Someone read my duke supplement essay! Need major major help

College Essays
1

<p>Hi guys, if anyone can read my Duke supplement essay </p>

<p>Please discuss one of your extracurricular activities that has required a particularly significant time commitment or that has played a meaningful role in your personal development. (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.)</p>

<p>Here is the essay:</p>

<p>It’s the second race of the cross country season and this time it’s top 10 or nothing for me. We are at the starting line, the gun goes off, and I am running. As I approach the two mile mark, I notice I am no where near the front of the pack, let alone in the top ten. With the thought of this potential failure, my legs begin to burn and my lungs begin to falter from the anxiety. I run harder and faster than ever. By now I am 100 meters from finishing and although I know obtaining tenth place is a lost cause, I still sprint my heart out. As I cross the finish line, the man hands me my place stick. I see the number 30 and my heart sinks. However, on the other side the stick is my time, a time that is a whole minute faster than my previous personal record. All sorrow escapes from me. Today I came in first place. Today is the day yesterday’s extra 800 meter repeat finally paid dividends.</p>

<p>If someone could give me some input that would be amazing! Be as brutal as possible and HONEST</p>

2

<p>ALSO If you can tell me what you “get” or deduce from my essay that would be great! What kind of message am I trying to get across to you? Did I do a good job conveying that message? Thank you so much!</p>

3

<p>You might want to expand on how you have grown. This essay talks about winning, which is great, but because the word limit is pretty small, you should do more reflection. Maybe cut out something in the middle and expand on the last sentence. You could talk about how hard you had to prepare/perseverance.</p>

4

<p>Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I’ve been told (by a former Duke admissions officer no less) that, although any essay topic can turn out great, admissions officers really dislike sports-related essays, particularly of the “describing winning the big race” variety. I would guess that this essay won’t help your application at all, but to get into Duke (whatever your stats) you probably need something really outstanding to raise your chances of admission.</p>