<p>There are a number of reasons why a student may not want to attend a graduation ceremony. In my instance, over 25 years ago, I had job offers lined up and needed to get out of town to start work plus I knew I would be coming back in a couple years for grad school after earning some money. After grad school, I was sick of school and professors that I found condescending, so no ceremony for me. I did go to high school graduation. :)</p>
<p>That our child had one final project not completed. It was completed a few weeks later and a degree with honors arrived in the mail at some point. I don’t think people should be able to attend graduation ceremony if work not complete. This encourages procrastination I believe. The work would have been finished if it really had to be. Many so called graduates at this huge university ceremony were in the same situation I was told after expressing carefully controlled “surprise”. A friend a year later still hasn’t finished the work.</p>
<p>I’ve attended three different type of graduations. I attended a service academy - mandatory formation, be there, be square, diploma awarded by the secretary of the Air Force. DW graduated from a small University, graduation in the gym/field house. She would have been OK with skipping (parents did not pay for her degree) but I wanted to celebrate her accomplishment. We attended her brother’s graduation at Stanford - small ceremony for the major, large fun ceremony in the stadium for everyone. DD1 will graduate this year (LAC) and she WILL walk. We paid for this one and we want to celebrate for her achievement.</p>
<p>I did not attend my undergrad ceremonies at the Big State U. I graduated in December, the same month I also got married, moved in w/my new hubbie and started teaching. The only ceremony I cared about was my wedding. By June (when I could have walked), college was so behind me. I was frustrated because I was mailed a lovely teaching honors diploma/award, with a note about how sorry they were that I wasn’t able to attend the ceremony…but I never received an invitation or knew anything about it! Would have gone to that one. Oh, well. </p>
<p>10 years later, finished my Master’s…and went to everything the school offered by way of celebration. Threw myself a wonderful 18 hour party – started with bagels and coffee, ended w/cake and beer at 2 a.m. </p>
<p>Maybe it’s because I’m the 5th kid…and my parents had heard enough Pomp and Circumstance to hold them…but they were fine w/my choice not to be a part of the crowd. Maybe tease out why your kid is reticent to attend, and why it’s important to you…and have a discussion about both…see where you end up. </p>
<p>Happy finishing college to him!</p>
<p>With the economic pressures on both institutions and families, time might have come to reevaluate the need for those over-the-top affairs. </p>
<p>In this environment, one should wonder about the total cost paid to the “needed” speakers throughout the nation. Add the travel cost and other “needed” expenses associated with parties, and one ought to believe in blindly supporting the hospitality industry to justify the costs. </p>
<p>I am pretty sure that most graduates would gladly skip the entire affair in exchange of getting a check for the total that will be spent by the family and friends to attend. And would gladly accept a refund representing the cost associated with flying in the famous speakers. The cash will surely be helpful in the dead period between graduation and gainful employment.</p>
<p>But again, iI doubt that none of those ceremonies was ever designed with the graduate in mind. :)</p>
<p>PS <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1094538-commencement-speakers-2011-a.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1094538-commencement-speakers-2011-a.html</a></p>
<p>I felt the way oldfort did in post #18 and DS accommodated us. </p>
<p>Gotta say that about half way through the ceremony (hot hot hot and boring even with a “known” commencement speaker), I wondered what I’d made such a big deal about.</p>
<p>DS’ school (Engineering) came early in the ceremony. He walked up individually and received his(mock) diploma (real ones given out in a gym later that day). We could barely see him. Since it was in an outdoor sports arena (medium large top U), we could leave early (as did many parents in our situation), but he could not… </p>
<p>He remained gracious about it, but I realized afterward that the ceremony is no big deal. The accomplishment is a huge deal. In hindsight, I would not have insisted he attend.</p>
<p>i had them mail mine.</p>
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<p>LOL, Oldfort…my feelings exactly! I think D and her friends had a great time. The actual diplomas were given out at her residential dorm, which meant that there was the ability for lots of photos with each other, etc. It probably wouldn’t have been as much fun if all the kids were scattered throughout the university at different graduations.</p>
<p>xiggi: i hear ya!! lol–show me the $$!!! </p>
<p>i skipped mine in undergrad (the 90s) because i just never felt it was important, and didn’t wanna put my 4-soon-to-be-5-year-old through it.</p>
<p>Sometimes, a graduation can be an important event for family members, and in such cases, I think it would be gracious of the student to participate for their sake. </p>
<p>But if this isn’t the situation, I think that participation should be up to the student. My son did not participate in his high school graduation. Nobody minded. It’s just a ceremony, after all. The real achievement is the diploma or degree.</p>
<p>I didn’t go to my college graduation from a small LAC. I was done with my classes in December and had to wait until June to get my diploma. I went home for Christmas and moved from Iowa to Ontario for my new job before New Year’s. I could not afford the time or money to come back from Canada for my graduation. My parents said they were OK with that.</p>
<p>I skipped my graduation after attending dh’s from the same college the previous year. As I struggled though a nightmare traffic jam, climbed and climbed endless stairs in the indoor stadium, struggled to hear the speakers and then struggled to stay awake through what they said, I realized - “my dad can’t come to this next year - the stress would kill him.” So my parents knew a year in advance that there’d be no graduation ceremony. They were a little disappointed at first but appreciative once they heard stories from my husband’s family about how poorly planned the ceremony was, and how meaningless. It wasn’t even a very large college, but only the grad students were presented with their diplomas on stage while everyone else stood with others in their major to be recognized. “Biology majors, please stand … chemistry majors, please stand …” I couldn’t even see my husband.</p>
