<p>As long as he can pull out a C he will be fine. If he flunks a class or more, no one can predict the ramifications but expect them to be bad.</p>
<p>“As long as he can pull out a C he will be fine. If he flunks a class or more, no one can predict the ramifications but expect them to be bad.” A C grade is fine, I suppose. But a student who earns a C is on track to earn a…3 (?) on the AP exam, i.e., no college credit. What’s the point of even being in the class? As far as I’m concerned, not passing the exam is flushing thousands of dollars down the drain.</p>
<p>Wow your a joy </p>
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<p>For a parent interested in trying to ensure her kid is able to matriculate to his dream school, this should rate as the bottom of the concerns. I would say it is on par with “I ran out of milk but can I get by with creamer for my coffee for today”.</p>
<p>If the real issue is whether he can get college credit for the class he is taking, then this thread is irrelevant and should be closed.</p>
<p>linden14, most of the people here are trying to help you. You say “Please help” in the thread title, so please open yourself up to that help without dismissing the thoughtful comments others have made. When you make harsh comments about your son, you don’t appear to be on his side. You give the impression that his issues are just something to power through so that he can get to that top-20 school. </p>
<p>Are you most concerned that the admission will be rescinded, or are you most concerned that your son will continue to fail when he is at college? There are dozens of CC stories about kids who fall apart, academically and mentally, once they’re at their dream schools. It becomes an awful mess for all concerned. Addressing your son’s issues instead of expecting him not to have them will avoid some serious future problems.</p>
<p>I have to say I am a bit skeptical that a stellar SAT score means an acceptance to a top-20 school if your earlier post is accurate:
Top-20 schools are looking for students who can succeed there, because they don’t want to have to deal with those serious future problems, either. </p>
<p>I kinda feel sorry for the younger son 
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<p>Good idea editing your post to look less self serving </p>
<p>“When you make harsh comments about your son, you don’t appear to be on his side.”</p>
<p>In real life, I have been characterized as a mom who coddled and perhaps babied them, perhaps to the detriment of their work ethic maturation. Perhaps I have done too severe of a 180 in my posts on here, but please trust me, I am VERY far from a dragon lady you all seem to think I am from my comment history.</p>
<p>My biggest concern is that he lacks the maturity and drive to succeed (anywhere) and will squander the opportunities in front of him. His “wake up” moment has not come. It would be a fear of mine that the wake up comes too late.</p>
<p>The depression/anxiety is out of my hands until he can be diagnosed next week, so in this thread I’m focusing on the effort/drive/motivation/work ethic issues.</p>
<p>Every time I read about a mom like this I just want to hug my mom! </p>
<p>Well I mean you say he is lazy course load wise and that he’s failing an easy AP, maybe if you could tell us his stats (SAT,GPA,course load) we can all see exactly how “lazy” he is. I understand he is failing and that needs to be corrected but maybe you are being just a bit hard him</p>
<p><< I will not let my son ruin the opportunity to attend great colleges and work his way into a higher class because at 17 yo he’s terrified to make new friends>>></p>
<p>Listen to yourself. As if you were someone else, don’t you think it’s time for a breath, and perspective. Being terrified to make new friends is completely normal, and completely legitimate. And yelling at him, or belittling his options will not make the situation better. A “great” college is <strong>the one he wants to go to and has success at</strong> NOT the one you perceive as superior in some way. It. is. not. your. choice. that. matters. </p>
<p>You “will not let” him? So you are willing to pull the financial plug if he doesn’t choose to do what you think is best? Again, listen to yourself. If you really aren’t as represented in your posts (and I have been the hysterical panicking mom, so I know that can absolutely be the case) and are just venting, listen to yourself. This is craziness. There are people with children who are dying of illness. People with students with learning disabilities that barely squeaked through a regional (and very good!) school. (Raises hand). People with financial issues who can only dream of a CC. You are in a very good place, and you are choosing to see disaster. Your disdain is toxic both to you, and to your son. </p>
<p>If he was admitted to a very good college, he won’t get credit for most of his AP classes anyway (those are used a proxy for prep rigor and constitute the basis for the pre-frosh preparation) and even if he does get credit for some of these classes, if he plans to/has to continbue with the subject, it would be a good idea to retake them along with the other students doing the exact same thing (ie., virtually all first year students at top colleges- the few that don’t promptly regret it).
So getting credit or not does not matter.
The only thing that matters is that he gets a C in the subjects he’s currently failing.
(In addition, a C does not mean a 3 at exam time, necessarily.)</p>
<p>You seem panicked at the thought he would squander this opportunity.
