Something to read... Pleassseee!

College Essays
1

<p>Could you look at my Common App essay for me and tell me how it was. I tried to do what it asked within less than the word limit. I picked an activity that I really enjoyed this year and an activity that was going to have plenty of activity soon.</p>

<p>Prompt: Describe a current activity. (Common App) Must be less than 150 words.</p>

<p>Entering into the school year, my school had a student government/politics club for a year. The club, YMCA club, is only open to seniors. As I became a senior this school year, I joined YMCA Club. Most of the club functions in the first half of the year are in preparation for Kentucky Youth Assembly (KYA), which is a mock session of the United States government's three branches in which student delegations can sumbit and propose bills, debate bills, act as the media, and participate in mock trials in the Supreme Court. In preparation for KYA, I have written a bill for my student delegation proposing a nationwide abolition on strip mining. Additionally, my YMCA Club has decided on some of the functions of the members that will be attending KYA; my role will be related to debating the bill that I have written in the mock session of Congress and acting as a Congressman.</p>

2

<p>I think you should condense the beginning...ie I joined the five-year-old student/government politics club, called the YMCA club, that was only open to seniors this year. Sorry, I'm a big condenser</p>

3

<p>Oh, yeah, my guidance counselor told me to put in what I learned from the extracurricular too so you might want to balance that in. What you wrote seems a little too...dry... like, what does it tell them about you? However I originally wrote one like yours so I don't know.</p>

4

<p>I agree. It only tellls what you did, nothing more. And there is one grammatical mistake in the first sentence- a modilfier error. Your school doesn't enter a senior year !</p>