<p>I didn’t say “one” C, I said C-level. </p>
<p>Speaking as a man who remembered his teen/young adult years well, a piece of advice.</p>
<p>The more pressure/demands you place on your son at this stage, the more he’ll resist to show he has a mind of his own and is not your puppet/robot to control. </p>
<p>I’d back off a bit, leave a day or two for the both of you to cool off, and then try having a calm discussion without the high level of emotional reactiveness apparent in your posts. </p>
<p>If you can’t, it may be best to involve another relative or adult friend both you and your son trusts to mediate this situation. </p>
<p>I agree with overtheedge. It is hard to force what you want to have happen. He is going to have to own the consequences of his choices. I would just let go and let the chips fall where they may and do the best you can to be supportive. I know that can be very hard to do.</p>
<p>OP, I find myself wanting to fall on my knees and beg you to PLEASE quit having such high standards for your son. You are drowning him. Give him some breathing room. </p>
<p>This top-notch school is too much pressure. Pat him on the back for having earned admission, then tell him the choice of where he goes is HIS. Tell him you are proud he was admitted and you want him to go where he will be comfortable. If he chooses a state school, smile and send in the deposit and tell him how proud you are of him. Tell him you know he has a bright future ahead of him and he will thrive at any school at which he is comfortable. Tell him you love him and support him, and it is time to let him be captain of his own ship.</p>
<p>Even if that means taking a year off or going to a community college. Or going to an elite college or going to a state school.</p>
<p>Please tell him that.</p>
<p>With all due respect, what world you guys live in that you would let a hormone ridden, emotional and shy teenager eschew some of the most elite colleges in the nation to stay home and going to junior college or the regional U, full of burn out underachievers? Kids need to be pushed, especially shy ones. I’m not going to let him ruin his life. Be realistic, please. Thank you.</p>
<p>“This top-notch school is too much pressure.” How do you, let alone him know how much pressure a school is he knows nothing about? He applied on a whim. He’s never visited (yet). Never talked to a person there. Terrified of the uncertainty? Perhaps. Should I let some short sighted teen ruin his life because of that? Absolutely not.</p>
<p>@linden14: You started this thread looking for advice. The fact that you do not like some of that advice does not mean it is bad advice. Analyze your recent responses to find the real problem here. </p>
<p>We are the parents of those ‘burn out underachievers’ who will be at state schools. You know, those kids who are not flunking exams, not depressed, not looking for excuses to fail.</p>
<p>With all due redirect, do you read your posts before sending them? Every single one describing your son (s) contain negativity. I’m a harsh Mom and I’ve had friends rebuke me when I go overboard with “reality”. They are right, I have to focus on the positive more. And I truly do appreciate my children for their gifts. Now your posts make me look like Positive Polly. I cringe every time I read how you describe your son. </p>
<p>You say of course you don’t say these things to your children, that you are so sweet to the point of being the excuse-making Mom (do you do this because you believe so little in your children?). You’re just being real and transparent here. Children know. They pick up on attitudes and actions as well as words. When you swoop in and make excuses, they see that you don’t have faith in them to fix things on their own.</p>
<p>Things are not so stark: top 20 college or mediocre junior college. Do you really believe those are the only two choices?</p>
<p>Son can only be a top, high achieving student or a soft, lazy, hormone ridden, emotional and shy teenager? Again, is there nothing in between, or something totally different? </p>
<p>Maybe he is acting out against circumstances, but throwing these words at him (even only on this forum) isn’t helpful. It would be helpful if you gave a bit more nuanced picture of your son, not specifics but try to describe his interests and goals and describe his friends (what few he has) in a positive or neutral way.</p>
<p>Again, I apologize for the harshness but I see a family that needs help but also a family with a lot of good. Remember, you son did get admitted to great colleges, so he has something these college want. You and he just need to put that in the spotlight. Yes, he needs to address the low grades. Find a tutor, talk to the teacher or GC. Saying he is lazy and soft and it must have been a mistake or miracle he was admitted to an elite school just brings everyone down and makes it much harder bring hope to the situation.</p>
<p>@linden14: Looking at your posting history in a different thread on CC earlier today, I am even more concerned about your attitude. </p>
<p>"“Should I let some short sighted teen ruin his life because of that? Absolutely not.”"</p>
<p>Ok, that’s just too much drama. If he ends up going to a safety, his life will not be ruined. Heck, he could end up earning MORE THAN YOU.</p>
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<p>Actually, he’s at an age where a good dosage of “negative consequences” may save him a lifetime of other poor choices. It’s not like he can’t reach nearly any career goal attending a state school. He can. But, he may, at some point, reflect on the fact that he “could have gone to XXX,” if he hadn’t flaked during senior year. And, that will be a good lesson.</p>
<p>What is his major and career goal?</p>
<p>I’m trying not to be hostile but some of you have your heads in the clouds. A student from Western Kentucky University doesn’t end up at Goldman Sachs. How many students a year from Coppin State go to med school? Stop clinging to outliers. The best CHANCE for social mobility is at our elite universities. That is why CC exists. That is why college board exists. That is why princeton review exists. We haven’t all been bamboozled. That’s just the way it is.</p>
<p>He wanted motorcycle at 16. I suppose I should have let him buy that too because I could easily find a few stories of kids that lived and went on to graduate magna cum laude after owning a sports bike in high school.</p>