<p>I don't know what to do. He miraculously got into a dream school (I didn't even think he had a chance at). His effort is completely plunging. He is not a popular student, there's been no uptick in his social life. His exam yesterday in an AP course was a 8% grade (I don't even know how that low of a grade is possible). The week prior in the same course, the same weekly exam was a 50% grade. He also bombed a math exam last week.</p>
<p>Do you let him fail? Do I got up to the school? I feel like he’s old enough to know better. The behavior seems very self-defeating.</p>
<p>Is it possible he’s depressed? </p>
<p>So is he a second semester freshman? How did he do first semester?</p>
<p>Well, he still has to send in his final transcript to that college, and a bombed last semester would have consequences. The admission offer can be revoked.</p>
<p>Does he know that? Is it possible he doesn’t really want to go there, and this is a way to get out of the acceptance? </p>
<p>^ Yes, try to talk to him to see if something may be going on that you don’t know about. Otherwise, there is something known as senioritis and sometimes kids to tend to sit back and stop working once admitted into college (particularly so if it’s a dream college). In that case, speak to him and remind him that his acceptance still is contingent on how well he does for the remainder of the year, and that yes, he <em>could</em> get kicked out of that dream school before he ever sets foot there with grades like that. </p>
<p>In regards to “is it possible he doesn’t want to go there”: Honestly, he doesn’t know what he wants. I am completely shocked at the level of schools he was accepted to. He can be my guest and go to any of them. But he will have all offers rescinded with a poor showing. I know he doesn’t grasp how fortunate he is to be accepted to the schools he got into. Does that makes sense? His scope of the world and the talent out there is VERY VERY narrow.</p>
<p>Yes, he’s absolutely depressed, perhaps some anxiety concerns too. He’s not a popular student, and I remember how hard that can be in high school especially. But his attitude with two teachers has been disrespectful and defiant in class. It’s always the teachers’ faults.</p>
<p>Is he self-sabotaging? Maybe he’s thinking that “dream” school looks scary/unappealing/problematic in some other way? </p>
<p>Is this oldest “self-reliant” kid from your other post? The other day the too social slacker kid was getting the attention. Maybe he’s been nose to the grindstone all this time to make you happy and now that he’s in at ‘dream school’ and sees you fussing over kid #2 he subconsciously wants a piece of the action. </p>
<p>I had a #1 kid who was “easy” and seemed to coast to success and a #2 kid who has taken a lot of energy and nudging. It’s hard to resist the squeaky wheel trap when you are pressed for time and energy. It sounds like as a single parent you have your hands full with trying to shepherd 2 boys through their teen years. Maybe his school counselor could give him some positive coaching on getting through this last phase and to realize that if he lets up too much now his admission could be rescinded. As was suggested in your other thread, there may be some parent coaching resources available to help you balance your own emotions around your kids’ different styles. It’s tough when you have to adjust your parenting style for 2 very different kids. What works with one doesn’t always work with the other.</p>
<p>I would be careful about coming down too hard though, and focus on understanding, validating how hard he’s worked and helping him to strategize. He may just need some props and a figurative “gold star” to rally. Remember that what has been easier for you (compliant, academic and non-social) may have been a stressful grind for him. Maybe you can help him find ways to let his hair down and unwind a bit while keeping his eye on the prize.</p>
<p>“Is he self-sabotaging? Maybe he’s thinking that “dream” school looks scary/unappealing/problematic in some other way?”</p>
<p>Can you expand on this, please. If this “dream” school looks “scary” I don’t know what traits ANY other school would look “welcoming”.</p>
<p>Furthermore, he boastfully posted the acceptance on his twitter and Facebook.</p>
<p>“Otherwise, there is something known as senioritis and sometimes kids to tend to sit back and stop working once admitted into college (particularly so if it’s a dream college).”</p>
<p>Students going to top 20 schools in the nation start failing exams? I find that VERY hard to believe.</p>
<p>“Is this oldest “self-reliant” kid from your other post?”</p>
<p>To be clear, “more self-reliant” did not mean entirely self-reliant. I’ve worked myself to the edge getting the oldest to not coast. If he coasted, he’d be coasting…to maybe a scholarship offer at a regional college. Pushing him a little made him get into some incredible colleges.</p>
<p>I don’t want to say he was lucky to get into some of the schools he got into, but I can SAFELY say there were applicants with a much higher level of effort that received rejections. He does not grasp this. His level of effort isn’t not top 10 in his class, yet he’s gotten into schools nobody in his top 10 had a chance at. The “need for a break” or an opportunity to slack off was ABSOLUTELY NOT earned by him. I am not being hard on him. This is the truth. Perhaps my fault, but he is soft and delusional.</p>
<p>^ I don’t know why you find that hard to believe. You have one in your own house. Read the boards here with students asking if they’ll be rescinded for dropping grades. They’ve pushed to have their records be as close to perfect as possible for college apps and once they’re admitted some coast. </p>
<p>"^ I don’t know why you find that hard to believe. You have one in your own house. Read the boards here with students asking if they’ll be rescinded for dropping grades. They’ve pushed to have their records be as close to perfect as possible for college apps and once they’re admitted some coast."</p>
<p>He is not a top student in his grade. Not nearly. His schedule is not nearly as difficult as students in his grade. Not close. He doesn’t have a job. He doesn’t have any EC’s going on right now. I am not being hard on him. This is the truth. My son is soft and delusional – and if this behavior continues, he did not deserve the acceptance letters, because there are students who push much harder than him. He’s lazy.</p>
<p>‘Can you expand on this, please. If this “dream” school looks “scary” I don’t know what traits ANY other school would look “welcoming”.’</p>
<p>You did mention that you didn’t think he was capable of getting into his dream school. It’s entirely possible that now that he IS in, he’s worried that he won’t be up to standards and trying to back out.</p>
<p>How’s he going to be able to keep up at this selective university? Maybe it’s better if he doesn’t go…</p>
<p>^ Sorry, ‘…is trying to back out.’</p>
<p>"How’s he going to be able to keep up at this selective university? Maybe it’s better if he doesn’t go… "</p>
<p>Without some course correction, he won’t be able to keep up at any university – let alone some of the best in the nation. I believe his SAT score saved him. The GPA and course selection absolutely lag behind what his SAT score shows he’s capable of.</p>
<p>Hi Linden, what I meant by self-sabotaging is this: Perhaps he thought that the “dream” school was totally out of reach (like everyone else.) So applying didn’t seem all that much of a reality. But now, he’s in and everyone knows it. So maybe he’s having a reality check: “Can I handle the academics of this “dream” school? Is it a long way from home? Will it cost the family a ton of money? Maybe I have made a mistake.”</p>
<p>Just putting it out there as a possibility. You might ask him if he’s having second thoughts about the “dream” school and if one of the others on his list seems more appealing for some reason. </p>
<p>You can guess all you want, but you won’t know the truth until you talk to him…really talk to him. </p>