almost always mediocre writing and scores of 6 to 8. If you want to score above average, you will have to have something worthwhile to say about the topic. That means having a thesis that is supported and explained in depth. Don’t just present a single idea and then repeat that same idea three times with three examples. Each example should illustrate a new and different idea about your thesis. You actually take a minute or two to THINK about the prompt before you start to write. Which of the following looks better to you?</p>

<p>Here is my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>Here is the first example of my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>Here is the second example of my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>Here is the third example of my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>In summary, this, this and this are each an example of my one idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>Or this:</p>

<p>Here is my basic idea about the prompt.</p>

<p>In my first example, you can see two different reasons why I believe that basic idea is true.</p>

<p>In my second example, you can see three reasons why someone else might disagree with me.</p>

<p>In my final example, you can see two reasons why I believe that that person’s ideas should not affect your belief in my position.</p>

<p>In summary, I think I have proven my point and would go further to suggest that, if you believe as I do, you will achieve the following advantages. (List advantages in a single sentence.)</p>

<p>Please don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting you follow the outline I just gave as a “template” for you to follow. I just wanted you to see the difference between an essay that essentially has a single idea as compared to one that might contain multiple ideas in several ‘layers’ of analysis. Your writing style is all that it needs to be. Focus on saying more about the fundamental idea that is your thesis. Develop it. Find more than one thing to say about it.</p>

<p>If you go back to your essay, you will see that each of your examples is presented in some detail; but even though they are presented well, those details don’t really add much to your discussion of IMITATION. You could have done better if you had been thinking about what unique idea each example could have added to your discussion of imitation. (Look for the ideas. They are there, just below the surface and yet unstated.) You must highlight those ideas because the examples are secondary, they are there to illustrate your point; it is the point itself that shows you have done a competent analysis of the prompt. At the highest score levels, a clean and direct style is expected. It is the quality of your analysis that differentiates 10’s from 11’s and 12’s.</p>