<p>My kids have wanted to attend their ceremonies and we’ve had some great family times going. Their graduating classes have been mid-sized - 1400 or so. One school actually had every BA/BS recipient named, walk the stage, and receive the diploma from the president. For that one, I was glad we’d arrived early enough to claim seats in the section with actual chairs, not bleachers. Long!</p>
<p>If the grad doesn’t want to go and the parents do, I think the parents should prevail if they’ve provided the means to attend. But they should know ahead of time how personalized the ceremony is, in case they’re envisioning the college pres taking a few extra seconds while shaking their kid’s hand. And the kid’s reason for not wanting to attend might be a good one.</p>
<p>I graduated from a very large public university. I did not attend graduation. I never regretted it and my parents didn’t mind either. They were just glad I got the diploma. </p>
<p>best of luck to you and your son on your decision.</p>
<p>We’ve allowed our Ds to make the decision as to whether or not to attend. Personally, I find the ceremonies pretty boring, long, usually uncomfortable and I could easily do without them. There’s nothing preventing a celebration of the accomplishment, without attending the actual ceremony. It is, after all, the accomplishment and hard work you should be celebrating and not a 30 second walk across a stage, in my opinion. We’ve paid full price for all our Ds, both undergrad and grad/law/med school but we still don’t feel that it’s a situation where we need to force them to attend if they choose not to do so. We are no less proud of the ones whose ceremonies we haven’t attended.</p>
<p>so funny, the only college graduation my mom has ever attended was mine (the then President, who was kicking off his re-election campaign was speaking). This included both of hers (BA and MS), my Dads (including his PHd), by siblings and her siblings. I dont even remember the ceremony. The only thing I remember was counting how many other kids graduated with honors, and figuring out what % of class I was in.</p>
<p>If he doesn’t want the ceremony, it’s one thing, but I don’t see what “isn’t right” about the situation. My son’s college, along with many other schools do the same thing. I wouldn’t have bet a dime that my son would get that diploma in the mail, but I figured the odds were good and was willing to bet the thousand or so we paid to attend the graduation, that he was going to get the diploma eventually, and we might as well go through the ceremony and enjoy it while things were “hot on the grill”. If he did not get the diploma (he did–I was wrong) and it took another couple of years, I don’t think any of us would have felt like going to the event. I did hold the pictures and info about the weekend until I verified, about a week later with the registrar’s office that he had indeed graduated. Now some of my other kids, I would have just taken their say so about this, but that son…well, there were issues.</p>
<p>cptofthehouse… that is the whole point of attending the graduation, completing the required coursework and being rewarded with your diploma. I guess I just don’t understand how the professor’s can’t have the grades completed by graduation. I must be missing something. He only has one exam 4 days before the ceremony. So we go through with the pomp and circumstance only to find out well, you didn’t really graduate, you have to retake this class. I am beginning to understand his complete disrespect for the way his university handles this process.</p>
<p>I remember in my day some kids getting empty diploma cases or a note stuck in them saying, “Boo, you need to pay your library fine, or you owe a term paper”. Ha ha. </p>
<p>I know what you mean, Almostlaunched. But that’s the way a lot of colleges and high schools work things. My friend did NOT want to attend her daughters high school graduation because she had to do summer school art class (she blew it off so was short the art credit to graduate) before getting her diploma. There were a number of kids at my son’s college who were not getting the physical diploma due to incompletes that had to be made up in the summer. Those kids should have been pushed to the December ceremony. With all of the computer technology these days, you would think they could figure out who is eligible to graduate and who isn’t by a given date and only have the ones who are truly due to get a diploma, but most schools are not doing it that way. Don’t know why. The program was printed weeks before the graduation date, by the way, for my son’s graduation. The courses were not even complete at that time. They want the kids off campus and they don’t want to make them have to come back for the ceremony is what I think part of the issue is, so they schedule graduation the weekend after classes are over so there is no time to sort who is supposed to be walking and who is not. </p>
<p>Yeah, I was a parent sitting through the whole event not knowing if my son was bogus or not. I don’t know if he even really knew.</p>
<p>I’m a faculty member at a large state university. The last final exams are given on a Friday and the graduation ceremonies are the next day. I don’t see any practical way to ensure that everyone who walks has really graduated. Delaying the graduation ceremony a week or two would be very costly and inconvenient, and parents who are traveling will have made travel plans well in advance of that anyway. </p>
<p>If my kid went to this school, though, I’d be happy to have him skip the graduation: the campus is a zoo and the ceremony itself is long, boring, and impersonal. I’m sure we could organize something more meaningful and pleasant with our family on our own.</p>
<p>My son graduated from a largish state university with a huge three day graduation with all of the different schools and departments. With all of my kids and all of the graduations and events I have to attend, I have to say, I was not looking forward to this one. I am old and tired. But I was very, very impressed with what was done at my son’s graduation ceremony. It was the best I have ever attended and I give the school a lot of credit for making it so special and wonderful. DH, kids and family who went felt the same. </p>
<p>My close friend underwent the same experience with the same prejudices when her son graduated from a big midwestern state u. Again, she and her DH were astounded at the excellent job done. </p>
<p>I am no fan of big state universities, but I give credit where due and my sons graduation, orientation, events were magnificently done. I am glad I attended both, though at the time when I had to leave the house to go, I did not feel that way.</p>