<p>“I can’t imagine what the university could be requiring of a sophomore that is so intrusive he wants to transfer.”</p>
<p>I’m also having a hard time imaging what could be so intrusive. I’m actually kind of jealous that he has 2 schools that are so involved :). As far as I can tell all of my son’s friends are going to schools that have guidance available but you certainly have to seek it out. If he is living in his own apartment, going to class, and socializing with his own friends, where is the pressure coming from?</p>
<p>If he is looking for the academic aspects of college life, IMO it would be a mistake to transfer because he may end up with even less of what he wants.</p>
<p>It seems to me that living off campus would be ideal.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids’ schools babied them or held their hands. Is this, perhaps, code for something else he doesn’t like?</p>
<p>Does he feel disappointed in the student body and expected more peers but is afraid to say so for fear of sounding elitist? That’s an okay feeling. Few kids are truly academic in their interests. Even brilliant kids may just be on a pre-professional track and having fun in the meantime.</p>
<p>He may find his contingent in grad school.</p>
<p>Many elite schools also have reciprocal arrangements so students can study their a year. If his does, he might like that more than going abroad. If he is not at Columbia, for instance, he might enjoy a semester of the greater anonymity NYC would afford.</p>
<p>Many elite schools have kids write theses in senior year. Then everyone is absorbed in a major academic project, and it really does change the atmosphere considerably.</p>
<p>There is clearly something else at work that he has not communicated with you. He may be articulating it as “Conforming” or not wanting to be part of the “Big, happy family,” but there seems to be something very specific going on that’s alienating him. There’s nothing wrong with seeking isolation, but when a student can’t seem to get away from the social aspect of college(can’t find a sanctuary on campus) that raises a red flag to me. Usually it’s the other way around when a student feels isolated and alone among the campus throngs that fuels the desire to transfer.</p>
<p>Talk to him again and find out what’s really going on . . . perhaps he has a world-view or social orientation that he hasn’t come to grips yet(or is uncomfortable with) and the many students at these colleges have become a constant reminder of how he is different and he wants to escape that feeling.</p>
<p>Agree with downeaserdad – there has got to be more going on here. Perhaps time for some visits with a therapist who could help him figure things out?</p>
<p>Perhaps this isn’t so weird if the college is one with a house system, where students typically live in university housing all four years and are expected to be involved with house activities.</p>
<p>There are plenty of highly academic universities that don’t have this system, though. Unfortunately, it’s too late for your son to apply to transfer to one of them for next year. Does he dislike his current choices enough to warrant taking a year’s leave of absence from his current college so that he could apply to transfer to a less touchy-feely school with high academic standards for the following year?</p>
<p>Also, I think your son would love Cornell, especially its larger colleges, such as Arts and Sciences or Engineering. If you want to function independently there, you can. Most upperclassmen live off campus (housing is only guaranteed for the first two years). And nobody holds your hand unless you ask for that kind of attention.</p>
<p>I agree with northeasterdad It sounds like something else is going on because, frankly, it’s not real clear what the problem is. Nothing you have said would seem to justify walking away from the school. What’s really goi on? Probe deeper.</p>
<p>So, he doesnt want to be included in the “other stuff” and yet he feels isolated?
I guess I am a bit confused by that part of the post. Its seems to be that he wants to isolate himself?? No?
Maybe there is some underlying issue that he hasnt brought up yet and is just not sure how to put it into words.</p>
<p>This post doesn’t make any sense to me, to be honest. He doesn’t like the “one big happy family” - so why does he have to engage in it? He’s a big boy, he can do his own thing, no one forces him to socialize with other people or partake in dorm activities. How is the college “not treating him like an adult”?</p>
<p>Sometimes “social stuff” is code for drinking. I’m not sure if this is what it means to this young man. But perhaps it can feel alienating if one is not into the drinking culture and, for a large part, it seems all one’s friends are. I am truly just bringing up a “maybe” here, since OP’s son is not giving specific details. His desire to be a serious student is perhaps a hint that those around him are participating in bonding rituals that are less… academic?</p>
<p>There will be drinking involved at every university, and of course there are many who do not participate. If this is part of the issue, and if S’s friends are part of the drinking culture, he may think that a new school is a new start? OTOH, perhaps he might reconsider making additional friends at his old U–ones who are on his wavelength. Tulane, if that’s the U, has many academic scholars on full and partial scholarship. It’s hard to believe there aren’t many who are equally serious and committed to classes, research, and the future.</p>
<p>It’s too late for this particular OP’s son, but Wesleyan sounds like it might have been a great alternative. The housing system includes individual houses (called, “wood-frames”) in the middle of campus, for most upper-classmen. The whole idea is to treat them more like adults (or, at least like grad-students) once they’ve made friends and gone through the whole “regular” college life thing.</p>
<p>I’ve read the OP’s posts several times now, and I’m still having trouble making sense of her son’s complaints. By junior year, there shouldn’t be any “hold your hand” classes and a student can participate in campus life as much or as little as he chooses. He can spend any time he’s not in class in the library or in his room. He can move off campus and spend hardly any time on the campus at all. And his determination that a completely different type of school is equally unacceptable is very suspicious. I think there’s something else going on here. My gut and experience tells me the assertion that he is not depressed may be wishful thinking, and that his social life may be apocryphal. I would dig a lot deeper. A young man who finds the environment at any college to be so off-putting will have much worse problems adjusting to adult life after college, where the world is far more intrusive.</p>
<p>I think it is wonderful that he is sharing his issues with you and looks to you for support, it is a testament to your relationship. This is an opportunity to figure out how to make a not-so-great situation better, which is a perfect thing to do in college. Definitely moving off campus is a smart move - he can create the environment that he wants - I get that living in the dorms may not be for everyone. He can create the social life that fits his style including non-college activities.
In terms of academic advising, he needs to advocate for his own needs and desires. He is the adult and paying customer and needs to either get approval to deviate from the policy or show that there is no policy but merely recommendation. Maybe he needs a new adviser, one that understands his goals. A strong relationship with a dean or other prof could prove valuable for advice, entree, and help navigating the system. I would suggest seeking out this mentor relationship.</p>
<p>I think the OP’s son should stay where he is. This is a good time for him to get the message that life isn’t perfect. He will never find the perfect job, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect home, etc. Life is about compromise and choices. There will always be things to “put up with.” The things that exist will always be there, it is his response to them that he can change. </p>
<p>You can’t always get what you want…but you get what you need.</p>
<p>“Sharp academic decline in son”…“daughter affected by prestige bug”…“son hates college life”…</p>
<p>I wish these kids could meet the two bright-eyed young women from Bangladesh I have in my summer school community college class. The ones who met me outside the classroom door yesterday to beg me to let them do their homework by hand because they can’t afford a computer (and don’t really know how to use one). The same girls who asked if they could share a textbook because they can’t afford to buy one each. You can bet they are going to come to class on time every day and hand in every assignment, even if it is hand-written on weird yellow paper.</p>
<p>Some kids just do not realize how good they’ve got it.</p>
<p>I agree he should stay where he is IF state U academics really are worse. Live off campus. Get a part time job off campus or get involved in some community group in New Orleans. ( A classmate of my kid with similar issues at a small LAC became the co-leader of a church youth group.) </p>
<p>For students who haven’t yet made a choice but have this attitude, I’d recommend Canadian universities.</p>