Rest reassured that the top colleges will do their utmost to help him succeed, as long as he’s not afraid of asking for help. There’s no shame in not succeeding, only in denying there’s a problem and not asking for help. He won’t be the first freshman to discover freedom. Don’t panic. Trust that, come August, he’ll be a regular freshman, with ups and downs. </p>
<p>What are the “dream school” (schools) and the dreaded college?
Because it’s different if we’re talking Penn State vs. Lebanon Valley, or Princeton vs.UMichigan…</p>
<p>I don’t want to disclose his stats or colleges. I’ve already said he earned a top percentile SAT score. He’s gotten into colleges nobody in recent memory from his high school has gotten into.</p>
<p>I’ve tried talking to him. He will not open up. It’s like talking to a wall, e.g., I’ll retake it, guess I just wasn’t prepared, I don’t know what happened, nothing’s wrong.</p>
<p>“Being terrified to make new friends is completely normal, and completely legitimate.”</p>
<p>Legitimate worry? Sure. Legitimate reason to sabotage or squander opportunties at better schools? Absolutely not.</p>
<p>While not all AP’s are created equal I am having trouble figuring out any “easy” AP’s that a senior would be taking except maybe AP stats which most kids take earlier than that and also a lot of colleges don’t give credit for anyway. Perhaps you are the one who thinks this AP class is easy and it’s really not.</p>
<p>OP, I understand not being certain whether the problem is a lack of motivation or an anxiety/depression issue. Hopefully, a professional evaluation will resolve this matter, and if it is mental health related, your S can get the help he needs. Perhaps your S feels anxious a result of pressure to live up to your expectations of him. In this regard, I am the last to throw stones because I know how difficult it can be to watch a gifted child not perform to his/her potential. I can also relate to being a single mom and failing to adjust one’s parenting techniques for very different children. Unfortunately, it is easy to fall into the trap of always expecting more from a child and pushing too hard. Feeling a loss of control, these children find ways to push back (often denying the parent the very thing the parent covets most) and the vicious cycle begins. To the parent caught in this cycle, it’s liking watching your child walk a tight rope. It’s hard to back-off and let them fall (even though that may be what the child needs). Ideally, the parent would have let the child fail earlier in life and learned their lessons. But one cannot turn back time. Now, faced with higher stakes, the parent becomes determined not to let everything fall apart (we got this far, if I can just get S past this hurdle mentality - of course the next hurdle, college, is even bigger). </p>
<p>You mention that you have coddled your S. Perhaps, anticipating that he will be on his own in college, he feels insecure and ill-prepared to handle life on his own. Or, if he hasn’t made friends easily in HS (not uncommon for gifted kids in certain environments), perhaps he has social anxiety and is worried that college will be more of the same. It can be difficult for a parent to illicit information/feelings from a child in this situation, either because the child is not conscious of the motivations underlying their behavior, or their relationship with the parent has too far deteriorated. </p>
<p>I agree with @MYOS1634 that passing the AP exams should be of no concern under the circumstances. I may have missed earlier posts, but is it just one class S is in danger of failing? Is he still on track to graduate?</p>
<p>Unlike some posters, I believe you genuinely want the best for your S and are only trying to maximize his options; and that you are simply overly invested at this point, frantic, and fearful. As hard as it may be, let go…and get both of you some counseling.</p>
<p>linden14 you might get some insight from some postings on another thread where there is a senior girl with serious depression going on. Might have some helpful info, including things like anxiety. ‘Advice for concerned dad’ thread started Oct 13 (maybe can find on ‘recent CC activity’.)</p>
<p>S has something underlying going on. Dramatic shift in behavior. Other posters seem to be grappling with what is really going on. Maybe your S cannot even articulate it.</p>
<p>Not being popular may be showing that he is shy? Maybe he does have a lot of anxiety.</p>
<p>Sounds like S is smart, however if he has some underlying issues that are causing him great pause, it would be very helpful for him to get help with whatever is going on.</p>
<p>It is one thing to not be putting in great effort and grades going down some. This is different. Is it a subconscious alert for help? What does other parent/other family members and adult friends that know S think?</p>
<p>Hopefully appt can give more insight and this turns around.</p>
<p>I’ve been following this thread from the beginning and steadily becoming more depressed. Mom you would benefit from counseling at least as much if not more than either of your sons. I’m not being snarky. You seem like a very unhappy person trying on a tiger mother persona and courting disaster. </p>
<p>Be aware that a “C” is not enough for some of the top schools…not if you were making all A’s. A small decline is one thing; a major drop is another! You can be rescinded for dropping down to a C-level.</p>
<p>Anxiousmom: no, even at top schools, you won’t be rescinded for <em>one</em> C. Once students have been admitted, they’re judged “qualified” unless they show egregious behavior that makes admission officers question the 2 months they’ve spent on crafting their class. But it takes more than a C to cause this.
However, ALL schools will rescind if there’s one F (or more than one F).</p>